Monsoon Wedding

Pimmi, please bring the phone.

Darling, you want something else?

Tea? Nimbu pani?

No, no. That bloody bastard Dubey

hasn't come yet.

Alice?

Pimmi, I'm sorry to say,

but Lalit takes on too much tension.

Its not good.

You see all these young men

getting heart attacks these days.

And Lalit is doing everything

single-handedly.

Left, left, you idiot!

You want to spoil-

Stop the car!

You'll spoil the decorations also.

Don't you even know how to drive?

I've only got one hand to drive with.

Who told you to break your hand

at this time, idiot? Where were you?

I went to the airport to get

your sister and her husband.

Where are they?

I didn't see them.

What do you mean, you didn't see them?

Hold up a placard:

"Mr. and Mrs. Tej Puri from USA."

They could have seen you.

Why are you yawning so much?

I've hardly slept.

Not to mention I got back

from Australia just yesterday.

You young people!

What do you need

to sleep so much for?

What time is the flight coming?

About 9:
00.

Make sure you're there on time.

And take this car, okay?

And only run the AC

when you've received them.

And park this car somewhere else!

Chill.

And take off that stupid topi.

Where the hell

are those girls?

Oh, God, Varun,

what are you doing with that?

Why haven't you got ready?

Didn't you hear Papa?

- He's getting so angry.

- Its the last step. Coconut curry, Ma.

No, no. Now, hurry up.

Don't give me a hard time.

And this TV. I'm so sick of it!

Take this off. Hurry up.

Ma, what are you doing?

I'll do it myself.

What "wear it yourself"?

I'll wear it myself.

The guests are on their way.

Did you change your underwear?

Ma!

What "Ma"? Did you?

Out with the truth! Are you wearing

dirty ones from yesterday?

- I just hope they're not smelling.

You're such a silly little boy.

"Little"?

Oh, God!

Just because India has gone global...

should we embrace everything?

What about our ancient culture?

Our tradition? Our values?

You are saying

censorship is unnecessary.

- Absolutely unnecessary.

- What is your response, Mr. Bhatt?

Let's take the example of America.

This is not America.

This is India.

You think just because you wear

handloom and speak in Hindi...

that you represent the common man?

Well, you don't.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...

one of our top dubbists in Delhi,

Shivani Tanakiya.

- This is what the common man hears.

- So, somebody enjoying sex.

So what's the problem?

We have to take a short break,

ladies and gentlemen,

but please stay tuned to Delhi dot com.

Hi.

Hi.

How have you been?

Fine.

Are you happy?

Yeah.

I miss you.

Oh, hi, Aditi. I'm sorry.

- We're starting in 20 seconds.

- I'll be right there.

Sorry.

I have to go.

Call me.

Aditi, why are you doing this?

What? What am I doing?

I don't think

you're ready for marriage.

I just want to settle down.

So what do you do?

Get married to some guy

selected by Mummy and Daddy?

You've known him

for a couple of weeks!

You are so mature, Aditi.

I can't wait around to see if Vikram's

wife will agree to divorce him.

I've read too many magazines, Ria.

I know it may never happen.

Do you get all your life directions

from f***ing Cosmopolitan?

Don't get superior with me.

We're family, and I can tell you

what I think, and I will.

That's right.

My older, unmarried cousin Ria.

What would she know about passion?

I didn't mean that, Didi.

For all this talk of passion,

how about marrying for love, Aditi?

There's a Tempo in the middle

of the driveway.

We had to go to the tailor and then-

But people are about to arrive

and you're not dressed yet!

Come on, hurry up.

You're looking very handsome today.

Hurry up and get ready.

Take it easy.

What are you doing here?

Just chillin'.

Just chilling.

Idiot.

Hi, Mom. I'm back.

Aliya? God, what are you doing here?

You're so disgusting.

Get out now! Out!

Out!

What does this word mean?

- How come you're so irritating?

- How come you're still unmarried?

Hello, sweetie.

What does this word mean?

Its "uxorious. "

Its "uxorious. "

Uxorious?

So you are facing this way as barman?

I'm the barman, facing this way,

and this acts as a roof.

No need to be happy

about being the barman.

You're not supposed to touch

one drop of the stuff. Understand?

A barman should be absolutely sober.

Keep this list, and make sure

the servants don't swipe anything...

and make small drinks for everybody,

not too large.

The whiskey hasn't come yet!

Uday was supposed to bring it.

Here he comes.

My unpunctual brother.

Good morning.

What do you think?

We got real scotch from Uday's client.

- Thank you, Sona.

- Hi, Lalo Uncle.

- Why aren't you staying with us?

- I have to study for my exams.

I hope my little Aliya

didn't trouble you.

No, she's such a little delight.

Pick it up and take it in.

This is no time

for family members to arrive.

Its only 4:
00.

Just relax!

Ayesha, this is C.L. Uncle

and Shashi Auntie's son Rahul.

They live in Dubai.

Muscat, actually.

Yeah, Muscat, okay.

You have a tattoo.

Yeah.

Okay, bye.

I think your cousin Rahul

would really like it.

You have to know this.

I heard your mother tell him and sister

your bra size was 36C.

- Why would she do that?

- Sorry, but it's 32A.

I know that,

but we can't tell them.

Pimmi, come on!

The groom's here!

Oh, sh*t.

Welcome, welcome.

Thank you, thank you.

This is Pimmi's brother from Muscat.

Rahul, come here!

Its okay, it's okay.

Hello, young man. How are you?

Have you got the blue box?

So, excited?

Soon to be in family way!

So, you like India?

Yeah.

Better than Houston, no?

Good, good, good.

India needs young men like you.

Yes, computer engineers

are India's biggest export.

Am I a coolie or what?

Bhai-sahab,

what would you like to drink?

Scotch, please on the "rockiolis. "

"Rockiolis" means ice?

Two lumps, exactly.

Exactly.

I'll have the same, thanks.

Uh "rockioli. "

Rahul, two whiskies here.

Two cubes of ice exactly.

Oh, my goodness. Look at you!

How lovely you look.

Rockioli, rockioli.

Mrs. Rai over there.

Hi. Congratulations.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. How are you?

Fine.

I must have another drink.

Rahul, idiot, come here.

Come here and hold

the camera. Listen.

Look at them.

How handsome Hemant is.

Come on, put it on.

Camera on!

On the ring!

Thank you.

Just in time!

This is Varun?

He's almost a young man.

How did you manage? I sent Rahul

to airport, told me flight was late.

No, it was not late. Nobody was there

at the airport, so we took a cab.

- You had to take a cab?

- Its okay.

Rahul, you idiot, I sent you

to the airport to receive them.

You come back and tell me

the flight was late?

He's been working day and night.

He doesn't know India.

But he's number one

most stupid duffer.

I'm sorry to say,

but I don't like this!

Bhai-sahab, this is Mr. Tej Puri,

married to my sister Vijaya.

After my older brother

Surinder bhai-sahab passed away...

Tej bhai has been

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