Monsters Vs Aliens

You'd better pray to the Lord

When you see those flying saucers

It may be the coming of the Judgment Day

Hey, Jerry, you might wanna check this

one out. Palomarjust picked it up.

Looks like some type of UFO,

and it's heading this way.

How many times do I have to tell you?

UFOs don't exist

and we're never gonna see...

- Wow, its energy signature is massive.

- Holy Cheez-lts! What do we do?!

No one told us what to do!

I took this job because

you never have to do anything!

Jerry, stop it.

Let me calculate its impact point.

Looks like...

...Modesto, California.

Supernova, this is Red Dwarf.

We actually have one!

Code Nimoy! I repeat, Code Nimoy!

What are you guys doing here?

It's 5.00 in the morning.

Hurry, turn on the TV! Turn it on now!

...and some early morning fog,

giving way to sunny skies.

Seventy-five degrees.

A perfect day to stop by

the old folk art and craft show

down at the fairgrounds, or a

perfect day to marry Susan Murphy.

I love you, baby.

I love you, too.

And good morning, Modesto!

Channel 172.

You look gorgeous, sweetheart.

Thanks, Mom.

My little girl!

Daddy!

Now, I want you to know that, even

though I'm about to give you away...

...I will always be here

to take care of you.

Don't cry because then you'll make me

cry, and that's just gonna be a mess.

I can't help it!

Hello, everyone! Attention, attention!

Wedding starts in 30 minutes!

- My beautiful daughter-in-law!

- Hi, Mama Dietl.

It's like a fairy tale. The Weatherman

and the Weatherman's Wife.

Romantic.

I know. Just think, this time tomorrow,

I'm gonna be in Paris!

And someday, we won't

just be honeymooning there.

Derek will become an anchor

or a foreign correspondent.

- And we'll travel all over the world.

- Honey, my fingers are crossed.

One thumb is shorter than the other.

Runs in the family.

Derek doesn't have that.

It skips a generation.

Your kids are gonna have it!

Wow, you look beautiful.

So do you. I mean, handsome.

I mean...

Sorry. I'm just a little frazzled.

I just spent way too much time

with our parents.

Don't worry, OK?

We'll be alone soon, just us.

Eating cheese and baguettes

by the Seine,

feeding each other chocolate crepes.

- Is something wrong?

- No, no! It's just that, well...

There's been a slight change of plans.

We're not going to Paris.

- What? Why not?

- Because we're going somewhere better.

- Better than Paris?

- Oh, yeah.

Where? Tahiti?!

Nope! Fresno!

Fresno!

Fresno.

In what universe is Fresno

better than Paris, Derek?

In the "I've got an audition to become

Channel 23's new

evening anchor" universe.

Got the call from the general manager,

he wants me to come in immediately!

- Isn't that great?

- Derek!

That's...

...amazing! It's amazing.

Fresno's a top 50 market, isn't it?

It's 55th, but we're on our way, babe!

Now, look. About Paris...

It's OK. It's fine!

As long as we're together,

Fresno is the most

romantic city in the whole world.

- I'm so proud of you.

- Of us! Notjust of me.

I mean, of course, but we're a team now.

You're so proud of us.

Now, get out of here.

It's bad luck to see me in my dress.

Come on. You know

I don't believe in that stuff.

I'll be waiting for you at the altar...

the handsome news anchor in the tux.

Love you! There, I said it.

I love you, too.

Susan!

Where could she be?

Susan! Where are you?!

Susan! Where have you been?!

I think I just got hit by a meteorite.

Oh, Susan. Every bride feels

that way on her wedding day.

My goodness, look at you. You're filthy.

Thank God I have Wet Ones.

Wow.

You're glowing.

Thank you.

No. No, Susan, you're, like,

really glowing. You're green!

Oh, no!

Derek!

Oh, my gosh!

What's going on?!

- What's happening?!

- You're all shrinking!

Uh-uh! You're growing!

- Well, make it stop!

- Get me the government!

This is impossible!

No, this can't be happening.

Wait, wait. Everybody, it's OK!

Have some champagne

while we're figuring this out!

Thumbs! Thumbs!

Derek! Help me!

Sweet Lord!

- Here comes the bride!

- Oh, Carl! It's her wedding day!

Derek? Derek?

Beam hurt Derek.

- Susan?

- Thank goodness you're OK!

What's happening to me?

Don't panic! Don't worry!

Whatever you do, don't drop...

- Derek!

- Sorry, sir.

Who are you people?

What are you doing?

Stop it! Be careful!

Get your hands off me!

Don't you know who I am?!

Please, just leave me alone!

Watch those cables!

She's coming down!

Watch out!

Move it, move it!

Let's go! Move it, move it!

Pull, pull!

Derek?

All right, let's get

this baby on the bus.

Honey, could you hit the snooze?

Baby, why did you set the alarm?

We're on our honeymoon.

Hello?

What's going on?

Hello?

Is itjust legs?

Did they capture a giant pair of legs?

Silence, B.O. B! She'll hear us!

- How? Legs don't have ears.

- Just shush!

Hello?

Is there someone there?

Could you tell me where I am?

Hello? What was that?

Hello.

Will you stop?! Careful!

Please, madam!

Stop! Doing! That!

Whatever mad scientist made you,

he really went all out.

You can talk.

Hi, there!

My back!

Just kidding! I don't have a back!

Forgive him, but as you can see,

he has no brain.

Turns out you don't need one.

Totally overrated!

As a matter of fact, I don't even...

I forgot how to breathe!

Don't know how to breathe!

Help me, Dr Cockroach! Help!

Suck in, B.O.B.

Thanks, Doc. You're a lifesaver.

Wow, look at you.

I know what you're thinking.

First day in prison, you want to

take down the toughest guy in the yard.

Well, I'd like to see you try.

Ninja!

- Gosh. Look, she's speechless.

- She?

Yes, B.O. B! We are in the presence

of the rare female monster.

No way! It's a boy. Look at his boobies.

We need to have a talk.

Gentlemen, I'm afraid we are not making

a very good first impression.

At least I'm talking.

First new monster in years, we

couldn't get a wolf man or a mummy?

Just, you know,

somebody to play cards with.

Might we ask your name, madam?

Susan.

No, no, no. We mean your monster name.

Like, what do people scream

when they see you coming?

You know, like,

"Look out! Here comes!"

Susan.

Really?

Susan!

I just scared myself. That is scary.

Yes! Eat times.

That is repulsive!

An old slipper!

Oh, please, God,

tell me this isn't real.

Please tell me I had a nervous

breakdown at the wedding, and now I'm

in a mental hospital on medication

that's giving me hallucinations.

Don't scare Insectosaurus!

He's gonna pee himself,

then we'll all be in trouble.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote