More Than 1000 Words Page #5

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I know of photographers who

went to therapy privately.

It's now 10 years later,

I still feel it distinctly.

I remember exactly where

I stood, what I did, what I saw.

It was important for

me to return now

at the exact minute

it happened ten years ago.

Perhaps to close

a circle in my life.

I was in shock.

I didn't know how to

define it in medical terms,

but for weeks every time

I blinked I saw corpses.

When I saw a sleeping bag

in our building's stairwell,

I thought it was a dead body,

I mean... everything.

It haunted me

for a very long time.

Paradoxically,

the most traumatic

day of my life

is also the day I became

known internationally.

It's not so easy, you know.

It's true that newspapers

profit from people's tragedies;

but when you are the one to

benefit, it's hard to deal with.

It was undoubtedly

the boldest step in the

history of the Israeli press.

It was the first and

I think the last time that

a picture of an exposed dead

Israeli was published in Israel.

It was so horrifying people

simply couldn't deal with.

We've seen pictures of dead

bodies from Africa or Serbia

or other recent wars,

but we hadn't seen

a dead Israeli before.

My whole career prepared

me for moments like that.

I couldn't stop and say,

"Hold on!

I'm not trained for this."

So I climbed onto the roof

to take that shot from above.

There is a very important

photographer's festival

in Perpignon, France.

Last year, I had

an exhibition there,

and Ziv had a very important

projection of his work

in an old amphitheatre.

2000 of the most

important people in the

photography scene were there.

Photo editors, photographers

and magazine editors.

Jonathan and I were

together in Perpignon, France.

We separated in the morning.

I returned to Israel

and he returned to New York,

and the following

morning was September 11th.

The amazing thing is

that all the photo editors

of Newsweek for example

got stuck in France for two weeks

and could not get

back to the States.

Jonathan was lucky to get back

to the States the night before.

Although it was 9 AM in the

States, it was afternoon in Israel.

And just as the first plane hit the

building, there were some reports.

I saw it live, and I immediately

called Jonathan.

I was standing here by my kitchen

window on September 11th

at a quarter to nine. By then the

first tower was already on fire.

Ten minutes later, I saw the

second plane hit the second tower.

I was so shocked I started

shaking. I remember running

to get my camera to photograph

it, thinking I have to shoot

on high speed because

I can't hold the camera steady.

And when I reached

the window, I saw 'Boom!'

Then I immediately

ran down to shoot.

And this photograph is

from the following day,

at first light,

opposite the World Trade Center,

Number 1 Liberty Plaza.

When I went into these offices,

I was really surprised to see

all the damage that had also been

done to the buildings opposite.

Ziv called me

when it happened,

then he tried to call me

several times afterwards,

but all the lines were dead...

It was impossible.

When the towers collapsed,

I was worried as hell.

I had many friends there,

running around taking pictures,

so when the buildings collapsed,

I was scared to death.

When the second building

collapsed, I was very close,

in the Winter Garden.

I photographed two pictures

when it began to crumble,

and for the first time in my life

I thought I was going to die.

I got a rush of adrenaline. Me

and all the officers and firemen.

We just ran for our lives.

As I was walking on the debris

I found a postcard.

I picked it up and it read,

"TOP OF THE

WORLD TRADE CENTER".

I am sure it was a souvenir

from the viewing platform

on top of the Towers.

But on the back

of the card it says,

"In 1993, there was a terrorist

attack on the WTC.

But the WTC continues to

dominate the skyline of NYC."

And that's when I see it laying

there in the ruins of the towers.

I've found it very frustrating

to see the firefighters,

without means,

unable to do anything.

A day before Arafat's funeral,

I was in Ramalla.

Armed men from the

Al Aqsa brigades arrived

and handed out leaflets saying

they would attack

and kidnap any Israeli

journalist

covering Arafat's funeral.

Still I was determined to go.

But two things made

me change my mind.

First, the danger was more real

then, than it'd ever been before.

And second was the thought

that if all the good

photographers are in Ramalla,

I could get a scoop in Jerusalem.

So I decided not to

go to Ramalla that day.

In retrospect, I see that

it was a huge mistake,

perhaps the

biggest of my career.

I returned without a

single frame from maybe one

of the most important events in

the history of this conflict.

You think, 'A pregnant wife,

a five year old daughter...'

I don't know.

I decided not to go.

Looking back, it seems silly.

Lots of Israeli

photographers went.

And not a hair on

their heads was touched.

I made a serious

journalistic mistake.

I should have been there,

and I wasn't.

A mistake, par excellence.

Often I go out there

and nothing happens.

This time something big was

happening, and I wasn't there.

That's the difference.

The Palestinian soldiers

were crying, the helicopters

were landing, and all the

madness that was there...

Listen, there were some

extraordinary frames.

And I have none.

I don't really know

many photographers

who work like him and

travel around the world,

who have a wife

and children at home.

It's no wonder

that most of the photojournalists

or war photographers

who travel around the world

are either single or divorced.

If you are married or have a

girlfriend, they are not willing

to accept that work is number

one, and they are number two.

And I think that's one of the

main reasons why I'm divorced.

So now I'm single again. Can

you display my phone number?

Let's say, I'm not

number 1 in his life;

I understood this

a long time ago.

Because how can dinner

be more important than

immortalizing history?

How can some kind

of 'down' of mine

be more important

than all the things he sees?

How could basic things like...

wanting my

husband to be home

because I'm pregnant

and things are difficult

be more important than...

people losing their legs?

I know he thought about

the wounded for a long time

because of all

the wounded he sees.

He said to me,

"People don't understand...

when we hear 20 dead

and we pity the families,

the number of wounded

becomes a statistic.

The lightly wounded, the

moderately wounded."

He said, "The lightly wounded

person's life may be totally ruined.

His family's life

may be destroyed."

I think from this...

the will to do

such a project arose.

And Louai today for us

is not just a book

or a prize, or

international exhibitions.

Louai is family.

He's part of our lives

until the end of our lives.

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