Motivational Growth Page #4

Leah:
Sh*t!

Ian:
Ten sixteen, ten sixteen, ten sixteen.

(door knocking)

Vanessa:
Ian B. Folliver?

Ian:
The B is for Brady.

Vanessa:
Right.

Oh hey, I have your groceries you ordered.

That's what I'm doing out here.

Holding all of your groceries.

Ian:
Where's Willis?

Vanessa:
Who's Willis now?

Ian:
Willis is my delivery guy.

He delivers my groceries every 18 days.

The same order every 18 days.

Vanessa:
Oh, well he's probably

somebody else's delivery guy now.

It works like that, move on, move up.

You mind if I actually deliver these groceries?

You ordered a lot of heavy sh*t.

So. You live here? Okay.

We had almost everything on the list,

we were missing the malt extract,

and our pharmacy had to special order the tryptone.

You cleared us out of ribeye and Gro-Moar, though,

so it's kind of give and take.

Ian:
I have no idea what you just said.

Vanessa:
I mean, that the malt extract

and tryptone will probably have to be

dropped off in the next day or two.

Ian:
Who are you again?

Vanessa:
Vanessa. Shop MOAR. Grocery delivery?

You know, when you think think think,

and your thinkin's gotcha thinking,

think Shop MOAR Delivery Grocers

on Weston!

Think Shop MOAR, Jerrystown?

Ian:
What is all this stuff?

Vanessa:
Your groceries, are you high?

Ian:
I didn't order any cf this stuff I

Where are my real groceries?

Vanessa:
These ones here,

these are your real groceries, you ordered them.

Fax machine says you did, see this?

That's you, Ian B. Folliver

lan:
The B is for Brady.

Vanessa:
Right, that's your order.

And that's me, Vanessa, right next

to the 15.8% gratuity reminder.

Right next to the 15.8% gratuity reminder.

Ian:
Please leave.

Vanessa:
That's fair.

You haven't gotten your whole order yet,

so I don't get the tip, I'm okay with that.

Ian:
Vanessa,Just please leave.

Vanessa:
I'll be back with the rest of your order

when it comes in, and I'd appreciate

some recognition at such a time.

Are we agreed?

It's a deal.

(sighs)

lan:
What is all this stuff?

The Mold:
This, Jack. This is the beginning.

Ian:
I didn't order any cf this stuff I

Well maybe the B-Sha-Ka,

but I don't even know what Agar-Lax is.

The Mold:
It's a laxative for celery heads.

Ian:
And why do I need that?

The Mold:
You don't.

Ian:
What about Meno-Propyl, what's that?

The Mold:
That's girls stuff, Jack-0. For the

rough stuff, middle of the month.

Ian:
I'm sorry which one of us is a girl?

A's you a girl?

The Mold:
The Mold is The Mold.

You're losing focus, Jack.

You answered the door.

Ian:
I did! It's my door.

The Mold:
You didn't give The Mold a chance to advise,

you didn't work teamwise with The Mold.

Ian:
You stopped making sense

when you started talking, man.

The Mold:
The Mold started talking

when you needed it to, Jack

The Mold started talking

because it has a plan for you.

Ian:
You keep telling me that.

The Mold:
And it never ceases to be so.

Ian:
Why does this sh*t

in my bathroom wall have a plan?

How does that even work?

I have a hard time with two-step instant

Bu-Sha-ka and the algae has a plan.

The Mold:
The Mold, Jack.

Look this is all for you, all of it.

Ian:
All of the weird sh*t?

The Mold:
Yes!

These things The Mold tossed on

to your monthly supply drop are growing things.

You remember growing, right Jack?

You were a little sprout once, yes?

A little whip in the wind?

Remember the smiles, Jack?

Remember the discovery of life?

The Mold, is life.

There's a whole world of dandies

and fantastics waiting for you to pull up

hop out and dance for them.

And The Mold wants you to live!

Ian:
I don't get it, why?

The Mold:
Because you're special, Jack.

And The Mold needs you to believe that.

Ian:
I don't get it, why?

The Mold:
So that we can begin.

Jack, are you ready to begin?

Ian:
What do you want me to do?

(S-bit music)

It had been quite awhile since

I liked anything substantial,

anything cultured, that's for sure.

The Mold taught me how to love life,

and how to get up and move.

He taught me how to keep up with things,

I always had a problem with that.

You can tell you're happy

when you nick yourself

with a razor and it hurts again.

Maybe you even nicked yourself

because you were smiling.

Maybe you were smiling because you

remembered what it meant to look nice.

Why was I listening to The Mold?

I like to think I'm smart enough

to know when someone's smarter than me,

be it a lower form of life or whatever.

Within a day or two, I was no longer

Ian Brady Folliver, the lump on

the couch with the TV fixation.

I was on top of life again, in control, with it.

And I had a friend.

As the week went on, I began to spend

more and more time with The Mold.

He seemed to know just

what to do Tn any situation.

He turned out to be a frightfully

intelligent chunk of fungus.

I also started looking at girls.

Well, girl.

The universe in motion became her,

she was everything I wasn't,

everything I wanted to be,

everything I wanted to be with.

The entirety of life was in her walk.

For her, I would, oh sh*t.

(door knocking)

Mold?

Mold!

(door knocking)

Leah:
Hi, my name is Leah.

I just think you should know that,

if you're going to be door stalking me.

Ian:
I, I wasn't I don't Mold?

Leah:
Listen, Box wouldn't rent to you

if you were a schizoid or a toe cutter

or some other word for weirdo,

so I'm not worried you're gonna come

shooting out of your hobbit hole

and rape me until I sh*t a mouse,

I just wanted you to know where I stand.

Ian:
It's just that I don't know how

Leah:
Whenever you look through your peephole,

it goes from light to dark

a guy's eyeball looking through it.

I follow a very specific routine,

and It seems that you do too.

I just thought it would be meaningful

for you to have a name to go with the face.

Also, I wanted a face to go

with the odd guy's eyeball.

I figured we could workout the name to face

ratio disparity at a future date.

Ian:
I can't I can't

Leah:
I need to get back to my routine,

you have a great day.

You'll see me tomorrow, okay?

Ian:
Okay.

Leah:
There was some guy out here yesterday

trying to pick your locks.

Box escorted him outwith a baseball bat.

Later, oddball.

Ian:
Leah.

Mold!

The Mold:
The Mold.

Ian:
The Mold.

The Mold:
what you got, pal-o-mine?

Ian:
I met her, her name's Leah, and she

(screaming)

Tell me again that I'm not there.

The Mold:
This is ridiculous, Jack.

Ian:
Tell me again, that I'm not over there.

Right there, on the floor.

The Mold:
With you over there,

who would be talking to The Mold right now?

Ian:
That's my point.

That's exactly my point.

The Mold:
Whatever you think is there, Jack,

it's not there, take it from The Mold.

Ian:
I can see me, I can see me there.

Oh god, I think I'm...

The Mold:
You're right here, Jack.

You're talking to The Mold,

The Mold's talking right back at you.

Look at The Mold.

Lean dawn here, come on.

Ian:
Look at me, I'm rotting.

Jesus, I smell.

The Mold:
Look atThe Mold.

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