Moving Page #6

where a girl can use one.

Damn nostril hair.

Giddy-up, Mr. car.

Hey, stud,

you wanna ride me?

Do you like my car?

It's got

a real big engine.

Do you?

Have it your way,

Mr. perfect.

I hope

she's a good driver.

You're listening to Boise's

number one

rock 'n' roll station: J-105.

I'm Carl--

Well, it's almost 3:30,

and the movers

should be there by now.

Boys, we're almost there.

Arlo:
I got the key,

and I want everybody--

close your eyes!

Come on, kids.

Close your eyes.

This is gonna be--

you, too!

This is

gonna be a surprise.

All right,

close your eyes!

We're--

can we open

our eyes now?

No.

Where are the doors?

Oh! Ooh!

Ooooh!

Ooooh!

Aaaaah!

Kitchen!

The kitc--

the kitchen!

Where's the kitchen?

They took

the goddamn kitchen!

There's no kitchen!

Hello?!

Hey, how's it hangin', man?

Arlo:
How's it hangin'?

Where are you guys?

You're supposed

to be here now!

Uh, well, we got lost.

I think I took

a wrong turn somewhere.

Uh, do you think,

by chance,

you may have

made a wrong turn

to new Orleans?!

Yep,

we're in new Orleans,

and, uh,

it's mardi gras time.

Mardi gras time, huh?

Listen, a**hole,

I want my furniture here

in Boise, Idaho,

and I want it now!

Hey, all right, all right,

we're on our way, pal.

Hello?

Helloooo!

Randy:
I thought

you said we had a pool!

Aaaaaah!

Cadell, when I bought

this house from you

it had doors...

Stairs,

and a swimming pool!

Now where's the sh*t now?

Now, hold on, pear.

I distinctly told you

I was taking the pool

and the doors with us.

You said you were joking.

You were

just kidding about that.

No, sir. No, sir.

I recorded

the entire conversation.

I got

the transcript right here.

I said just kidding

about the windows

and the kitchen sink,

so I never actually said

just kidding

about the doors and the pool.

Now, listen, cadell!

You're a bullshitter, ok?!

Now, if you don't have

workmen here in 2 days

putting my stuff

back in order,

I'm gonna

kick your ass!

Man on TV:
Well,

Mr. Maverick's in.

How 'bout you,

Mr. Maverick?

Gentleman friend

still not home?

No, and I don't

understand it.

He told me to call him.

I'm sure

he'll be back soon.

Meanwhile,

come here and watch

Maverick with us.

Sit here.

Maverick:
I'll see it

and raise you $200.

Man on TV:

That ain't money.

Oh, it's the same thing.

Here's my draft

for $10,000.

Still ain't money.

We're not playin'

table stakes.

Ya see,

that's James garner.

He plays

Bret Maverick.

And that's

his brother Bart Maverick.

They're gamblers

on the Mississippi.

I don't know

who he is.

I think

he's a desperado.

Arlo:
Honey?

Monica:
Hmm?

You awake?

Mm-hmm.

Well...

The boys register

for school today.

Mm-hmm.

By noon today,

the movers should be

here with our stuff.

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna get

the furnace fixed.

Mm-hmm.

And by tonight,

everything should

be back to normal.

God, no.

Your name wouldn't

be Crawford, would it?

Yeah, that's right.

Cornell Crawford.

What's it to ya?

Do you have a brother?

Well, choke my chicken.

Your name's pear, right?

You lived right

next-door to Frank.

Am I right?

Yeah.

It's a small world,

isn't it?

Too small.

Yeah, Frank says

you're a real a**hole,

and if you f*** with me,

I'll kill ya.

Ya understand?

Oh, yeah, I--

good.

Uh, Randy

and Marshall pear?

Oh, I thought

there'd be 2 of you.

2 of me?

Yes, don't you have

a brother named Marshall?

No, ma'am.

Marshall's my middle name.

Oh, I see.

You know,

these computers

are gonna

be the death of us all.

Yes, ma'am.

They made the same mistake

at my other school.

Mm-mm-mm.

Well, Randy Marshall,

I guess you'll only

be needing one of these,

and your

locker number's 54,

and that's straight

down this hall

and to your right.

Marshall, is that you?

How'd it go?

I pulled it off.

Ahh, great.

Do you think

they'll catch on?

No one has yet.

I never thought

I'd say this, but...

I'm getting tired

of cheeseburgers

and fries.

Is it the movers?

Arlo:
The movers! Hooray!

It's the movers.

Sons of b*tches!

Wait! Don't--no!

Please, back up.

Hello!

Mr. and Mrs. pear.

We're from the welcome

wagon committee.

I'm Zelda Messina.

Woman:
Hi!

I'm

Elizabeth Griffin.

Welcome to Boise.

Hello.

Oh, these

are some brochures.

It's a free gift

from our

local merchants,

Mrs. pear.

Now, we can only come in

for just a minute.

Oh, uh, well,

we're not really fixed up yet.

Oh, I'm sure

it's just lovely.

Oh, no,

well, see--

could you move the car?

Ladies? Uh, um--

ah, I'll go around.

Brad:
Oh, man, that is--

that is a great car, man.

F***, it handles

great, man.

Left, right.

It's great.

Brakes stop

on a f***in' dime.

Jesus Christ,

you got power

in this thing, man.

The thing'll

take a hairpin turn

at 120,

no f***in' problem.

You floor it,

it just says gimme more.

The car says

gimme more, man.

Keys, dude?

A cop tried

to pull me over.

I said

eat this, man.

I put it in fifth.

Forget about it.

The only thing was

I couldn't

get it in reverse,

but then

I was pissed,

and then

I said f***,

I don't

need reverse.

What do I need

reverse for?

I don't wanna go

back in life, man.

I wanna go forward.

So the cop tries

to pull me over,

I say f*** it.

Ha ha.

Where...Is my car?

Oh, I was supposed

to deliver this car

to, uh,

To a guy named Arlo.

Is that you?

Is your name Arlo, man?

That's a f***in'

funny name. Arlo. Ha ha.

Oh, man, you must laugh

all the time, huh?

You come here

through a war zone?

Soda Springs, man.

Back off, dude.

I'm just delivering

this car as a favor

for a friend

of mine, man.

Brad Williams.

Do you know him?

He's really

f***in' straight.

I mean,

he's about my height.

Could I...

Speak to Brad...Please?

No, man,

you can't talk to Brad.

I can't talk to Brad.

No one knows

who Brad is, man.

I love him.

He's beautiful!

I can't

get close to him.

Sh*t, man,

Nixon knew, man.

I don't even know

my political affil--

huh?

Huh?

Teddy?

Ted--Teddy?

Teddy.

What...

Happened to my car?

Brad probably loaned

the car to the pope.

Don't let--

don't let

the hat fool ya, man.

The pope's

a crazy f***er.

He probably

blessed the car,

got wasted,

and just drove it

off a f***in' cliff.

Monica:
Uh,

come back next week...

Who are the chicks?

Well, we hardly ever

get into this neighborhood.

Hardly ever. Really.

Afternoon, ladies!

Oh...Zelda?

I'm gonna kill you.

Do you hear me?

Mm-hmm.

So you got about

an hour to get outta town

before I find a gun

and I load it

with 8 bullets

and I kill all crazy 8

of you son of a b*tches.

Now, please go.

I don't wanna go to jail.

Please.

You're squishin'

Teddy, man.

I'm gonna kill him, too.

How was the move?

Uneventful.

Terrific.

Good morning,

Mr. pear.

Good morning.

It is a pleasure

to meet you.

Bob Delaney,

Arlo pear.

Hi.

Come on. I want ya

to meet Ted.

Ted, this is Arlo pear,

the genius from New Jersey.

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