Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Breakfast, Mr. Smith.

What are they doing?

She's under the bedclothes,

he's playing cards.

- You looked through the keyhole?

- You can't see anything anyway.

I only listened.

Smith residence.

No, Mr. Custer, they haven't come out yet.

They opened the door for breakfast,

but didn't let out any dishes.

I'm running out of dishes.

They've been in there three days already.

What's the longest

they've kept this thing up?

Eight?

Has Sammy gotten there yet?

He's just come in. It's Mr. Custer.

Yes, Mr. Custer.

Now listen, Sammy,

that paper's got to be signed...

so don't you leave there

till it is signed, understand?

I'm depending on you, Sammy.

I'll come back with it signed, Mr. Custer.

Take me to the room.

Mr. Smith, it's me, Sammy,

from the office.

Mr. Custer says you'll have to sign this.

We can't keep postponing the case.

Push it under the door.

I'm putting it under the door, Mr. Smith.

See?

- You signed it in pencil.

- I haven't got any ink.

- It's no good in pencil.

- Go over it with a pen.

- But that's forgery.

- No, it isn't.

Anyway, nobody would know.

But I take my bar examination next June.

I could get into trouble.

Give me a pen.

Thank you, Mr. Smith.

Thought I'd left, huh?

What would you do

if I walked out that door?

Leave me?

Forever?

Long as we live,

we must never change that rule.

That's right.

If every married couple had it

there would never be a divorce.

They ought to put it in

the marriage ceremony.

Can't leave the bedroom

after a quarrel unless you've made up.

Eventually you'd have to make up.

Most men can't afford to stay away

from the office three days at a crack.

Remember the eight-day session?

- And the six?

- There were two sixes.

Two?

One Christmas week...

and the other one

the weekend of the Yale game.

That was really five and a half.

We started in the afternoon.

How about some breakfast, mother?

Ain't we manly?

Respect for each other as persons,

that's our big trick.

Man and woman are all right...

but person to person,

that's important in a marriage, too.

Make like this.

I think we'd be friends

if we were men or women, don't you?

Respect for each other as individuals,

that's what counts.

To always tell the truth,

no matter what the consequences.

I think if we told each other just one lie...

we'd have to admit we failed,

wouldn't we?

What would we have left?

A marriage like other people's.

Doubt, distrust. Going on with each other

because it's the easiest way.

Your barber is shaving you too close,

I wish you'd talk to him.

It was all my fault.

- No, my dear, it was mine.

- It was my fault, dear.

Mine, darling.

I shouldn't be jealous so much,

and I should lay off your family.

A wife should conduct herself

to please her husband.

That's one of the rules I'm going to make.

Another one?

- What's the day today?

- Darling, I'd better be running along.

No, honey. Not just yet.

Remember rule number seven?

I thought we gave that one up.

It always got us into so much trouble.

If we give up one, it means giving up...

just that much

of our wonderful relationship.

That we're letting down.

You want me to feel that?

But those questions you ask each month.

About that trip I took to Paris

the year I graduated from college.

I was only 21.

I forgave you that.

Shoot.

If you had it all to do over again,

would you have married me?

Honestly? No.

Not that I want to be married

to anyone else.

But when a man marries, he gives up

some freedom and independence.

If I had to do it all over again,

I think I would stay single.

You wanted me to answer you truthfully

because we respect each other.

We're honest with each other.

- Your feelings aren't hurt, are they?

- No. It's perfectly all right.

That's enough of that.

I was getting into trouble.

I'm not angry in the least.

Yes, you are. You don't understand.

I was only answering a hypothetical

question of what I would do...

if I had to do it all over again.

If you want your freedom,

I don't want to be the kind of wife...

who clings to her husband

when she's not wanted.

Darling, I do want to be married to you.

I love you. I worship you.

I am used to you.

How do we always get into these things?

If my only hold on you

is that you're used to me...

You've got the whole thing wrong.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

You are my little girl.

Now, don't cry. Don't cry.

Forgive me? Say you forgive me.

Now can I go to work?

I'll come back early.

- And I mean early.

- Don't work too hard, darling.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Mr. Smith.

- Morning, David.

- Morning, Jeff.

You know how she is.

You have to humor her in these things.

Don't apologize to me.

I envy you from the bottom of my heart.

- I wish I was in your shoes.

- Yeah, she's a great kid.

Certainly piles up, doesn't it?

- What is it?

- A Mr. Deever's been waiting to see you.

He won't tell me his business.

He says it's private.

Send him in.

I'll leave you to your miseries.

What about lunch at the club,

if you can make it?

I'll try and make it, Jeff.

Mr. Deever.

How do you do?

Won't you sit down?

What can I do for you?

Were you married in Beecham

in March 1937?

Yes, I was.

You know, Beecham is on the other side

of the river...

and it was always incorporated

in Brender County...

but, you see, Brender County is in Idaho.

And so...

You follow me, don't you?

Yes.

We in Beecham found out...

we had no right to be incorporated

in Brender County...

because from the other side

of the Bass River...

we belong in Nevada.

Yes, well.

We just found out...

that anybody who got married

between 1936 and now...

with an Idaho license in Nevada...

well, it isn't legal.

What do you mean?

I don't want you to be frightened,

or upset, or anything.

But there's been a kind of a mistake.

You're not legally married.

What's that?

You really are married and everything.

But there's a little technicality.

It's perfectly all right, you understand...

common law and everything.

But we figured...

in case of deaths and wills and births...

you know, children...

we figure it'd be better

if everybody kind of got married again...

just to be on the safe side.

And the Chamber of Commerce...

is sending me around to everybody

to tell them.

And we give you your $2 back.

You can use it to get another license.

Kind of funny, isn't it?

Yeah.

I've been doing this two weeks now,

just in New York.

A lot of couples came to New York.

I had a hard time locating them.

I guess I'll be going now, Mr. Smith.

I hope you don't hold this

against Beecham.

- It really wasn't our fault.

- No, not at all.

Is that your wife?

Was she Annie Krausheimer?

Yes. She lived right across from Beecham.

That's how we happened

to get married there.

- Did you know her?

- Did I know her?

She and my kid sister used to go running

in and out of the house all the time.

I remember like it was yesterday.

I can't get over that.

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