Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House Page #3

MURIEL:

Looking for something, dear?

JIM:

(briefly)

My socks.

MURIEL:

Why don't you look in your sock

drawer?

JIM:

(with restraint)

That's where I found my underwear.

MURIEL:

Oh.

(brightly)

Well, try your underwear drawer.

JIM:

I'm in my underwear drawer.

He reaches in and holds up one of Muriel's silk slips.

MURIEL:

(sipping coffee)

Well, they must be somewhere.

(attempt at morning

cheeriness)

Socks just don't get up and walk

away by themselves.

JIM:

(strained patience)

Muriel, I thought the top two-and-a-

half drawers were to be mine! I wish

you'd tell Gussie --

MURIEL:

The closet! That's where they are.

We put them in the closet.

JIM:

Socks? In the closet?

MURIEL:

Well, there didn't seem to be any

room in the drawers...

JIM:

And there's so much of it in the

closet!

MURIEL:

...so Gussie and I decided that from

now on we'll keep them in a basket

on the shelf.

JIM:

Well, thanks a lot!

He strides angrily to the closet, opens the door, reaches up

for the basket and pulls it off the shelf. As he does so,

all the hat boxes come tumbling down knocking the basket

from his hand, the socks spilling on the floor. About to

explode, he looks at Muriel.

MURIEL:

Jim, I do wish you'd make an effort

to be a little less clumsy.

JIM:

(barely containing

himself)

I'll try, dear.

Jim looks at her barely containing himself, and then puts

the hats back in the boxes, jams them back on the shelf where

they toter precariously. With bated breath he gingerly closes

the closet door. Pause. Silence. He picks up a pair of socks

and walks cautiously toward the hall door. Suddenly there is

a rumble and crash from inside the closet. Jim exchanges a

look with Muriel, is about to say something, changes his

mind, exits into the hall. Muriel looks at the closet, sighs,

takes another sip of coffee.

INT. THE HALL

Jim opens the door of the bathroom. There is a scream. He

quickly closes the door, scowling with annoyance. A moment

later the door opens and Joan emerges, wrapping her robe

around her.

JOAN:

(sharply)

Father, just one morning I wish you'd

knock!

JIM:

(to her back as she

walks away)

'Morning, dear.

Joan disappears into her room as Jim enters the bathroom.

INT. THE BATHROOM

Very small with a stall shower. Jim takes off his bathrobe,

yawns, gets on the scale, looks at the dial, shakes his head.

He takes a deep breath, draws in his stomach, looks down,

scowls, shrugs, gets off, moves to the mirror. He examines

the thinness of his hair, the condition of his tongue, etc.

Taking his toothbrush he looks down at the tube he is about

to use, frowns.

WHAT HE SEES - THE TOOTHPASTE TUBE

WHAT HE SEES - the toothpaste tube. It has been squeezed in

the middle, one of Blandings' pet peeves.

CLOSE SHOT - JIM METICULOUSLY SMOOTHES OUT THE TUBE

CLOSE SHOT - Jim meticulously smoothes out the tube, rolls

up the used portion from the bottom. Then placing a small

amount on his brush, he caps the tube, and starts vigorously

to brush his teeth. As he does so, he attempts with his free

hand, to put the tube back in the medicine cabinet which he

opens.

CLOSE SHOT - THE MEDICINE CABINET

CLOSE SHOT - the medicine cabinet, loaded to the hilt with

medical accumulation of fourteen years of family life.

CLOSE SHOT - JIM

CLOSE SHOT - Jim. As he pushes the tube into the bulging top

shelf, a bottle of iodine falls out. Jim makes a desperate

one-handed catch, still brushing his teeth. As he pushes the

iodine into the second shelf, a small bottle of pills pops

out. Jim catches it, pushes it back into the cabinet. A bottle

of cough medicine falls out. He catches it, tries to put it

back, finds it won't fit. He looks at the bottle, sniffs it,

contemplates its value, throws it in the wastebasket. He

finishes washing his mouth, admires his teeth, disrobes and

steps into the shower, putting on his shower cap. He reacts,

scowls, takes off the cap and turns it upside down, a full

cup of water falling out. He reaches out for a towel, dries

the inside of the cap, carefully puts it back on his now wet

hair. Then he turns the water on and at the first warm spray

Jim Blandings' life takes a sharp turn for the better. He

starts to sing, a robust bathroom baritone version of "Home

On The Range."

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