Mr. Turner Page #8

- What is he doing?

- And why is he doing it?

Whatever he's brewing,

we'll soon be viewing it.

A masterpiece I here present

which Mr Turner has just sent.

While mostly blessed

with good intent, we have our doubts.

But who's this gent?

Ye common throng and hoi polloi,

I am a rich and cultured boy.

My wealth derives

from tricking knaves

and selling coffee, tea and slaves.

My house is full of things of beauty,

paintings, sculpture and other booty.

I like to drink and gourmandise...

But what is this that greets my eyes?

It is the latest thing in art.

It looks like bits of old jam tart.

'Tis Mr Turner's latest piece,

which placed above your mantelpiece...

Oh, cease your costermonger sounds!

Ru buy it.

- Here's 1,000 pounds.

- Oh, I thank you in my humble way.

- Don't grovel, send it round today.

- I'll do so, sir, without delay.

Rejoice! Hurrah!

Hip, hip, hooray!

Though ignorant of art and taste,

I'm filled with boundless glee,

for what's good enough for Turner...

is good enough for me!

Mr Ruskin, I fail to see

wherein lies the charity

in misleading people

as to the amount of talents they possess.

Talent is something

that lies dormant

and needs to be drawn out

in the right circumstances.

If one has the opportunity

to have it drawn out.

My wife, Effie,

I am still waiting for her talents

to arise and be drawn out.

I think talents can be crushed

as much as they may be drawn out.

Precisely.

Perhaps it is the duty

of the husband...

Plutarch said,

"Painting is silent poetry."

Are you interested in poetry, sir?

Sublime.

Loneliness...

...solitude...

...'tis not the same.

Indeed not, Mr Turner.

It will come.

Mrs Ruskin... it will come.

Love.

Oh...

What is the hour?

- Five-and-twenty to seven.

- Oh.

Oh, God!

Oh...

The sun's up in all its glory.

I must get on.

- Don't you want your breakfast?

- No, thank you kindly.

Are you faring well?

Yes, thank you.

- And yourself?

- Yes, yes.

Will I be seeing you tonight?

- Unlikely.

- Tomorrow?

- No.

- Oh.

I might as well stop

changing the bed sheets in here.

Mr Booth!

Good day to you.

- 'Tis warmer now.

- Sultry day.

- Ooh, what d'you have there?

- Bit of drift bark.

Ooh!

Has the look of a fallen angel.

- Pretty colours.

- Mm.

Oh! Sticky.

Horrid parched.

- Good morning, sir.

- A very good day to you, sir.

- Nice day, sir.

- Mm-hm.

Ah! Good morning, sir.

Greetings and welcome.

A hearty good morning to you, sir.

- Now, you would be Mr...

- Mr Booth.

Ah, Booth, yes. Mr Booth.

- At the appointed hour, I believe.

- Indeed, sir.

Mayall, John Mayall.

I had made that assumption, sir.

At your service, Mr Booth.

Now, if you would be so kind

as to make yourself comfortable...

- This is the contraption?

- Indeed, sir.

That is what we call the camera.

- The cam-ta'?

- Yes, sir.

Not the cam-er-ah?

Er... no, sir.

The camera.

- The camera?

- Yes, sir.

As "m camera obscure'?

Ah, precisely, sir.

The camera.

Now, if I may ask you

to take a seat, please, here.

- Name of manufacturer?

- Er...

It comes to us

from the United States, sir.

The name eludes you?

Oh, no, sir.

My name eludes me

from time to time.

Indeed, sir?

Now...

Hm...

I denote from your brogue

that you hail from the Americas.

From the fine city of Philadelphia, sir.

Philadelphia?

'Tis on the eastern coast, is it not?

That is correct, sir.

Ow!

You shall have to forgive

the whip-crack of my knees.

- Hat on or hat off?

- Er... may I ask your profession, sir?

Master of Chancery.

- A man of the law.

- Indeed.

Then I should recommend the hat on, sir.

Now, if I might deploy this device...

Hey!

What is this heinous implement?

Merely a gentle holding brace, sir.

Puts me in mind of a surgical instrument.

- Does it hurt?

- Not in the slightest, I assure you.

So, if I may...

Not too uncomfortable for you, Mr Booth?

Thank you, sir.

What is the significance

of the looking-glass?

It is to illuminate your good self, sir.

As the sun upon a lake.

Oh! Most droll, Mr Booth.

Most droll.

What is concealed

behind the small brass cap?

- An optic?

- Yes, sir, a glass lens.

As a telescope?

Not unlike a telescope, sir.

Thank you, Cornelius.

- It is prismatic?

- I fear not, sir.

- It is an achromatic lens.

- Achromatic.

Now, let me peruse you.

Why are you shrouded

in the manner of a condemned monk?

I am simply shutting out the light,

Mr Booth.

Ah, splendid, sir.

The image you create

is not of colour.

For why?

Er... I am afraid that is a question

we have yet to answer, sir.

It is a mystery.

Thank you, Cornelius.

And long may it remain so.

Now, if I may ask you

to focus your gaze here, on the flowers,

and we are almost ready.

Thank you, Cornelius.

Now...

I will require your absolute stillness

for the next ten seconds.

And... we begin.

And there we have it.

- 'Tis done?

- It is finished, sir.

I fear that I, too, am finished.

Oh, come, come, sir.

This be one of them there photographs.

The Queen had one of these taken

with Prince Albert.

- Did she so?

- She did.

- Oh!

- Hm.

Oh, you do look most handsome.

- 'Us known as a daguerreotype.

- Oh.

Whatever next?

- Where'd you have this done, then?

- Up in town on the Strand.

Fellow with a box.

- We're going there.

- Where?

- Have our likeness taken.

- When?

- Thursday.

- Oh.

I've arranged an appointment.

- Well, you'll have to cancel it.

- 'Tis painless.

Oh, I care not.

You don't want my old face

in one of these.

I do, the two of us together.

Forever.

I do thank you for this.

But I ain't going.

"Us the camera.

Mr Mayall, may I beg your indulgence

with a question?

Why, certainly, sir.

Do you take landscapes

with your contraption?

- I do, sir, from time to time.

- Such as what?

Why, I have recorded

the great falls of Niagara, sir.

- The Niagara Falls?

- Indeed, sir.

The greatest wonder in nature.

It was there that I was once able

to capture a rainbow.

I'm green-eyed with envy.

The Niagara Falls...

...is a natural phenomenon

that I have long desired to witness.

Is that so, sir?

Now, madam, sir,

if I may ask you to fix your gaze here

upon these beautiful flowers.

Thank you, Cornelius.

Niagara Falls.

Soon painters will go about the world

with a box, like a tinker,

instead of a portfolio under their arms.

Well, I'm sure they will, sir.

I'm sure they will.

Now, if you are comfortable,

madam, sir,

we may proceed.

- Thank you, miss.

- Thank you, sir.

- Your good health, sir.

- And yours, Mr Gillott.

- Turner.

- Sir.

- I have a proposition to make.

- Oh?

- I like your pictures.

- Well, thank you, sir.

My wife is especially partial

to your companion pieces

that grace our drawing room.

Please convey my felicitations

to your dear lady.

I will, thank you.

And now I wish to show you

one of my pictures.

Oh, indeed, sir?

I am much intrigued.

Five-pound note,

exceeding pretty.

Quite so.

For all of your paintings,

I will give you 20,000 of these,

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