Much Ado About Nothing

I learnin this letter

that Don Pedro

of Arragon comes

this day to Messina.

He is very near by this,

not three leagues off.

Have any gentlemen

been lost in this action?

But few of any sort,

and none of name.

A victory

is twice itself

when the achiever

brings home full numbers.

I find here that Don Pedro

hath bestowed much honor

upon a young

Florentine called Claudio.

Much deserved on his part

and equally remembered by Don Pedro,

he hath borne himself beyond

the promise of his age,

doing, in the figure of a lamb, the feats

of a lion.

Rarh!

I pray you, is Signior Mountanto

returned from the wars or no?

I know none of that name, lady.

My cousin means

Signior Benedick of Padua.

O, he's returned

and as pleasant

as ever he was.

I pray you, how many hath he killed

and eaten in these wars?

But how many hath he killed?

For indeed I promised

to eat all of his killing.

Faith, niece, you tax

Signior Benedick too much,

but he'll be meet

with you, I doubt it not.

He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

You had musty victual,

and he hath holp to eat it.

He is a very

valiant trencherman,

he hath

an excellent stomach.

And a good soldier too, lady.

And a good soldier

to a lady.

But what is he to a lord?

A lord to a lord,

a man to a man,

stuffed with all

honorable virtue.

It is so, indeed,

he is no less

than a stuffed man.

You must not, sir,

mistake my niece.

There is a kind of merry war betwixt

Signior Benedick and her.

They never meet but there's a skirmish

of wit between them.

Who is his companion now?

He hath every month a new sworn brother.

Is't possible?

Very easily possible.

He wears his faith

but as the fashion of his hat,

it ever changes

with the next block.

I see, lady, the gentleman

is not in your books.

No, and he were,

I would burn my study.

But, I pray you,

who is his companion?

Is there no young

squarer now that will

make a voyage

with him to the devil?

He is most in the company

of the right noble Claudio.

O, lord, he will hang upon him

like a disease.

He is sooner caught

than the pestilence,

and the taker

runs presently mad.

O, God help

the noble Claudio!

If he have caught

the Benedick,

it will cost him a thousand pound

ere he be cured.

Good Signior Leonato,

You are come to welcome

your trouble.

The fashion of the world

is to avoid cost,

and you encounter it.

Never came trouble to my house

in the likeness of your grace.

For trouble being gone,

comfort should remain.

But when you depart from me sorrow abides

and happiness takes his leave.

Hmm, you embrace

your charge too willingly.

I think

this is your daughter.

Her mother hath

many times told me so.

Were you in doubt,

sir, that you asked her?

Signior Benedick, no,

for then were you a child.

Truly, truly,

the lady fathers herself.

Be happy, lady, for you are

like an honorable father.

If Signior Leonato

be her father,

She would not have his head on

her shoulders for all Messina

as like him as she is.

I wonder that you would still be talking,

Signior Benedick.

Nobody marks you.

What, my dear Lady Disdain!

Are you yet living?

Is it possible

disdain should die

while she hath such meet food to feed

it as Signior Benedick?

Courtesy itself must convert to disdain,

if you come in her presence.

Then is courtesy a turncoat.

But it is certain I am loved of all ladies,

only you excepted,

and I would I could find it in my heart

that I had not a hard heart,

for, truly, I love none.

Dear happiness to women,

else would they

have been troubled

with a pernicious suitor.

I thank God and my cold blood,

I am of your humor for that.

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow

than a man swear he loves me.

God keep your ladyship still

in that mind

so some gentleman or other shall 'scape

a predestinate scratched face.

Scratching could

not make it worse,

an 'twere such

a face as yours were.

Well, you are

a rare parrot-teacher.

Um, a bird of my tongue is better than

a beast of yours.

I would my horse

had the speed of your tongue,

and so good a continuer.

But keep in your way,

God's name, I have done.

You always end

with a jade's trick.

I know you of old.

Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato

hath invited you all.

I tell him we shall stay here

at the least the month,

and he heartily prays some occasion

may detain us longer.

Lady.

Let me bid you

welcome, my lord.

Being reconciled

with the prince your brother,

I owe you all duty.

I am not of many words,

but I thank you.

Please it your grace

lead on?

Your hand, Leonato.

We will go together.

Benedick, didst thou note the daughter

of Signior Leonato?

I noted her not,

but I looked on her.

Is she not a modest young lady?

Do you question me,

as an honest man should do,

for my simple true judgment,

or would you have me speak

after my custom,

as being a professed

tyrant to their sex?

No, I pray thee

speak in sober judgment.

Why, i' faith, methinks she is too low

for a high praise,

too brown for a fair praise,

too little for a great praise.

Only this commendation

I can afford her,

that were she

other than she is,

she were unhandsome,

and being no other than as she is,

I do not like her.

Thou thinkest I am in sport. I pray thee tell me

truly how thou likest her.

Would you buy her,

that you inquire after her?

Can the world

buy such a jewel?

Yea, and a case

to put it into.

But speak you

this with a sad brow?

In mine eye she is the sweetest lady

that ever I looked on.

I can see yet without spectacles

and I see no such matter.

There's her cousin, an she were not

possessed with a fury,

exceeds her

as much in beauty

as the first of May

doth the last of December.

But I hope you have no intent

to turn husband, have you?

I would scarce trust myself,

though I had

sworn the contrary,

if Hero would be my wife.

Is it come to this?

Shall I never see a bachelor

of three-score again?

Go ty i' faith, an thou wilt needs

thrust thy neck into a yoke,

wear the print of it and sigh

away Sundays.

What secret hath held you here,

that you followed not Leonato?

I would your grace

would constrain me to tell.

I charge

thee on thy allegiance.

O, on my allegiance?

Mark you this.

On my allegiance

he is in love.

With who? Now that

is your grace's part.

Mark you

how short his answer is.

With Hero,

Leonato's short daughter.

Amen, if you love her, for the lady is

very well worthy.

You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

By my troth,

I speak my thought.

And, in faith,

my lord, I spoke mine.

And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord,

I spoke mine.

That I love her I feel.

And that she is worthy,

I know.

That I neither feel

how she should be loved

nor know

how she should be worthy

is the opinion that fire cannot

melt out of me.

I will die in it at the stake.

Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic

in the despite of beauty.

That a woman conceived me,

I give her thanks,

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