Mulan

Soldier:

Ah! [The hawk lets out a call. The soldier walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more.]

Soldier:

[Running back to his post] We're under attack! Light the signal!

The door opens, revealing a couple of Huns. The soldier climbs up the ladder.

Soldier:

[lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at the Hun leader; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall] Now all of China knows you're here.

Shan Yu:

[picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire] Perfect.

***

The Chinese General and two soldiers walk into the Emperor's chamber and bow.

General:

Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern Border.

Chi Fu:

Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! [He is silenced with a raised hand from the Emperor]

General:

Shan Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.

Emperor:

No! [Standing up] Send your troops to protect my people! Chi Fu!

Chi Fu:

Yes, your Highness.

Emperor:

Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

General:

Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

Emperor:

I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

***

Mulan:

[Using chopsticks to balance a grain of rice]

Quiet and demure ... graceful, polite, delicate, refined, poised ...

[she picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm] ... punctual!

[A rooster crows] Aaiee!

[Blowing on her arm] Little brother! Little brother! Little-- [she glances down at a sleeping dog on the floor]

Ah! There you are! [The dog wakes up]

Who's the smartest doggy in the world? C'mon, smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today? [she ties a sack of chicken feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Little Brother immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere.]

Fa Zu:

[praying] Honorable Ancestors ... please help Mulan impress the Matchmaker today. [Little Brother, followed by a herd of chickens, bursts into the family temple.] Please, please help her.

Mulan:

Father, I brought you some ... Whoop! [bangs into Fa Zu, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter]

Fa Zu:

Mulan ...

Mulan:

I brought a spare!

Fa Zu:

Mulan ...

Mulan:

Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning ...

Fa Zu:

Mulan.

Mulan:

... and three at night.

Fa Zu:

Mulan. You should already be in town. We're counting on you to ...

Mulan:

Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck!

Fa Zu:

Hurry! I'm going to ... pray some more.

In town

Woman #1:

Fa Li, where is your daughter? The Matchmaker is not a patient woman.

Fa Li:

Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

Granny Fa:

How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. [Holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside.] This is your chance to prove yourself. [She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk.]

Fa Li:

Grandma! No!

Granny Fa walks across the street; vehicles crash, but she emerges unharmed.

Granny Fa:

Yup! This cricket's a lucky one! [Fa Li sighs.]

Mulan comes riding up on Khan, and hops off.

Mulan:

I'm here! [looks at her mother] What? But, Mama, I had to--

Fa Li:

None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

Begin "Honor to us all"

Woman #1:

This is what you give me to work with?

Well, honey, I've seen worse.

We're going to turn this sow's ear

Into a silk purse.

Mulan:

It's freezing!

Fa Li:

It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

Woman #1:

We'll have you, washed and dried

Primped and polished till you glow with pride

Just my recipe for instant bride

You'll bring honor to us all.

Fa Li:

Mulan, what's this?

Mulan:

Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

Granny Fa:

Hold this. [Hands Crickee to Fa Li] We're going to need more luck than I thought.

Woman #2:

Wait and see, when we're through

Woman #3:

Boys will gladly go to war for you

Woman #2:

With good fortune

Woman #3:

And a great hairdo

Both:

You'll bring honor to us all.

A girl can bring her family

Great honor in one way

By striking a good match

And this might be the day

Woman #4:

Men want girls with good taste

Woman #5:

Calm

Fa Li:

Obedient

Woman #5:

Who work fast-paced

Fa Li:

With good breeding

Woman #5:

And a tiny waist

All:

You'll bring honor to us all.

We all must serve our Emperor

Who guards us from the Huns

A man by bearing arms

A girl by bearing sons

Woman #6:

When we're through,

You can't fail

Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale

How could any fellow say, "No sale"?

You'll bring honor to us all!

Fa Li:

There, you're ready.

Granny Fa:

Not yet! An apple for serenity

A pendant for balance

Beads of jade for beauty

You must proudly show it

Now, add a cricket, just for luck,

And even you can't blow it!

Mulan:

Ancestors, hear my plea,

Please don't let me make a fool of me

And to not uproot my family tree

Keep my father standing tall.

Scarier than the Undertaker,

We are meeting our matchmaker!

Destiny, guard our girls,

Help our future as it fast unfurls

Please look kindly on these cultured pearls

Each a perfect porcelain doll ...

Please bring honor to us

Please bring honor to us

Please bring honor to us

Please bring honor to us

Please bring honor to us all!

Matchmaker:

Fa Mulan?

Mulan:

Present!

Matchmaker:

Speaking without permission ...

Mulan:

Oops ... [They go inside]

Granny Fa:

[to Fa Li] Who spit in her bean curd?

Matchmaker:

Too skinny ... not good for bearing sons.

Crickee hops out of his cage, Mulan frantically tries to put him back in.

Matchmaker:

Recite the Final Admonition.

Mulan:

Mmm-hmm-hmm ... [pulls out a paper fan and spits Crickee out]

Matchmaker:

Well?

Mulan:

Fulfill your duties, calmly and ... [glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly] respectively. Um, reflect before you ... snack. Act! This shall bring you honor and glory. [She fans herself, the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Mulan by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.]

Matchmaker:

This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity [she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak] and refinement. You must also be poised. [Mulan, staring at the Matchmaker, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup.]

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