Multiple Maniacs

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This isn't any cheap X-rated movie

or any fifth-rate porno play

This is the show you want: Lady Divine's

Cavalcade of Perversion.

The sleaziest show on Earth.

Not actors, not paid imposters,

but real actual filth who have

been carefully screened

in order to present to you

the most flagrant violations

of natural law

known to man.

Hey, where the f*** are we anyway?

Timonium, I think.

Are we gonna do that pyramid shot

like we did yesterday?

I hope not.

I can't take that crap again.

Hey, where's my blouse?

These assorted sluts, fags, dykes

and pimps know no bounds!

They have committed acts

against God and nature

that would make any decent

person recoil in disgust.

You want to see them,

and we've got them.

Every possible thing

you can think of.

Come on ladies! Come see

Lady Divine's Cavalcade!

Come see the show.

- Does it cost?

- It's absolutely free.

- Do we have time?

- Yes, but I don't know.

Oh, come on. It's free.

Step right up. This is Lady Divine's

Cavalcade of Perversion.

Do we have time before lunch?

This isn't one of those

sex shows, is it?

You'll see, sir.

Go right on in.

Come on, folks.

It's about to begin.

Lady Divine's

Cavalcade of Perversion.

You can still see

the complete show.

What you'll see inside this tent

will make you literally sick!

We got it all,

and we show it all.

Hurry on in, folks. There's not much

time left to see the complete show.

We've got it all, and

it's all about to be seen.

You will witness the smut session

of a pornographer

and his slut of a girlfriend

as she, in her naked depravity,

exposes her sacred

reproductive organs

to the ever probing eye

of the flash camera.

She must be an addict!

She's a dyke!

Look at those tattoos!

- What's this obsession with pornography?

- Look at her c*nt!

She's probably got the crabs.

I can smell her all the way

over here.

- God, she guzzled that wine.

- What a repulsive body.

No wonder they didn't charge

any money to get in here!

Cheeseburgers!

Only a dollar!

No decent people

would be in this show.

Decent!

She doesn't know what that means.

Cigarettes!

Cheeseburgers!

Come on in, you've got about

three minutes left to catch

"The Puke Eater". He'll lap it

right up for you, he loves it!

Sounds weird.

You're weird! It's sickening.

I'm not going to jail

just to see someone puke.

Yeah, but they got

puke eaters, lesbians,

mental patients and stuff.

You'll see two actual queers

kissing each others

like lovers on the lips.

These are actual queers!

Are they repulsive???

Filthy!

But that one looks masculine!

Yeah, but look at

George Hamilton.

I've known a couple of queers.

In fact,

I think my hairdresser's queer.

They hang in bus stations,

you know.

It's just sick.

See an addicted heroin addict

going through the mental and

physical agony known as

cold turkey!

This particular addict has been

hooked for over eight years

and must constantly lie, rape,

mug, and steal

from hard-working wage earners

in order to satisfy

his neverending crave

for hard narcotics!

Watch, as this

drug-crazed animal

loses all sense of human

dignity and decency!

He will literally become a

maniac before your very eyes.

God, a needle!

That poor soul!

Got any fives?

Got any aces?

Go fish.

You got any jacks?

Ricky! Ricky!

Yes, madame?

Bring me something strong.

Something I can

get off on.

You're not ready yet?

Jesus, you come on

in a few minutes.

Suppose the cops get here?

You can't keep

this set up very long.

Will you stop

badgering me?

My nerves are

already a wreck

without your nagging!

I'm ready.

All I have to do is to

slip into my outfit.

We've done this

enough times

so we don't have to worry

about anything happening.

But the cops! All we need

is one porkchop patrolman

who starts nosing around.

It's gonna be quick...

Oh, f*** the cops!

They never bust anybody

until the show's over

and by then...

Ricky! My medicine!

- Which ones are these?

- Your diet medication, madame.

Thank you Ricky, darling.

Gilbert! Gilbert!

Yes, madame?

Roll me a few joints.

Just relax.

I have to see Mr. David!

I have an audition!

Who is that?

I came like you told me,

to audition...

And you must be Lady Divine.

I've heard so much about you.

Oh, boys. Please remove this slut

from my presence immediately!

How dare you

contaminate my dressing room

with this little

piece of filth?

She is not. She's an autoerotic,

a coprophasiac,

and a gerontophiliac

and I just thought

you might be interested

in her for the show.

Yes, I can start immediately.

I have this great act worked out

with this great old man

in his late seventies.

Well, actually he's my uncle

but we used to have kind

of a thing together

and I heard about this show

and I thought

"What an ideal setup!"

Get her out of here!

Just get her out!

How can you flaunt your cheap

one-night-stands in my face,

especially

at a time like this?

I thought you might be

interested in her for the show.

Well, I'm not!

Get her out before I pull

those hairs out of her head.

You're a fool!

Get out there! It's time for my act!

Hand me my hose!

- What else do you have to do?

- To slip into my outfit.

You misunderstand

everything I do.

I misunderstand nothing.

- We'll talk about it later.

- Yes. MUCH later.

Just a minute!

And now, ladies and gentlemen.

You are going to see something

that will make your eyes pop out!

Because of so-called guardians

of public decency

we are not permitted to describe

to you in any way

the hardcore, live, in-person

monstrosity we have with us tonight.

All I can say is that this sight

won't be easily forgotten.

This sight will be branded

in your mind for ever and ever.

Anything you may have seen earlier

will be a mere warm-up.

You are kindly asked to follow me

into our special display room...

Right this way!

There's no extra charge!

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

I can't say no more.

I give you Lady Divine!

Drop' em boys!

Quiet! Quiet when

I'm speaking!

You will not be injured

as long as everyone cooperates.

Kindly hand over all wallets, jewelry,

handbags, any fur items,

all loose change and any narcotics

you might be carrying.

The first person to give anybody

any sh*t will be immediately eliminated.

- She's sick! We'll never get out of here!

- What did you say?

I said you're sick and repulsive!

And you, my dear, are dead!

I said no sh*t! And I meant it!

- Any dope?

- They don't deserve to live!

- More cheap costume sh*t.

- A box of Norforms!

- Here's some diet pills.

- Two-fifty? Jesus.

- Here's some fake ID for you.

- What ugly children they have!

Wait 'til we get back in the car.

Psst. Mr. David. Mr. David!

What are you doing here?

Trying to get us both killed?

You must be freezing, Ricky

darling. Put some clothes on.

Yes, ma'am.

It's chilly.

Hurry up.

I'm beginning to get upset again.

My nerves are cracking.

I'm getting too old to play this circuit.

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