Mumford Page #2

LILY:

How long you been in this town?

MUMFORD:

Oh, I don't know...

LILY:

Four months, two and a half weeks --

that's how long.

(Mumford gives her a

look)

And you've already got more patients

than those other two shrinks combined.

MUMFORD:

Lily, I don't think even you could

know that --

Lily sees something out the window.

LILY:

Look at that guy...

Mumford turns to look out the window. A young man of about

30, in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt, is skateboarding down the

street at high speed, weaving in and out amongst the cars.

He zips past the front of the restaurant.

LILY:

You know who that is, don't you?

(Mumford does not)

You really don't? That's Skip

Skipperton, man. He gets himself hit

by a truck, this whole town shuts

down.

MUMFORD:

Oh, so that's him? The Panda Man.

LILY hands over Mumford's bagged order, rings it up. Back on

track:

LILY:

So, what makes you so popular? What's

your secret?

MUMFORD:

(takes his bag to go)

You like me. How come?

LILY:

Not sure. Let me think about it.

Mumford is smiling as he goes out. Another Patron, LIONEL

DILLARD, a lawyer, brings his check to Lily, watching Mumford

cross the street. Lily can't stand this guy.

LIONEL:

That's the new psychiatrist?

LILY:

Psychologist. He's not medical.

LIONEL:

Probably thinks he's pretty smart.

Lily gives him a look as she takes his money.

INT. MUMFORD'S OFFICE - DAY

An overweight, teenage girl named NESSA WATKINS is on

Mumford's couch. She fidgets as she talks and can't decide

whether to lie down (so she's looking away from him) or sit

up and face him. She plays with an unlit cigarette and keeps

taking out a lighter, then stuffing it back in her big, sloppy

handbag.

NESSA:

...so he already had the tattoo that

said, "Naomi Forever"... and now

they're broken up, see, and he has

to have it removed. But while the

scar is still healing, or whatever

you call it when you have a tattoo

removed, he meets Chandra. And it's

serious, immediate love. So in no

time, he's gone from the most gorgeous

model in the world to the most

gorgeous actress in North America.

MUMFORD:

What do you mean, "in no time"?

NESSA:

In maybe three or four issues.

MUMFORD:

Weekly or monthly?

NESSA:

Monthly! God, how shallow do you

think Brad is? Why do I waste my

time telling you this stuff?

MUMFORD:

Why do you think you tell me, Nessa?

NESSA:

Don't do that thing...

(Mumford:
what?)

...that shrink thing.

MUMFORD:

It's a big part of the show.

She jams the cigarette in her mouth and flames the lighter,

but is afraid to actually break his rules.

NESSA:

You really need to let people smoke

in here, you know. It's perverse.

What are they paying you to see me?

Mumford indicates "nothing".

NESSA:

The school board doesn't pay you?

What kind of deal is that?

MUMFORD:

It's called pro bono.

NESSA:

Pro boner?

(he waits her out)

Pro bono, huh? For whose good,

supposedly?

MUMFORD:

It's my bit for the community.

NESSA:

F*** the community.

(he won't go for it)

There was this article my friends

and I read. It was "25 Signs He's

Great in Bed". It was very

fascinating.

MUMFORD:

Where was this?

NESSA:

Where?... The New York Times. The

first one was -- "he handles produce

well." Which we already knew!

(an expression she

uses)

The point is, you have a lot of the

signs.

MUMFORD:

You been spying on me in the

supermarket, Nessa?

NESSA:

Have women found you attractive?

Mumford laughs.

NESSA:

I knew you wouldn't answer. I've

been thinking about what you said

last time. How me trying to lose

weight -- and constantly not -- is

like a lot of people with addictions.

How maybe I can't lose the weight,

ever...

(quietly)

Which we already knew...

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