Murder by Death Page #2

Wow! What a creepy guy.

Why would anyone want to hire

a blind butler?

For one thing, very cheap.

How butler know

how much he get paid?

Drink this. You'll feel better.

If Myron hadn't barked,

we'd have missed the statue falling.

It wasn't meant to kill.

It's a warning.

Somebody's trying

to frighten us. Why?

Whatever his reason,

he's doing well.

- Why hasn't anybody answered?

- Don't ring it! Knock, don't ring.

I won't, I promise.

- What is it now, Myron?

- Up there, Dora. Look.

- A blind butler.

- Don't let him park the car, Dickie.

Good evening.

We have been expecting you.

We let ourselves in.

Dick and Dora Charleston.

Good evening.

We have been expecting you.

Your room is ready,

if you'll just follow me, please.

Don't mind him. It's just the cat.

- We left our luggage in the trunk.

- I'll get it later...

...when I park the car.

- Was that Mr. Wang's car out front?

- Yes. They're resting in their room.

I've put you in the same wing

as Mr. Wang.

Isn't that nice?

We're in Wang's wing.

Not many people come

to the manor these days.

It's nice to hear guests again.

- Thanks. You are?

- Bensonmum.

Thank you, Benson.

Bensonmum.

My name is Bensonmum.

- Bensonmum?

- Yes, sir. Jamesir Bensonmum.

- Jamesir?

- Yes, sir.

- Jamesir Bensonmum?

- Yes, sir.

- How odd.

- My father's name, sir.

What was your father's name?

- Howard Bensonmum.

- Howard Bensonmum?

Leave it. I've had enough.

Here we are.

The late Mrs. Twain's room.

She died in here.

- Oh, dear.

- Died of what?

She murdered herself

in her sleep, sir.

- You mean suicide?

- Oh, no.

It was murder, all right.

Mrs. Twain hated herself.

We keep this room locked.

- Why is that?

- Mr. Twain loved her very much.

He's kept her room just as it was

the night she choked herself...

...nine years ago.

Madam loved it here.

She said it was

the cheeriest room in the house.

- The doorbell.

- That was Mrs. Charleston.

- I thought she was here.

- I am.

I will not stay in this filthy room.

Very well, madam.

I'll attend to it during dinner.

- Thank you, Benson, sir.

- Mum!

- What?

- Bensonmum. Ma'am.

Baking flour.

- What?

- This dust is baking flour.

And these cobwebs- Candied sugar.

All placed here for the purpose

of frightening us.

And that mouse-

Obviously a mechanical toy.

- Silly.

- What is?

I am. It's real.

- Stop the car. We're here.

- That's why I stopped.

- Open my door.

- You have chocolate on your face.

The candy bar's on your face.

- Imbecile, that's my moustache!

- Lick it and see.

Wipe it off.

My hands are sticky.

Hold still, please.

Sloppy.

All in good time.

Yes?

Who's there?

Who's there, I say?

Filthy neighbourhood.

Didn't I say "jump"?

"Un, deux, trois, jump."

Why don't you listen?

- Leave me alone.

- Sloppy.

Who are you?

You must be the new kitchen maid.

I hope you can cook.

Answer me. Speak up.

What's that?

I can't hear you.

A little shy, are you?

Never mind.

There will be 10 for dinner.

Here is the menu.

Is that understood?

And dinner will be at 9:00.

When I want you, that bell on the wall

will ring three times.

All right. Get to work.

Operator.

I am saying, "Hello, hello."

- It's dead, sir.

- What?

Who is? Who are you?

The butler, sir.

The butler, eh?

I thought as much.

That phone has been out of order

for the past week, sir.

Is that a fact?

And I say that this wire

has been snipped not one hour ago...

...as you can plainly see.

What is your name?

Your little jest escapes me.

I am Monsieur Milo Perrier.

He was injured

by a falling gargoyle...

...while standing

in Chinese footprints.

We rang, a woman screamed...

...a mouse ran through the door.

As you can plainly see,

I miss nothing.

Since we can't call a doctor...

...I will need a cold compress

and hot chocolate, "n'est-ce pas?"

We don't have "n'est-ce pas," sir.

Just Hershey's.

I'll call the maid.

I'll fetch it for you myself, sir.

In the meantime, if you'll be

good enough to follow me to your room.

Get up. Get up.

There's something about him

I do not trust.

Notice how his eyes

never look at you.

He's blind, monsieur.

Nonsense.

There's the house now.

- What's the matter?

- My feet are killing me.

Why didn't you tell me we needed oil

before I went back for gas?

I gave you $50

and the gas was $5.00.

Maybe you'd come back. Maybe not.

I couldn't risk it.

- Don't you trust me, Sam?

- Trust you?

The last time that I trusted a dame

was in Paris in 1940.

She said she was going to get wine.

Two hours later,

the Germans marched into France.

I'm sorry, Sam.

Sorry nothing.

Give me my change.

Dinner will be at 9:00.

I'll have the maid

bring your chocolate.

- One moment, my good man.

- Sir?

Thank you. That will be all.

He's blind, all right.

Those were my funniest faces.

It's not exactly

the Copacabana, is it?

I don't feel good about this.

Maybe tonight your luck runs out.

Maybe so. There's a number

on the wall for all of us.

If tonight's the night

they pick mine, so be it.

After you, sweetheart.

- First, kiss me, Sam.

- I don't kiss.

Just this once, Sam.

I don't like kissing.

Now leave me alone.

My God!

- He's dead!

- I beg your pardon?

Sam Diamond is lying out there.

He's been crushed to death.

I'm going to faint.

Catch me.

Madam. Madam, where are you?

Hold it right there.

Freeze, blinky!

Get your hands up.

Turn your face to the wall.

All right, angel.

You can get up now.

Turn around, Jeeves.

Your concrete Christmas present came

two seconds early, no thanks to you.

I apologize for

any unfortunate mishap, sir.

- May I put my hands down?

- Don't test your luck, Shakespeare.

I got your invitation to dinner...

...but I didn't realize

I'd be the main course.

I had a kid brother

who got it the same way...

...working on a case like this

two years ago.

That boy would've been 63

on Tuesday.

For two cents, I'd take this-

Get him away from me! Get him away.

Get him away before I stuff him

like a tiger trophy...

...his limey pals

like to hang up on saloon walls.

Please.

He has a dreadful temper,

hasn't he?

9:
00, time for dinner.

Is everything ready?

I don't smell anything.

Very light on the seasoning,

are you?

Put the soup in a tureen

and keep the squabs on low.

I'll serve cocktails.

When you hear the bell,

bring out the chilled asparagus...

...and turn up the flame

on the squabs.

Have you got that?

You didn't tell me how I look.

No different than always-

Ravishing.

- Do you love and adore me?

- I love and adore you.

- You have the best tush in high society.

- Years of horseback riding.

Getting to bottom of things?

- Ah, Wang. You remember-

- Of course.

- Nice to see you, Ah Wang.

- Always a pleasure.

What a beautiful gown.

Tell me where you got it.

This? This an old dress.

Had it for years.

Please to meet adopted son, Willie.

East meets West

in a most bizarre setting.

I didn't know you were invited.

Rate this script:2.2 / 6 votes