Murder by Death Page #5

- Yes.

This entire murder

has been catered.

It's Twain's doing.

The man is mad.

Mad, yes, but no fool.

I only hope we are in time.

Door locked.

Diamond probably locked

it from the inside.

Good thinking on Diamond head.

Diamond, it's Perrier.

It's all right. Open up.

Diamond? Charleston?

Are you in there?

Go back to kitchen, get dining

room key from pocket of dead butler.

Don't say "dead butler." It's bad

enough I have to reach in his pocket.

Holy merde.

Miss Skeffington!

Miss Skeffington!

Miss Withers!

- He's gone.

- Who?

The butler's body is missing.

Here's the key.

- Where you find key?

- In his pocket.

- What pocket?

- The butler's.

- Butler gone, but pocket there?

- Exactly.

Someone stole him

but left his clothes.

Open the door.

Something is very wrong here.

Hello. Where is everyone?

Room filled with empty people.

I'll try the other door.

It's locked from the inside.

Both doors locked

from inside, yet no way out.

I don't like it one bit.

I like it,

but don't understand.

Maybe other way out of room,

secret passageway perhaps.

Wrong. There are no

secret passageways, Mr. Wang.

- You spoke?

- Not me.

I spoke.

There! Voice come from cow

on wall!

Moose! Moose, you imbecile!

What have you done

with the others, you short madman?

Stumped already.

Need some clues, Mr. Perrier?

I need no clues from you. I find my

own, you demented lollipop!

Man who argue with cow

is like train without wheels.

- Soon get nowhere.

- I'm sick of fortunes!

- Man who's sick of fortune-

- I said I was sick of this!

- Quiet, gentlemen, please!

- Cow talk again.

In need of a hint, Miss Marbles?

"You all mistake what you assume

"They never left the dining room"

"Count the numbers one to 10"

"Turn the knob and try again"

What does that mean,

they never left the room?!

- They did.

- Do not mistake what you assume.

- Back out in hall.

- What for?

We assume others not here,

but cow say they are in dining room.

Let us look once more.

Please close door, Mr. Perrier.

- I can't see what good-

- Quiet.

Seven, eight, nine, 10.

Miss Marbles, be so kind

as to open door.

Where were you?

We was worried.

Where were you?

Here. Didn't you say not to leave?

- You have not left this room since?

- Certainly not.

Answer simple...

...but question very hard.

- Where's the butler?

- Completely murdered.

Poisoned. One of

the butcher's knives is missing.

We came back here,

but the doors were locked.

I went to get the key from the butler.

His body was gone.

He'd been stripped

and his clothes left.

I don't understand. Why would anyone

want to steal a dead, naked body?

Well, dear,

there are people who-

That's tacky. That's really tacky.

Then we returned here...

...opened the door,

but the room was empty.

You were all gone.

The moose had told us not to assume

that you'd left the dining room.

So we counted to 10

and tried it again.

And here you were.

I'm not one to use hyperbole,

but I'll tell you this.

For the first time in my life,

I had the ca-ca scared out of me.

I like her.

I really like her.

- Gunshots, monsieur.

- Gunshots, Pop.

Gunshots, Dickie.

This time Charleston and I will go.

Everybody else stay here. Let's go.

What do you make

of all of this, Wang?

Is confusing.

"It"! "It" is confusing!

Say your goddamn pronouns!

Open the door.

- Good God!

- What is it?

He's back.

And au naturel.

I don't get it. First they steal

the body and leave the clothes.

Then they steal the clothes

and bring the body back.

- Who would do that?

- Possibly a deranged dry cleaner.

What about the gunshots?

Why shoot him

when he's been poisoned?

We heard shots, but I don't see bullet

holes. Not on his head or chest.

- Look all over him.

- All over his body?

Somebody has to.

I'm standing guard.

I'll stand guard. You look.

We'll take turns.

You look over the first dead

naked body, I'll look over the second.

Hurry up.

We only got eight minutes.

See anything?

No, I don't see

a bullet hole anywhere.

- Hold it. I see something.

- What is it?

Forget it.

Not a bullet hole.

If he wasn't plugged,

what about the shots?

- Divide and conquer.

- What?

Another diversion.

He gives us meaningless clues,

dangles red herrings...

...bedazzles us with banalities...

...while seconds tick away

towards the terrible murder.

You're good. Not my kind of cop,

but smart, and you smell good.

You're not a pansy,

but what the hell are you?

Classy, I suppose.

- Dames fall for a guy like you.

- I don't see-

Ever make it with a waitress?

A waitress.

Big, fat waitress.

I don't know about society dames...

...but you ain't had it till you

made it with a big waitress.

If you're ever interested,

you give me a call.

Bizarre little twit.

I'm still not sure about this guy.

- What are you doing?

- I have to wash-

I'll be out in a minute.

I'll go ahead.

I'll tell the others.

You're never gonna

believe this, folks.

All right, where are you?

What the hell is going on here?

Wash up later.

We got problems.

Locked from the inside.

That can only mean one thing...

...and I don't know what it is.

You're never gonna believe-

I'll be out in a minute.

I don't remember

closing that door.

What happened?

What were the gunshots?

Did anybody leave

since we were gone?

- It happened to you too.

- Where's my Dickie?

Sorry. Where's my husband?

Two minutes to midnight,

if anyone is interested.

It ain't possible, I say.

Eight people in a dining room

can't turn into an empty room unless-

- Unless what, Sam?

- Unless it never happened.

I see your point, Diamond.

When is a room with people

not a room with people?

- When it is two dining rooms.

- Exactly!

Two dining rooms?

Two dining rooms, two everything.

Twain electronic genius.

He's devised

a way to move the room...

...silently, in the flash of an eye...

...to be replaced by

an exact duplicate.

- I knew it all the time.

- Please.

I'll demonstrate.

I'll walk out the door...

...close it, knock three times, enter,

and you will all be gone. Observe.

I have it figured out.

There are two of everything.

Dickie, that's old news.

Everybody take their seats.

- I'm scared, Sam. Hold me.

- Hold yourself. I'm busy.

Take the same seats

from before.

Forty seconds!

I'm very worried about Mr. Perrier.

I'll look for him.

No. Sit, please.

No one to leave room.

The other door.

It's locked. I can't open it.

Hurry, man!

We have 15 seconds!

Move your hand, chauffeur.

Don't ask.

- Why are you wearing the butler's outfit?

- I said don't ask! I don't know.

It all happened too quickly.

The cook.

Where's the cook?

- She's gone.

- Never spoke.

Ten more seconds.

Quickly, sit and join hands.

Impossible for murder

to happen without witnesses.

Three... two... one!

It's over.

We're safe and sound.

That's probably the cook.

Come in.

The poor woman's deaf.

I'm sorry. I forgot.

Come in!

Not sound like cook to me.

Rate this script:2.4 / 5 votes