Must Love Dogs Page #9

But she's everything to me.

- Were you surprised that I called? | - Little bit.

But happy.

Well, I figured what the hell.

It's time to take control of my life. | New Sarah.

- I liked the old Sarah, you know. | - New and improved.

- Good morning. | - Hi.

Hi.

- What time is it? | - It's a little after 9.

Damn.

Do you mind if we take that and go? | I don't wanna run into traffic.

- Oh, it's Sunday. | - Yeah, I got a game today.

- You gonna eat that? | - No. Here.

Thank you.

You did sleep with June, didn't you?

Does it matter? Really?

It's just that you told me | nothing happened.

I knew we'd be great together, I didn't | want anything to get in the way of that.

And we were.

Yeah.

That was fun. Thanks a lot. | I'll call you.

- You mad at me? | - No, I'm not mad at you.

- Good, I was afraid something had... | - I'm mad at myself for trusting you.

For not listening | to that voice that said:

"He is a shallow, self-centered bastard." | Which is what you are, you stupidhead!

Maybe I have been teaching preschool | too long, but you took advantage of me.

You knew how vulnerable I was. | I was the weak impala of the herd.

And you pounced on that with that whole | sensitive dad-of-the-year act.

And, "We're adopting a puppy."

And the fake professor thing | with these fake glasses.

These aren't even real, | are they?

Sorry.

I just hate guys like you. | I hate guys like you!

But this is a good look for you, Sarah.

You've gone beyond pajamas | and are now wearing the bed.

Oh, God. I just went after | the wrong guy again. Like always.

I slept with a man | who's not my husband.

I'm promiscuous.

We should redo your profile | and put that in it.

Oh, God. I'm a complete | and total love failure.

- Oh, no. | - Stop it, it's not that funny.

Stop laughing.

What about that cute guy I met? | Condom man.

- Yes, that's how he likes to be known. | - Condom man?

- Sounds like a superhero. | - I can't.

He hates me. And I don't blame him.

No, I had my chance with him, | and I blew it.

Let's go watch "Beaches".

Oh, my God.

When they remake this, they gotta | add a happy ending and nudity.

They won't remake it. Nobody wants | to watch this kind of yearning nowadays.

It's too painful.

- Modern man can't take it. | - This has gotta end.

There's a world beyond "Zhivago"- land.

Forget about the dog-park girl | and live again.

You think your friend still wants | to buy my boat?

Let him chop it up, | stick it on his wall.

- Call him. | - Seriously?

Tell him to come by the boat basin | this weekend. I'll row it down myself.

And call some of those insane, | pansexual girls you're so fond of.

I want a date every day | until Christmas.

- Where have you been all my life? | - Waiting for you.

You are absolutely perfect. | You know that, don't you?

I do. But it's still nice to hear.

Hello, hello. Hi.

Look at you, cute jammies.

Already in them, a little early for that. | Come on, have a seat.

Eric, come on.

All right. Now...

...Eric and I are here to cheer you up, | and we have many options.

I'm ready.

First, there's line dancing at the Grove. | Very Southwest, mid-'80s.

- Too gay. | - Or...

...we can use these | teacher gift certificates...

...for midnight manicures. | - Perfect. Can we do that?

- That's not too gay? | - No.

He keeps the mystery alive, | doesn't he?

What color?

White. Caucasian.

What color nail? After wax.

- I don't know. What do you think? | - Your nail, not mine.

The light pink one. Yeah.

Not much love life, huh?

Not getting younger.

Did you hear that?

What is that? Why do I always get | the surly manicurist?

I don't know. Does a good job, right?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I'll be right back.

Jake!

- Jake! | - Sarah.

- Jake! Hi. | - Hi.

This is so weird, because I've been | thinking about you so much.

Nice to see you. Oh, you're all... | You look like...

I keep thinking about you.

What do they call those? | Pot sticker, with the potholders.

Hi. I'm ready, Jake. | Sorry I took so long.

Hi. I'm Sherry.

- Hi. | - This is Sarah.

- We just saw "Doctor Zhivago" at the Grand. | - Yeah.

- "Doctor Zhivago". | - It's Jake's favorite movie.

- I didn't get it. | - Oh, I've seen it like 20 times.

- Really? | - Really?

- Yeah. | - Why? It's so depressing.

Everybody's freezing their asses off.

- They're Communists, right? | - Yeah.

I guess I keep hoping that one time, | Lara and Yuri will get together again.

In the springtime, preferably. | And wear shorts.

Okay, but they can't, | because it's just a movie.

- It's a book too. | - Yeah, that's cruel.

Yeah.

Anyway...

Thanks for bringing that up.

Okay, I have to go get de-waxed.

Sarah, it was really nice | seeing you again.

- Nice to meet you. | - Nice to meet you.

Not again.

Yes. Thank...

Yeah. Bye.

- Do you want to be Russians tonight? | - Let's go.

Well, Sherry, I think I'm gonna say | good night.

- You're not coming in? | - No, I'm kind of tired.

- I'm gonna go home. | - Aren't we gonna do the Russian thing?

That's Russian for "no."

- Was it something that I did...? | - No, no, no. I'm just really tired.

- Tired. Yeah, it was a long movie. | - Really long.

Bye.

It seemed like it | was gonna be so perfect.

You chase him down the street, | he turns, he sees you...

...he takes you in his arms, | fireworks explode.

It's happily ever after.

You're leaving out the part | where he was with another woman.

I say you call him.

Or better yet, go over there, break into | his house, throw yourself at him...

...make a complete fool of yourself. | It worked for me.

- It was very effective. | - No, he's with someone else.

I have to face it, it's just not | gonna work out with us.

And you'd really like it to, | wouldn't you?

I can't take this. | This is breaking my heart.

Mine too. | But let's look on the bright side.

- Your nails look fabulous. | - They do.

They look so good. Let me see those.

- Look at these hands. | - Thank you, guys.

Turn around, this is your favorite part.

She's wearing that hat you like.

That's my side, thank you very much.

Mother Teresa.

I love you too.

You like her?

- She's a handsome boat. | - Yeah.

Reminds one of the longboats | they would run...

...out of the sweet harbor at Bantry Bay.

Actually, I designed this one based | on a Portuguese boat.

But historically, you're correct, yeah.

- You built this boat yourself? | - Yes, sir.

- You build boats? | - No, no.

Truth be told, I don't know | the first thing about them.

- But I do appreciate a work of art. | - Well, thank you, sir.

I'm about to sell this work of art to a guy | who's gonna cut it in half...

...and stick it on his wall. | - Oh, no.

Yeah. I'm about to take her out for a last | paddle before I meet the butcher at noon.

Why would you do a thing like that?

It's a long story. Something about | the violation of expectations...

...and a crushing loss of faith | in love and life and art.

- So it's a girl. | - Yes.

I've had a little girl trouble | myself lately.

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