My Blind Brother Page #2

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Nobody should go out with me.

Well, we don't have to go out.

We could just lie in

the boat and watch TV.

I can't.

How come?

You going to Africa to play

soccer the baby elephants?

Yeah, it's not a joke.

This isn't where I'm

supposed to be this morning.

And I am going to

dedicate myself to that.

I'm going to do good

things for other people.

You could help me.

Why, what's wrong with you?

Everything.

I mean, my life is kind of sh*t.

All right, well thank you.

And, or, I'm sorry.

Uh, really nice to meet you.

You do want to go

on the... oh, my god.

Hello.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Get off.

Did I just hear somebody leave?

Did I?

Oh, what's going on, Billy?

Did Billy finally have some sex?

Huh?

Did he?

Tell me what's going

on, little Billy.

You're squashing me.

Oh my god, are you in love?

You're in love!

Who was she?

Some girl I met at the bar.

It doesn't matter.

I'm not going to see her again.

Why?

Was she gross?

She wouldn't give

me her phone number.

Oh, oh sh*t.

I'm sorry, man.

Well, it's probably not

the girl of your dreams

if she spent the night

on the first night.

You can do better, OK?

It's going to be OK.

Sh, little Billy,

it's going to be OK.

I thought after

your race thingy,

we go back to you

doing early mornings.

Yeah, well it turns out that

I'm going to continue to have

to train early mornings.

How come you get to choose?

Because I'm the manager

and I make the schedule.

Oh, it is so hard being

a white American man.

My heart, it bleeds for you.

Why aren't you getting in?

Because I'm not swimming.

Why not?

It's a swimming pool, nothing

bad's going to happen.

They have lifeguards.

Actually, they don't

life guards here.

But that's not the point.

The point is that I

don't want to do it.

So what if I get into

trouble when I'm out there,

all alone on the empty seas?

I'll throw you

a life preserver.

Or you can get someone

else to row for you.

Or you could just not

do the swim at all.

I'll swim next to you, baby.

I'm not doing the swim.

Oh.

OK, never mind.

I thought it'd be fun.

Sorry, I'll just

be two minutes.

Oh, no.

It's OK.

You don't have to come.

What's that now?

I met a girl.

She wants to help me train.

Really?

That's great.

Who is she?

New volunteer at the center,

says she's desperate to help.

Desperate, wow, sexy.

How do I look?

Beautiful, baby.

Thanks, baby.

See you later.

Have fun.

I will.

OK, the way this is going to

work is you follow my pace.

You're basically my eyes.

You don't pull on my arm.

You don't suddenly

change direction.

You just guide.

Right, so I'm like

a very important dog.

That's right, you're

a very important dog.

Thank you.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

OK, let's go.

OK.

How's this?

It's too fast for you?

No, it's good.

OK, good, because it's getting

a lot faster here coming up.

It is?

Oh.

Sorry.

Sorry.

OK, OK.

That's fine.

That's fine.

It's just all the

accolades and trophies

and all that stuff

just doesn't really

end up meaning all that

much at the end of the day.

I mean, I appreciate it.

And it's nice to

walk around and have

everyone know who

I am and stuff,

but it's not that

important to me.

You know?

Right.

I'm spreading the word

about taking care yourself.

I mean, I've been training

on and off for a few years

and so I'm in pretty good shape.

Yeah, you look it.

I just... I just like it.

Just seeing what a difference

it makes to all the kids

makes everything

worthwhile, you know?

Yeah, I think

that's really sweet.

Oh, Rob.

Sorry, did you not

want me to do that?

I'm... you were

touching my hand.

No, I... I know.

You had something

in your sleeve.

Right.

OK, that... it's not

embarrassing at all.

No, it isn't.

Sorry.

This is definitely my fault.

Well, it's not your fault.

Listen, if I was in

a different place,

you would be really

the kind of person

that I would be

lucky to go out with.

You really don't need

to say anything, Rose.

It's fine.

OK?

I get it.

I think that what you do,

all of your charity work

is really beautiful and amazing.

Seriously, I'm

actually sighted.

And I just do this

whole blind thing

because clearly it's this

total turn on for the girls.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

OK.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologize.

I enjoyed that very much.

Do you want to try it again

now that I'm prepared?

Yeah, sure.

Hi.

How was blindy?

Fine.

He kissed me.

He what?

How did that happen?

He kissed me and then I said,

I don't feel that way about you.

And then he just, like,

looked really sad.

Oh, sh*t.

Yeah, so I kissed him.

Because you didn't

want him to look so sad.

He's incredibly nice and he

does a lot of charity stuff.

You know he's not

going to die, right?

If you say, look, I

don't want to kiss you,

his head is not

going to explode.

You're not that important.

Yeah, I do know that.

But I'm also taking an

interesting new look

where I think this could

be really cool opportunity

for me to help somebody.

Uh huh, because to me that

sounds like a pity f***.

No.

If that's what it

is, we could get

some homeless guys up in here,

really take care of them.

Maybe Robbie is the

greatest guy ever

and I just don't know

it because I'm horrible.

So you're attracted to him?

No.

But Fred is dead because I

did not like his nipples.

That's why he's deceased.

Which makes me feel like

everything about me is wrong.

So I need to change and

therefore I'm not dumping him.

And that's that.

This is interesting.

So what are you going to say?

I'll say hello if she's

hot and hi if she's not.

OK, but seriously, if she's a

pig, you have to tell me, OK?

If she's a pig,

I'll shout, pig.

OK, great.

That's an excellent plan.

All right.

Did you dye your hair?

No.

Because it looks

kind of sun kissed.

Did you just say sun kissed?

Yeah, like the sun knelt down

and planted a sweet little kiss

on your melon.

Maybe it knelt down

and jizzed on my melon.

I'm pretty sure, in

that case, the term

would be that your

hair looks sun jizzed.

Is that the kind of relationship

you have with the sun?

No, no.

Learn something

new every day, huh?

Hello.

Billy, are you

going to say hello?

Or hi?

We actually have met before.

What? No way.

That's crazy.

How do you guys know each other?

Socially.

We know each other socially.

Nice to see you again, Rose.

Nice to see you again as well.

Well, this is awesome.

You know, Bill's my

right hand man so it's

essential you guys get along.

Hi.

Hi.

You look very pretty today.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, OK.

Yeah.

I'm sure you do.

I'm sure you do.

See you later, Bill.

Don't wait up.

You awake?

Yeah.

What happened to you?

You didn't say anything.

Is she's hot or is she a pig?

She's nice looking.

Just nice?

She's good looking.

You're not just saying that

so I'll go out with her?

No.

OK, sorry, go back to sleep.

Can you close the door?

Why are you asleep...

it's like 9:
00.

I'm the devil.

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