My Cousin Vinny

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EXT. ALABAMAB ACKR OAD- DAY

It's a sunny, winter day on a paved country in south/western

Alabama. In the distance, peaking over a loping hill we see

faded metallic green, 1964 Buick Skylark with a white

convertible top and New York plates. As it approaches, we see

two young men in the car, both with dark hair and sunglasses

They look cool

CLOSE SHOT - RADIO

A hand turns the dial in search of something contemporary -finding

nothing but country music ••

RADIO:

(singing)

If you can't live without me, then

why aren't you dead ••• ?

••• and local ads with southern accents, farm reports,

evangelists, gospel singers, and a woman with marital problems

seeks guidance from a radio preacher

ON THE ROAD:

The two-lane paved country road passes through huge fields of

cotton plants - little shrubs with little, fluffy tufts of

white. On the side of the road, every 100 yards or so, we see

8' X 8' X 20' trussed-up, squared-off bales of cotton covered

with plastic tarps - waiting to be picked up and trucked off

Up ahead they approach a long bed truck filled with logs on the

way to a sawmill -- this is also lumber country. They overtake

the truck

They also pass a lot of things you see in the deep south that

you don't see up north -- little, ramshackle fruit stands with

weather-beaten signs saying "We accept food stamps," crude

hand-lettered signs offering Vidalia onions, pecans, propane,

bull• for sale, a cattle crossing sign -- a black silhouette of

a cow on a round yellow background with a black border, grain

silo• -- big and small

INT. CAR BACK SEAT

A Rolling Stone magazine, a People magazine, and a variety of

textbooks:
The Rhetoric of No, Introduction to Physics,

Introduction to Political Science, and a WELCOMTEO UCL

pamphlet -- these are college kids. Also in the back seat is old (broken) "ghetto blaster" with a tape coming out of it, som,

empty soda cans, junk food wrappers, empty Sterno cans, an empt·

cooler, a map to the south (and a line drawn for the route),

a variety of socks, sweaters, etc. etc

FRONT SEAT:

Driving the car is BILL GAMBINO, 21, Italian-American descent,

from New York, optimistic and carefree. The passenger is STAN

ROTHSTEIN, also 21, Jewish, pessimistic, analytical and precise

They're bright, college kids in need of a shower and a shave,

but they could be confused for derelicts

J(3 EXT. OFF THE ROAD- WOODS- STAN AND BILL - NIGHT

"Camped. out." Bill's heating up a can of "beans and franks"

over a can of Sterno

LATER THAT NIGHT

Tucked into sleeping bags. WE HEAR BUGS IN THE AIR. Stan slaps

at the bugs. Bill is fast asleep. TITLES END

v( 4 EXT. SAC-O-SUDS CONVENIENCEST ORE - MORNING

Like a 7-11. Stan and Bill drive up, park and enter

INT. SAC-O-SUDS - CAMERAP ANS OVER BEANS

CAMERAP ULLS BACKT O REVEAL,Bill and Stan in the canned

vegetable section, looking over the beans. They're holding cans

of beans, Sterno, tortillas -- anything cheap, all cradled in

one arm, using their free hands to pick things off the shelves

STAN:

(points)

Here's some for 37 cents

BILL:

(looking harder)

Here's some for

STAN:

(victorious)

They look more

BILL:

I think that's it

STAN:

(still looking,

disappointed)

Don't they have generics?

STAN:

I think this is their generic

BILL:

(points, 31 cent can)

I've never heard of this brand

(points, 32 cent can)

••. maybe we should get this

one ... maybe it's worth the penny

STAN:

(grabs 31 cent can)

Nah •.. you're paying for

advertising

3"

They walk down the aisle, balancing the precarious 'load of cans

BILL:

(sees something that

catches his eye)

Tuna. Should we get tuna?

STAN:

(complaining)

Oh God, please -- no more tunBILL

It's got protein. We need

protein

STAN:

(moving on)

Beans have protein

BILL:

Beans make you fart

STAN:

We got a convertible

BILL:

I'm gettin' it for myself

He reaches for it, almost dropping what he has - and there's

little room for more. So he puts the can in his jacket pocket

MICROWAV-E Stan is heating up a burrito

The COUNTERMAN/CASHIEisR a wiry, unfriendly guy. He serves

Bill a slush drink -- about two thirds full, then adds up the

grocery tab

(CONTINUED)

y

CASHIER:

,1,and one burrito and one large

slush,

(punches up total)

$

BILL:

Can you fill this up?

The cashier looks at the drink, he sighs, then fills it back up

and gives it back to Bill without comment. The Cashier then

puts the groceries into a brown paper bag as Stan and Bill dig

in their pockets

EXT, SAC-O-SUDS

Stan and Bill exit, get in their car and leave. Bill drives

Nearby are row houses - small, box-like houses with severely

peeling paint on dusty-gray, old bare wood, meager-looking

porches, windows covered with rusted screens and sagging, rusty

metal roofs

INT, BUICK - BILL AND STAN - 20 MINUTES I.ATER

Driving along. Bill remembers about the tuna in his pocket. He

reaches into his POCKET•• • and pulls out the can of tuna. He

motions for Stan to look,

BILL:

Look. I.,.forgot to pay for it

STAN:

(thinks)

You could've gotten caught

(beat)

What if someone saw?

Bill shakes his head at the thought. It was a dumb thing

STAN:

The laws are medieval down here

You know what the minimum age for

execution is in Alabama?

BILL:

16?

STAN:

TEN:

Bill can't believe it. He glances in the mirror

I:

\

REAR-VIEW MIRROR - There's a cop behind them

BILL:

There's a cop behind us

STAN:

A cop?

BILL:

There's nothing to worry about

STAN:

There might be

BILL:

There's nothfrig to worry about

until there's something to worry

about

STAN:

(beat)

What's he doing now?

BILL:

(glances in rear-view)

Nothing

STAN:

'Nothing' -- he's still following

us, isn't he?

BILL:

He's not following us -- he's just

behind us

STAN:

(beat, BEAT, BEAT)

Is he •still there?-

BILL:

(glances up again)

Yeah,

STAN:

(deeply distressed)

Goddammit

BILL:

Calm down. There's a cop behind

us, that's all. Nothing's wrong

There's no problem

(more)

(CONTINUED)

...,, -

7 CONTINUED:
( 2)

BILL (Cont'd)

(glances in rear-view

mirror, his heart

sinks)

Uh oh

STAN:

(terrified)

What?! What 'uh oh'? What?

What?

BILL:

His light's on

Stan ig:
crushed. He slams the dashboard with his fist

STAN:

F***! F***! Goddammit!

Goddammit! What're we going to

do?

BILL:

(pulls car over)

It's probably nothing

taillight or something, don't

worry

STAN:

We don't have money for bail!

BILL:

. (amused by Stan's

worrying)

We don't .!l!!.!! money for bail;

nothing's happened

STAN:

Nothing? You're getting pulled

over aren't you? You stole

something, didn't you?

(doomed)

We're f***ed,

(Bill keeps his eye on

the mirror)

MIRROR - The Sheriff's car door opens

Stan looks at Bill for comment

BILL:

Here he comes

--~--·-----------------------------~,,__---=-,... . The DEPUTY hides behind the door

y

DEPUTY fl

SHOW ME YOUR HANDS

Stan and Bill exchange dumbfounded looks. They put their hands

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