My Dog Tulip Page #3

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about me going

into your room...

when you're not in there.

I should, of course, say

how grateful I was to Nancy,

in spite of everything.

I could not imagine anyone

filling this role better.

But that role was not quite

the one Nancy had envisaged

when she came to live with us.

She saw herself

as a member of the household.

Nancy:

Joe?

I saw her

as a dependable kennel maid.

While I was at the office,

Nancy attempted to seduce Tulip

away from me,

and I thought,

at one awful moment,

that she had almost succeeded.

I awoke in a panic to find

that Tulip was not asleep

in her usual chair in our room,

and the dreadful thought

struck me

that she had decided

to spend the night with Nancy.

The idea that

she could have rejected me

in favor of my sister

was almost too much to bear,

and I sank back into my pillow,

thinking that our life

of companionship was over

and that I was once more alone

in the world.

And then I heard

a faint, familiar noise...

the soft, melancholy noise

that Tulip makes

when she's unhappy.

She had been lured

into my sister's room

and kept there against her will,

and she immediately followed me

back to my own room.

She remained

what she always was...

my dog.

I should never have doubted her.

But now that I had been

proved wrong,

I was able to fall contentedly

into a deep and restful sleep.

I was not to have any rest

from Nancy, however.

Having failed

to win Tulip over to her side,

she was prepared to carry on

this battle to the end,

however gory that might be.

Nancy had, of course,

relied upon my inability

to stand by and watch her being

savaged without intervening.

She must therefore have taken

a quiet satisfaction

in seeing me beat off my dog,

even though every blow

fell unwillingly.

Tulip! Down!

Stop this nonsense, Tulip!

Tulip!

Down! Stay, Tulip!

I hardly remember for how long

these two formidable females

tussled for my custody.

It was certainly

more than a year.

And it was rather...

...distracting.

Alas, very few of my friends

ask me to stay with them

anymore.

Those who have no pets

of their own

are a little forgetful

about inviting Tulip...

twice.

People seem to take exception

to being assaulted

whenever they cross their legs

in their own sitting rooms.

One of the last hosts to invite

us down to his country home

was a captain pugh,

who had served with me in france

in the 1914 war.

I had seen nothing of him

for a great many years,

and then he suddenly

turned up again.

He said he was farming in kent

and gave me orders

to come down and stay.

He agreeably added Tulip

to the invitation,

and so we traveled down into

kent together that very month.

Actually, I remembered

very little about my host,

except that he had been

an officer

who had managed to combine

great courage and efficiency

with a marked habit

of indolence.

Uh, whenever, for instance,

he had wanted

his servant or his orderly,

it had been his custom

to fire his revolver

one shot for the servant,

two for the orderly

to save himself

the exertion of shouting.

Strange fellow, what.

An odd figure...

and, as I was to discover,

set in his ways.

His whims were, indeed, to

contribute to the misfortunes

that befell us beneath his roof.

Pugh:
Now, I hope

Tulip won't go after them.

They're laying rather well

at present.

I hoped not, too.

He may have been hinting that

I should put Tulip on a lead,

but how can one gauge

the intelligence of one's animal

if one never affords it

the chance to display any?

Tulip!

I was too late.

I apologized profusely,

but it turned out to be

not at all an important cat.

It can stay there now.

I'll have someone let it out

before night falls.

I permitted myself to be...

yes.

I permitted myself

to be amused.

Little did I think

that this cat was to take

his revenge upon us later.

Captain pugh's idleness

had only gained ground.

The problem

that troubled him the most

appeared to be whether,

for an hour or more both

before and after every meal,

it would be more rewarding

to nap on a sofa

or to undress and return to bed.

Every room, including

the bathroom and kitchen,

were furnished with a sofa.

In those rare moments

he was on his feet...

attention!

...pugh would stalk

about his farm building

shouting commands

in military fashion,

and causing great consternation

among the cows.

All right, now!

Quick! March!

Come along, then!

Come along, there!

Step lively!

Come on, then!

All right, you cows!

Stand at ease!

He then retired for the night

up the wide wooden staircase

with its low treads

to reduce leg strain.

Pugh paused to observe

that he was a light sleeper

and therefore hoped

that Tulip was a sound one.

So as to wake up

like a giant refreshed.

I had been allotted

the bedroom joining his.

And besides the bed

it contained,

I was glad,

though not surprised,

to find a comfortable sofa...

for Tulip.

In fact,

Tulip is a very quiet sleeper,

although she will usually

pay me one visit in the night

and put her nose

against my face.

Perhaps I cry out in my dreams,

or do not,

a-and she wishes to reassure

herself that I am not dead.

It was therefore

well-precedented

when she wakened me

at about 2:
00 a.m.

I petted her and turned away.

She pulled at me

in an urgent kind of way.

What could she want?

Ah! So that was it.

She left me then,

but she did not go to her sofa.

Don't be tiresome, Tulip!

Go back to bed!

We'll visit the cat

in the morning.

Silence.

Then I heard...

...plop...

...plop...

...plop.

I fumbled for my matches.

Tulip was coming to me

from the other side of the room,

wagging her tail and gazing

at me with soft, glowing eyes

as she kissed my cheek.

Avoiding all the rugs,

she had laid her mess

on the linoleum

and as far from me

as she could get,

against pugh's

communicating door.

And, indeed,

she couldn't have helped it.

I saw at once,

when I got out of bed to look,

she couldn't have retained that

for a moment longer.

Pugh:

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Tulip!

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

Shh! Shh!

She had used every device

that lay in her power

to tell me something,

and I had not understood.

Alas, for the gulf

that separates man and beast.

Did she lose some confidence

in me at that moment?

I have often sadly wondered.

Poor pugh.

It was not, I fear, with

the look of a giant refreshed

that he appeared

at the breakfast table later.

He said kindly

that it was of no consequence.

But it was.

The norton was waiting

in the yard,

its engine

snickering impatiently.

Tulip was never asked again.

But here the story

finds a happy ending.

If I did forfeit any of Tulip's

confidence at that period,

I have reason to believe

that I had recovered it later,

as we shall soon see.

Dogs read the world

through their noses

and write their history

in urine.

Tulip is particularly

instructive

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