My Other Mother

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All right, let's clear here.

Here we go.

Five, four, three, two...

It's "America this morning."

I'm Jay, this is my girl, Candy.

And, of course, everybody knows

I'm an animal lover.

- Yes, we know that, Jay.

That's because you're an animal.

- Well, you're exactly right.

But, actually, i heard about

this town in Florida where

they're having a dog marathon.

- You're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

- All right, so that's 26.2 miles of loud,

dog barking and

dog fighting, and who exactly is

gonna clean up the poop

after this is all said and done?

Certainly not me.

But, listen, it's for charity,

though.

It's a good thing.

- Oh, really?

What charity would that be,

the dumb ideas foundation?

Folks, my girl Candy,

i mean, she's a cat-lover.

She's a hater, Ok?

- Oh, I'm a hater, am I?

Yes, you are.

- All right, well, viewers,

we'd love to hear what you

think about this brilliant idea.

So, please, e-mail us, tweet us,

and we will weigh in this subject

at the end of the show.

Coming up next, we have a

brilliant wholistic doctor who

says that he has proof

that a rare mushroom can

cure cancer.

We'll be right back.

And we're clear.

- Can someone please explain to me,

why this is freezing?!

Jay?

Yes?

- After eight years of working together,

why would you refer to

me as a cat-person,

when you know i can't stand

animals of any kind?

It was for the segment, Ok?

You gonna be Ok?

Well, i just think it's a big

deal to falsely represent someone.

Here we go.

You know what?

In the future, would you please

just refrain from referring to

me as a dog-person or a cat-Person,

or even a goldfish-Person,

because that's not who I am.

- All right, whatever.

Are you gonna get over it, though?

Yes, I'm fine.

Where's my coffee?!

Can somebody get her some

coffee, please?

Thank you.

- That's right there.

Oh, boy.

- All right, folks,

here we go.

We're back in five, four, three,

two...

- It doesn't make any sense.

Welcome back to

"America this morning."

Our next guest...

- We've confirmed for thursday, Candy.

Now, friday is the governor's ball...

we've not rsvped for

that, so are we a "go",

What are we doing?

- Ok, wait a minute,

It's this friday?

- Yes.

We need to cancel.

I have other plans.

You want to cancel

the governor's ball.

Yes, we need to cancel.

Tell him i came down with something.

Even though you were just

on the air looking perfectly

healthy?

Tell him it happened after the show.

- Got it.

Also, one more thing.

- Yes?

Yesterday, i saw some crumbs

on my desk.

I don't know if they were muffin

crumbs

or something like that, but are you

trying to ruin my career?

Candy, i didn't mean to bring

pastries around.

- We have talked about this

several times.

I'm on a very strict diet for

the next 90 days.

- I know that.

Which means that i can't be

around any sweets of any kind,

because even the smell of sweets

is total mayhem for me.

And I don't want to be in

chat rooms and on social media

where people are talking about

how i've just become this big fat cow,

and they put a picture of me

in the tabloids next to Shamu!

Candy, it won't happen again.

That's a relief.

Bounce.

Bye, thank you.

Muffin crumbs?

Really?

Don't you think you're

overreacting just a bit, Candy?

Louis, as a manager,

you of all people know how

vicious, sometimes, fans can be.

But that's your eighth

assistant this year.

Well, what is your point

about that?

I guess i have no point.

These just came in from that

F.A.N. Guy again.

That's the third time this

month.

"Anyone can sing in the sun,

but not many people know how to

dance in the rain."

That's Corny.

- Aw, that's very sweet.

This guy always says the coolest

things.

Well, he just might be a

stalker.

Oh, relax.

I'm sure it's harmless.

I'm gonna put this with my

collection.

Oh, Candy, the reporter from

Woman now magazine is on set

ready for her interview.

- Louis, really?

How many of these things

do i have to do in a week?

The book's not gonna sell

itself, Candy.

Just give 'em 15 minutes,

at least.

Roger that.

Gina, get out.

Ugh!

I need to get my head straight

before this interview.

You need to get a lot more

than that straight, Candy.

You've won numerous awards

and honors for hosting one of

America's favorite talk shows.

You have endorsement deals,

thousands of fans, and now

a new book.

Is there anything that

Candy Meyers can't do?

Um...

you know, it's funny, i...

I don't think of myself as very

special.

I just... I'm blessed enough to

have the lord give me these

beautiful assignments, and I'm

crazy enough to say yes.

But one might wager, Candy,

with your busy life and being a

woman of a certain age...

that maybe you've chosen to

sacrifice certain things,

like marriage and a family.

You know, i think it's

interesting, Nadia, that you

would equate a marriage and

family as happiness.

And I'm sure that there are

millions of women around the world

who would beg to differ.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time

to argue this point because

i have to re-shoot this promo.

But know i didn't mean to

offend you.

Oh, no, I know.

Thank you so much for your time.

Really, take care.

Good seeing you.

Thank you.

You want to tell me what's

wrong?

You haven't said a word since

the interview earlier.

I ever tell you I'm adopted?

- No.

No, I would have remembered

something like that.

I was eight years old

when my parents... the Meyers...

Told me.

Do you know what it was like to

be eight years old,

and find out that your family doesn't

really belong to you?

I can't imagine that, no.

Well, I suddenly felt like,

I don't know, a hamster that you

bring home from the pet store.

You know, you're part of the family,

but you're not really

part of the family.

They love you, Candy.

I mean, you and i both know that.

Yes, i know that, Louis,

but that doesn't change

how I feel.

You know, and when that reporter

today stated so graciously

that I didn't have a family of my

own, I just started thinking,

you know, if I do end up having

children of my own,

what am I gonna tell them?

I don't know anything.

I don't know about their

grandparents, I don't know about

their ancestry, their history,

my medical background.

I know nothing.

- Your grandparents are your

folks, Evelyn and Errol Meyers.

- Yeah, Louis.

And when my imaginary kids turn

eight years old, I'll just tell

them that that was a lie, too.

Never mind.

I'll be back.

Three red onions, as requested.

Oh, great!

Perfect.

You need me to chop 'em up?

- No, but can you shred that

gouda for me, please?

- Why not?

You want me to milk the cow,

too, while I'm at it?

Let me wash my hands.

I figured you'd be done with

this already.

Yeah, well, my family shows

up for the first time ever on time,

and I'm nowhere near done.

Yeah, i see.

Wow!

What a treat!

Louis, it's so good to see you.

- Hi, Gladys.

How are you?

- Excellent.

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