My Stepmother Is an Alien

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Hey, love your umbrella.

-Dr. Mills. Dr. Budlong.

-Morosini, Carvalho, come with me.

If he thinks he's going to ruin any more

equipment he's underestimated the facility.

-He thinks he's cute, doesn't he?

-Yes, but I was mother's favourite.

Dr. Mills.

-This is the last time I'll warn you.

-I won't let the Klystron go above 300.

That's what you said last time it rained,

but you turned it to 350.

Do you know what it costs

to repair a Klystron tube?

I know, Dr. Budlong. I'm very sorry,

but believe me it won't happen again.

You have my word on that, and I promise.

Don't worry. He can't go blowing up

your Klyman tube or whatever it is.

We've got a date tonight,

happy hour at Mingles.

Mingles. You know what that means?

What?

It means complimentary hors d'oeuvres.

A veritable who's who

of secretaries and beauticians.

It means 20th century music.

You look like a sensible man.

You believe there's life on other planets?

-I don't believe there's life in this room.

-Exactly.

Your brother wants to send a radar signal

to a point in space so far away...

...it'd take 92 years to get there

and 92 years to get back.

Ninety-two years? Steve, we're late now.

Indeed. There isn't anything

out there, Dr. Mills.

We're it.

Now don't you go above 300

or I'm revoking your funding.

Now that Dr. Strangelove is gone, let's go.

Mingles is at high party.

I can't tonight, Ron.

It's raining.

Tonight I've got another destination

in mind. I wanna go right there.

Clouds of Magellan. It sounds like

some kind of woman's underwear.

No, the Clouds of Magellan is

the name of our neighbouring galaxy.

You want to send a radar signal

to the next galaxy?

You can't get radar to the next galaxy.

You'd have to travel faster than

the speed of light. No one can do that.

Don't watch that, it won't change.

This is the one to watch.

I like the Clouds of Magellan.

We can't get there, Ron.

But if we increase the power of

the Klystron, with lightning...

...we may get a signal strong enough

to get out of the solar system.

That's the theory, anyway.

Right. Thanks.

Tell me something I don't know.

Can't this wait? Secretaries are

like animals when it comes to free food.

The reflectors line up for 10 days

only once every 19 months.

Now, with all this rain

and lightning, it's perfect.

Perfect for men like us.

Christ! Steve, when was the last time

you went out with a woman?

January of '86. No. March of '86.

I took Dr. Elizabeth Conway

to see the Halley's Comet retrospective.

Superb.

-You see it?

-Sure, a couple of times.

How can we be brothers?

We don't have a single gene in common.

-Not above 300 kilowatts.

-Hi.

Okay. Thank you. Have fun.

We have no time to sweep frequencies.

We'll lower it below three centimetres.

But below?

It's raining out here. I'm getting wet!

This jacket is a Ralph Lauren!

And it's smelly.

Great, just great.

I'm wet and smelly.

They're gonna jump all over me.

Do you guys smell fish?

It's me!

-Help me rotate the dish.

-Where's this lightning supposed to strike?

Right here.

Here?

That almost hit my shoe.

Excuse me.

All the way up.

I hate this. What the hell is this thing?

Klystron tube. Potential of 400 megawatts,

at an oscillation of 60 gigahertz.

Great. Why don't we take this to Mingles?

Stupid piece of garbage.

Now all we gotta do

is harness the lightning.

Yes, it's good. Let's try for lightning.

-Is this important?

-Only if it works.

Okay, deep breath. Set your retractors.

How long is this gonna take?

Single women have short attention spans.

Prepare to initiate the system.

Now!

Oh, Jesus!

-We got it!

-Look at it!

It's going! I love you!

What is happening?

Steve! What's happening?

Mills!

Mills!

What is happening?

The Klystron!

We have a red condition

in the second unit.

Fire control! The laboratory area.

I'm okay.

Beautiful!

What?

My God!

I didn't only get out of the solar system,

I just went out of the galaxy.

That means we were travelling faster

than the speed of light.

How the hell did we do that?

Eleven seconds on the clock.

Down by one. Mills fakes left.

Goes around Magic Johnson.

Puts Kareem in the popcorn machine.

Why can't I dunk? Is that asking so much?

You got out of the galaxy

and they fired you?

We were using lightning

to boost the power of the Klystron.

I shorted every telemetry tracker

in the place and all my monitors.

So there's no proof.

That's not fair.

What are we going to do?

I might just have to take a....

What?

Take a teaching job.

You know how that is?

One position for every 16 applicants.

I could double my babysitting.

Or take up a newspaper route.

Do girls do that now?

It's beautiful up there.

Two hundred billion stars in our galaxy.

That's really my office up there.

I wish Mom could have lived long enough

to see you get out of the galaxy.

She'd be having the whole block in

for champagne!

Think you'll ever find

anyone like her again?

Boy. Jess, I don't know.

The chances of me finding another woman

like your mother are the same...

...as me proving there's life on another

planet up there. Figure one in 16 billion.

All right, Larry Byrd, what's for dinner?

Fish sticks. Pop tarts.

Frozen pizza. Whatever else we can nuke

in the microwave.

What do you say, Dave?

Can we see Sirius tonight?

You know, it's also called the Dog Star.

Come on.

-It's quite a small planet, really.

-Half the size of ours, but very busy.

-Have you mastered it yet?

-Of course.

You know how superb our research is.

All I have to do is teach you

everything I know in 20 minutes.

We're at light 30 approaching light 35.

This is a record glide speed.

They didn't think we'd make it this fast.

Look, it's Saturn.

-Could we stop there on the way back?

-Maybe.

Why can't I fit Neptune into this picture?

Wait. That works.

Neptunians won't like it, though.

Let's see here.

Look at Neptune now!

-Dad, we'll be late for Uncle Ron's party.

-Look at Neptune.

I haven't finished the M.l.T. proposal yet.

-Come on.

-I hate leaving the universe in such a mess.

Here, put this on.

Look at this.

Do these things ever work? No.

The modern light bulb has a half-life

of about 10 minutes.

-I'm going to take it apart.

-It's not the bulb, it's the switch.

You've been meaning to fix it, remember.

Dad, you're impossible.

Do we have any socks?

See, I knew I had a pair in reserve.

And they're dry.

I've been cooking 'em since yesterday.

Daddy, look at me.

Do you see anything different about me?

I'm wearing a bra.

You can't be! You're only 13!

My God!

You're 13.

A bra?

Well, did you get the right strap size?

Cup size. Yeah, A-minus.

Where have I been?

How can I learn everything I need to know

in only six more minutes?

This is a very backward planet.

The Mondschein 40 is the most advanced

research facility in the northern universe.

Research has determined you must be

the most desirable woman on the planet.

Men on Earth will fall to their knees...

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