Nacho Libre Page #2

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Yeah, right.

Then I'll get kicked

out of the monastery.

I have an idea.

Tell me.

Take her on a date tonight

and I will bring some of my friends

to beat you up,

but we will let you win.

So where are you taking me?

Well, Sister, I saw a bum here today.

There were two bums,

and I said to myself,

''Let's talk to these guys

about the Gospel.''

Well, where are they?

I don't see them.

They should be coming by.

Where is your robe, Ignacio?

It was stinky.

But these are my recreation clothes.

-They look expensive.

-Thank you.

I mean, yes,

they may have

the appearance of riches,

but beneath the clothes, we find a man.

And beneath a man,

we find his nucleus.

-Nucleus?

-Yes.

Listen, I don't like the way

those guys just looked at you.

Hey! Can't you see this woman's a nun?

And if you guys

have a problem with that,

well, you can just fight me.

Okay.

You ready?

You messed with

the wrong guy this time.

You ever seen these moves? Huh?

You see these moves? Huh?

You think you gonna... Huh?

-Come on!

-This way. I think he's over here.

Surprise.

Get that corn out of my face!

Release! Release!

I looked like a fool last night!

What took you so long?

It's no use.

I wanna be a great fighter,

but I can't even beat

a couple of guys in the street.

Nacho.

I think I know someone

who can help you.

-The Lord?

-No.

He's a water gypsy.

He know wheres to find eagle eggs.

Eagle eggs?

I'm not listening to you. You're crazy.

Nacho, I'm telling you. This is for reals.

His eagle eggs possess

magical powers.

You could become the greatest fighter

who ever lived.

In order for you to become empowered

by the eagle,

you must climb that cliff,

find the egg,

crack open one of them,

and then swallow the yolk.

So, what you're saying to me

is if I can eat this yolk,

my moves will become

the best in the whole world.

Definitely.

High five.

-Summon your eagle powers.

-What do you think I am doing?

Eagle powers, come to me!

Please!

Tag. Tag! Tag!

Those eggs were a lie, Steven.

A lie!

They gave me no eagle powers!

They gave me no nutrients!

Sorry.

I don't want to get paid to lose.

I want to win!

I need professional help.

I need Ramses.

He's the best.

We need to get in

with him and his buddies.

We must learn their ways.

But they are pros.

They only hang out with each other.

Then we must go pro!

But going pro is not that easy.

It's political, obviously.

My area, amigo.

You see that guy over there?

His name is Seor Ramon.

He's Ramses' manager

and he owns all of the big arenas.

He's having a party tomorrow night.

We need to go and show him

we mean business,

that we are ready for the big leagues.

Over there in the tree

is a chipmunk nest.

Here we have the corn.

The best in the city. It's delicious.

That is where I get the day-old chips,

over in a secret place.

And that is a crazy lady.

So now you got a little taste

of what I do.

It's pretty dang exciting, huh?

Ramses!

-How do you know him?

-He's the best.

No, he's not.

May I have his autograph?

Please?

Okay. Let me see what I can do.

Ramses.

How are you?

Hi.

I was wondering

if the children could get a

signature from you and maybe a picture.

Listen, the kids are orphans.

They like you. You are the best.

This party's gonna be crazy.

I mean, we're gonna be pros.

Feel it.

Go on. I made them.

Go lay down.

Ignacio, I've been looking for you.

-Where have you been?

-I've been here.

I've been sleeping.

In a frilly shirt and slacks?

They are my PJs.

Can I come in?

No, people might get

the wrong idea about you.

Like maybe you are a floozy.

Ignacio, I was in the kitchen

and there's no food

for tomorrow's breakfast.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

-But when?

-Good night.

Hey, let go my blouse.

We are wrestlers, too. We are invited.

-Give me a boost.

-Okay.

Hey. What about me?

I don't think I can lift you.

You are too fat.

Good luck.

Seor Ramon.

-Who are you?

-I am Esqueleto, the luchador.

Everybody is a luchador, mi amigo.

I think that me and my friend

are ready to go pro.

Ramses, would you like to fight

this man in the ring?

So you want to make a name

for yourself, horseface?

Win the Battle Jam next week.

The winner will fight Ramses

in exhibition

in front of 5,000 people.

Then you will be a pro.

I forgive you.

Come here, soldier.

How did you get up here so fast?

Secret tunnels.

Some say wrestlers make bad lovers.

That they save themselves for the ring.

Huh?

I love you.

Sing!

Sing something for Ramses!

Okay, my friend, this one's yours.

What?

This one yours.

I am singing at the party

I am singing

It's my turn to sing at the party

Everyone is dancing

Happy party

But Ramses is not dancing

He does not dance at the parties

Ramses is number one

He knows the secrets of desire

Ramses is the one

He puts the people all on fire

Ramses

Steven!

Come here.

That party was lame.

I hate that place.

Hey!

Take it easy.

It sucks to be me right now!

-How come?

-How come you think?

I used to really like Ramses.

I wanted to become him.

But it turns out he's a real douche.

Well, win the Battle Jam this week

and you can fight him yourself.

Forget it.

What?

Because I can't go on living a lie.

Earth to Steven.

I'm a friar.

I'm not for that world.

The orphans, they need me,

and I have forsaken them.

I got no groceries for breakfast

because of you!

I'm sick of hearing

about your stupid orphans.

-What did you just say?

-I hate orphans.

-Say it again to my face.

-I hate them!

Come again?

I hate all the orphans

in the whole world.

I'm not listening to you.

You only believe in science.

That's probably why we never win.

We never win because you are fat.

Buenos das, Sister.

So, what you cooking?

Breakfast.

Ignacio, you have a responsibility

to these children.

I know.

Well, where have you been?

I've been gone because I had

a lot of church-y opportunities lately,

outside of the orphanage.

Like what? Where were you last night?

To tell you the truth,

I went to a wrestling match.

You went to watch a wrestling match?

Kind of.

You are a man of the cloth.

Lucha libre, it's a sin.

But why?

Because those men fight for vanity,

for money,

for false pride.

Yes, it's terrible. Terrible.

But is it always a sin to fight?

No.

lf you fight for something noble,

or for someone who needs your help,

only then will God bless you in battle.

You must pray for forgiveness.

Excuse me, Ignacio.

Precious Father,

why have you given me

this desire to wrestle

and then made me

such a stinky warrior?

Have I focused too much on my boots

and all my fame and my stretchy pants?

Wait a second.

Maybe you want me to fight

and give everything I win

to the little ones who have nothing

so they can have better foods

and a better life.

Yeah, maybe that.

Okay, if I win tonight at the Battle Jam,

I will know that you bless my mission

and that you want me to be

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