Nancy, Please Page #4

Not at all. Just a roommate.

Well, to be honest...

There's nothing much I can do here.

You just have to try

to reason with her.

But she won't allow that.

She won't talk to me. I'm...

Isn't this stealing?

Isn't this illegal?

Did she say she wouldn't

give you the book back?

- No she said I could have it.

- Well, then...

- But you have to understand.

- Paul! The only question here

under the law is, "What can

you prove?" and at this point

all that you can prove is that

she's dickin' you around.

- That's not illegal!

- No, but...

But it's like she's

holding me hostage.

I need this book to

finish my thesis.

(STAMMERS)

She is singlehandedly destroying

my academic career! That's wrong!

What she's doing is wrong!

Isn't it?

Sure.

It's wrong.

Does that make you fell better?

(WATER RUNNING, THUDS)

(MUTTERING; INDISTINCT)

the result of choices...

piece of sh*t!

You're stupid.

(WATER RUNNING)

(MUTTERING)

You will... you will die alone.

(AIR WHOOSHES, HUMS)

(CLINKING, TAPPING RAPIDLY)

What?

What?

- What are you doing?

- I'm eating.

Did you call CLP and get the

electric bill switched?

No.

So what did you do today?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

Nothing.

So how long is this

nothing gonna go on for?

I don't know.

- Paul we had a deal.

- What?

I'm not working in the hospital

every day because I like it.

- I'm just trying to eat my dinner.

- Your funding runs out in seven months!

- Seven and a half.

- Paul, you can't just stop!

- I know that.

- You gonna work tomorrow?

(LOW BASS THUMPING)

Difficult to say.

(BALL FWAPS, BOUNCES)

(CHILDREN PLAYING,

BUSTLING STREET NOISE)

(MUSIC FADES OUT)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

Hey.

I said hey, Nancy.

(KEYS JINGLING)

What do you think I'm going

to do? I just want the book.

(SCREEN GRATES)

Why don't you just go away?

Listen, I'm sorry about

the other night.

- I didn't mean to scare you.

- You didn't scare me.

- I just need my book, okay?

- I told you to go away.

I'll wait on the steps, I'll wait

across the street if you want

me to, just go inside,

get the book,

throw it out the window, and

you'll never see me again!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Why are you dragging

this out like this?

Why don't you just end it?

Why are you dragging

it out like this?

Why don't you just end it?!

I... What ar...?!

Look, come on. Um...

Here, I'm gonna stand...

right here while you go in,

and get the book.

How do you know I

haven't thrown it away?

Have you?

(DOOR THUDS)

Nancy!

I want you to know

that I despise you.

I disliked you the first

time I met you, because

your hair is stringy,

and you smell weird.

But the more I got to know you,

the more I came to understand

that there is something

willfully hostile about the way

that you interact with people.

And that all the things

that make you unattractive,

and grating, are the result

of deliberate choices,

and that you make those

choices because you

are a worthless, despicable sh*t!

(HINGES CREAK, THUD)

You're stupid and obnoxious!

You're gonna die alone.

Somebody put a dead bird

in my mailbox yesterday.

What?

A dead sparrow.

Pink ribbon around its neck.

In my mailbox.

- Why?

- F***ed if I know.

Stupid a**hole neighborhood kids

hopped up on Meth. F***ers!

Everything's coming apart.

I'm all out of ideas.

- Nancy isn't gon...

- Shh. Stop.

(STAMMERS)

You... ok. Just listen to me.

You've been going about

this whole thing

totally the wrong way.

Nancy's a f***in' fruit cake!

You can't approach her

like she's a reasonable

human being. You have to understand

you can reason with somebody,

who is un... reasonable.

You can be as rational,

as reasonable,

as right as you wanna be,

none of that counts for sh*t

against crazy. You could be

a f***in' supreme master

of logic and rhetoric,

but crazy b*tches...

They don't give a f***!

Yeah?

I mean, what are you...

What are you saying?

I'm saying it's time

to make a choice.

CHOICE ONE:

Accept the book is gone,

smooth things over with Jen,

move on with your life.

And choice two?

Stop dicking around.

Take your book back.

What do you think I've

been trying to do?

No, no. Take... your book back.

You've been asking

for it... I'm saying:

you show up on Nancy's doorstep,

with a f***in' crowbar.

- Are you kidding me?

- Listen to me.

Do you want your book back?

Or do you want Nancy to win?

I want my book back.

Then it's time to graduate

to Nancy's level.

Degenerate to Nancy's level.

Semantics.

(CRICKETS, BUSTLING)

(WATER RUNNING)

(ITEMS CLATTER ON COUNTER)

(KEYS JINGLE)

(JINGLING)

(WHISPERING) I found the key.

CHARLIE:
What?

I found a key to Nancy's.

CHARLIE:
Why are you whispering?

Because I don't want to

wake up Jen. Listen,

I found a key to Nancy's.

I gave one to Jen

a million years ago

but she never used it

because Nancy would always freak

out, but she's still got it!

CHARLIE:
Fan-f***ing-tastic,

man. Problem solved.

Let yourself in.

Should I? I... I...

(STAMMERS) I mean...

CHARLIE:

What are you talking about?

Of course you should.

But it, it'd still kind of

be breaking and entering.

CHARLIE:
It's not breaking and entering.

You're not breaking anything.

What about trespassing?

CHARLIE:

For f***'s sake, you have a key!

You lived there for three years!

Go there, get your sh*t,

and stop whining about it.

- Yeah. I should?

- CHARLIE:
Yes! Do it.

(WHISPERING)

Alright. I'm gonna do it.

Just two minutes. In and out.

(LAUGHS)

CHARLIE:
I'm proud of you buddy.

(WATER RUNNING)

I'm meeting Charlie

for a drink later.

Sounds pretty incredible.

(WATER SPLASHES, CLINKING)

Can I take the car?

Sure.

(DISHES CLATTER)

Try to stay out of

trouble, alright?

(PEOPLE CHATTING QUIETLY;

INDISTINCT MUSIC)

(THUNDER CRASHES)

(RAIN PATTERS, THUNDER)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(RAIN PATTERS, SPLASHING)

(HINGES SCREECH)

(LOCK CLICKS, SOUND OF RAIN FADES)

(LIGHT CLICKS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(THUNDER CRASHES

QUIETLY IN DISTANCE)

(RAIN PATTERS)

(FEET SHUFFLING, STAIRS CREAK)

(CLICK)

(STAIRS CREAK)

(ZIP)

(RAINFALL)

(SOFT SHUFFLING)

(PICTURES SHUFFLE, ZIP)

(PHOTOS SLAP ON TABLE)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(LOW RUMBLE)

(THWACK, GRUNTS)

(THUD, GROANING IN PAIN)

(SCREAMING)

(CRYING, STUTTERS)

Stop! No! No!

(LOUD THWACK)

NANCY:
Hello?

Hello? I need your help please.

There's an intruder in my house.

(SNIFFLING, HEAVY BREATHING)

NANCY:
There's an intruder

in my house!

I need the police.

I need the police now!

He's in my house right f***ing now!

(GRUNTS, SPITS)

I don't know!

I don't know!

Get a cop here now!

(PANTING, INTENSE MUSIC)

(KEYS JINGLING)

(DOOR OPENS, CLICK, SLAM)

(ENGINE REVS)

(MUSIC CHANGES, SOFT PIANO)

(HUM OF CARS)

(SQUEAK)

(THUD, CLICK)

(T.V. SPEAKER; INDISTINCT)

(T.V. PLAYING, CHATTERING)

(SOUNDS FADE OUT)

So how's Jen handling it?

She's expressing her support

via icy silence and

frequent door-slamming.

How's your class?

Sick leave last week. "Sick..."

(GROANS) I start again tomorrow.

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