National Bird Page #7

of information

about the drone program

that the government doesn't

want out there.

DANIEL:
I've discussed

with my lawyers

to the full extent,

everything that I

think that this

investigation could be about.

A lot of that is

details that I simply

could never talk about on film.

But what I will say is that

it's likely to do with the fact

that I'm someone

who has both worked

for the intelligence community,

and who's politically active.

And therefore they

are suspicious of my...

Of my background.

DANIEL:
August.

Yeah.

You probably remember back in

like, August, I called you out

of nowhere, and asking

you about- yeah.

So there's a long story to that.

I'm OK, but it's... it's

a bit of a legal matter.

No, thank... I just wanna

thank you again for like,

being available.

That's really very... like, if

I couldn't get a hold of you,

I would... I didn't know

what I was gonna do.

It's in the middle of

being resolved, hopefully.

But as far as now is concerned,

I can't talk about it.

Right now my biggest

concern is... well,

it's certainly not school,

even though I'm in school.

And it's basically like

the least- the thing

I'm least focused on.

Even though it should be

the number one priority

I have right now, but right

now I'm just constantly going

over my head and constantly

thinking about what I'm saying

and who I'm saying it to.

And making sure that I'm not

saying anything to somebody,

whether a stranger,

or somebody I know,

somebody I think I can trust,

or I know I can't trust.

I'm just- I'm always afraid

of saying the wrong thing,

the wrong time.

And I'm always second guessing

my words everywhere I go.

I mean, me personally, like,

I just live every day trying

to become more and more

comfortable with the idea

that it's probably gonna happen.

That I'm probably gonna get

indicted and I'm probably going

to get charged with a crime.

And that there's

probably a real chance

I'll have to fight to

stay out of prison.

I think it's kind of funny... a

little ironic too... because so

far I'm probably

the only adult male

in my entire family

in media and external

that has not been

to prison so far.

So I come from a long lineage

of prisoners, actually.

Great proud

tradition of f***-ups

who get drunk, and go driving,

or sell pot, or, you know,

carrying a gun

when they shouldn't

be carrying a gun in the

wrong place, the wrong time.

A lot of that where...

Where I'm from.

But I've... I don't know.

Is it scary to think about

one day being in prison?

Yeah, I don't have a

good answer for that

because it's scary in prison.

Yes, that's it.

[chuckles] That was a

f***ing three minute yes.

All the clients

I've represented...

Although I've represented them

pro bono... we have to involve

criminal defense attorneys.

And all of them owe legal bills

upwards of a million dollars,

and that usually only goes

before trial even began.

The million dollar

bill, that doesn't even

take you through at

the beginning of trial.

So the economic

price alone... not

to mention the personal

price of your relationships...

Because you can't talk to

your friends and family

about what's going on.

You can't even talk to...

Theoretically-a therapist

about what's going on.

The emotional costs

are indescribable...

And it's not an exaggeration

to say that most of my clients

who've been under espionage

criminal investigations...

Is not at all unusual for

them to end up blacklisted,

and bankrupt, and broken.

At a minimum almost

every one of my clients

who had to deal with

this has suffered

from severe anxiety,

and depression,

and suicidal ideation.

And in terms of what it

could actually do to him

it could imprison

him for decades.

It's kind of... it's a

big day, but it's also good

because, like, tomorrow I

can wake up and not think,

like, I wonder when

I'll hear from the VA.

Like, it'll... whether,

you know, whatever they

decide at least I

know that I don't have

to worry about it anymore.

[GPS talking]

I'm sure they won't

even know what

my job was in the military.

That's gonna be interesting.

Because- they're, like,

if it is a civilian company

that they're outsourcing to.

So they're probably

be like, what?

What's a... what's a Predator?

What's a Reaper?

So that should be interesting,

and that should probably

have a lot to do with if I

don't get my disability...

Don't get the disability.

We will see.

I can see they

have ample parking.

I don't care about the money.

It's about- it's about

recognizing that someone

can see terrible

things and still need

to talk to someone about it.

And still need to figure

out how to heal from that

without having to get

shot at, or without having

to be in the war zone.

It's about understanding that

people see traumatic things.

And that can affect

them just as much as

if you're involved in

the traumatic things,

because we're all directly

involved in the drone program

whether people think

they are or not.

But they'll decide that for me.

When I went in I was like...

I was expecting like,

the whole thing to be them

coming up with reasons

why I don't have PTSD.

And the guy sat down,

and he was so nice.

And he sat down and he

was like, so I was looking

at your papers, it

seems like you saw

a lot of really awful things.

And he was like,

he had me describe

some of them and stuff,

and I started crying.

And he's like, gave

me tissues and he's

just like, I'm so sorry.

And he's like, I'm so sorry

you had to see these things.

And he's like, you're way

too young for that, you know?

It's... it's really tough and

we're gonna try to get you

the best help we can get you.

And like, it was...

He was like, you

know it's good that

you're coming in here

and I'm really glad you're

seeing a therapist regularly.

And he's like,

these are all things

that can really help you.

And he's like, I see a

lot of people with PTSD.

And he's like, I promise it's

not always gonna be like this,

you know, you're

gonna eventually have

days where it's a lot easier.

He's like, hopefully,

you know, you won't feel

as guilty as you do, forever.

DANIEL:
It's really

tough to... to describe

what that feeling is like.

You know, having the image

in your head of, you know,

just taking your

own life is... like

it's... it's not a good feeling.

It's not something

people should...

Should have to deal with.

And... And yet despite...

And yet we do.

Yet we do have those thoughts

sometimes when we are in our,

like, in our darkest places,

we have a lot to worry about

and the future is uncertain.

And we are... you know, we feel

guilty about our past actions,

or something of that sort.

I'm not sure.

WOMAN (ON VIDEO): A

federal jury in Virginia

has convicted former CIA officer

Jeffrey Sterling of nine felony

counts, including espionage.

Prosecutors accuse

Sterling of leaking

classified information

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