Neds Page #4

like a real teacher.

Right, you get your hands up.

Come on.

Put them up, properly.

In front of you. Separately.

There! Now, you get back

to your seat. Go on!

- Is that it?

- What?

What, is that all you're gonna do?

If you're gonna do it, do it properly.

I don't know...

what's got into you, McGill.

But if I have to knock some sense

into you, then I bloody well will!

There, six. Now sit down!

"Marcus is in the garden."

But Shh.

Just what do you hope

to achieve by all this, McGill'?

Right!

Youse want a NED?

I'll give youse a f***ing NED.

What's happened to you, f***'s sake?

Someone's cashed

in their f***ing Provy cheque.

You paying us in, then?

Krew ya bass! Come on! F***ing...

F*** your Car-D!

Benny!

- John, where the f*** you going?

- You f***ing daft c*nt.

John!John!

There he is.

- He's got some f***ing balls, man.

- Oi, wee man!

Come over here a minute.

I just wanna talk to you, pal.

F***ing get him! Car-D scum!

This way. Go. Go.

What do you think you're doing,

barging in like that?

- Those boys are gonna stab me.

- Who are you?

- Please, for just 5 minutes.

- I don't think so!

Please. They're all gonna stab me.

- I don't even know you from Adam!

- Please.

Well, you'd better come on in.

You never get the police

when you want them.

This used to be a good area.

Now you can't step over your front door

without worrying what these thugs are at.

What sort of parents let their weans

roam the streets like a pack of wolves.

Should all be locked up.

Where have you been?

I've been worried sick.

This young lad was nearly killed.

Where have you been?

- I was at my pals, you know where.

- I told you to be back by 9 o'clock.

I don't want you out

when there's lunatics running about.

- I'll walk him up the road, Ma.

- You will not. Stay right where you are.

I don't want you out there

with those eejits running about.

Er...l think it's all right to go now.

- Are you sure, son?

- Aye, I should be safe.

- Cheers for the tea and biscuits.

- Look after yourself. Be careful out there.

Aye.

All right, cheerio, son.

- F*** did youse lot get to?

- Did you not get Benny?

- What?

- He went over there looking for you.

F***'s he doing talking to that c*nt?

Put the tool down.

Put the f***ing tool down.

F***, man. You wee prick!

F***ing Young Car-D!

Come on, you c*nts! Come on!

F***ing dafties!

Should've stabbed that f***ing Benny

when we had the chance.

Look at the ginger c*nt at the back!

He's got a disability!

I'll f***ing do you, fat prick.

Come on over here, you fat bastard.

Bunch of bunnet rimmers,

look at youse!

I've f***ed your ma,

you f***ing clown!

Your ma's had more bell-ends

than weekends.

What's that, Fifey, you f***? What?

I'm getting into you!

What? You f***ing prick.

- You f***ing shitebag!

- Every f***ing one of youse!

- Here, move out the way.

- Move the f*** away!

It's not my fault it looks

like Wurzel Gummidge!

I Heaven,

I'm in heaven

I And the cares that hung around me

through the week

I Seem to vanish

like a gambler's lucky streak

I When we're out together

dancing cheek to cheek... I

- Pull back!

- F*** your Krew!

F***ing c*nt!

Hey, youse...

Come on. Put it down, man.

Get the f*** outta here.

Go and play with that scooter

over there, Elaine.

You're in my roads.

- Can I help you?

- Want a newspaper delivered, Miss'??

- No. No, thanks.

- Right, no bother.

Johnny, Claire wants you

to fill in her hole.

- You'll need a bigger pen than that.

- Shut it or I'll kick you in the hole.

- Where are you from, sweetheart?

- Govan, why?

F***, man.

Govan hairys in the house, boys.

- F***ing hairy you, you arsehole.

- Who the f*** you calling a hairy?

Boy there says he's just moved in.

Wants to hang about with us.

- He's got a bit of blow and that.

- F***, man, tell him to bounce down.

Says he doesn't like to

in case John batters him.

- Where is he?

- Over there.

- Too right I'll f***ing batter him.

- That's nasty.

- What's he done to you?

- He dug me up.

- Did you sort it?

- Benny did.

Ah, Benny did!

Bring him up here,

I'll kick his f***ing head in.

- He's all right.

- Is he f***, mate.

You'll f***ing what?

- I'll kick his head in, mate.

- Kick whose f***ing head in?

I decide. If I f***ing want him

up here, he's up here.

You'll need to go through me first then,

you f***ing dick.

No, mate. Me and you are mates.

it's him, mate.

Just tell the c*nt to come over.

it's all right. Just get him over.

What made you move

from Hardridge, Canta?

My ma wanted me to keep out of trouble

and not fall in with the bad crowd.

- Bad crowd?

- Oh, aye.

And this wee c*nt's

got the giggles over here.

Two snowmen in afield.

One turns to the other one and says,

"Why do you smell of carrots?"

- The other one says, "l see coal."

- F***ing knob-end.

John. Claire wants to know

if you want to go a walk?

- If she wants.

- I'll go get her.

You better not rip my tights.

- I'll be back in a minute.

- You better not leave me here.

- I'll be back.

- I mean it.

- Here, mate. Here.

- All right.

- Here.

- What is it?

You remember what you done to me?

Honestly, John, I'm f***ing sorry,

I swear to God. I didn't mean it.

- Obviously I meant it, but...

- I remember what you done to me.

- Get your f***ing hand down.

- It was years ago.

We were both wee guys.

Just forget it.

Doesn't matter how long ago.

You still did it.

I'm sorry. Just shake on it, man.

I'm really sorry.

- I'm not shaking, but I'll let it go.

- Cool, mate.

Just remember I won't forget about it.

Understand?

- You f***ing idiot.

- What did youse f***ing say there?

- Never said anything. Honestly.

- Never said anything, did you?

Didn't say anything, you f***?

And where have you been?

Just round at a pal's house.

John, shut the door.

See, from now on, I want you

up in that room every night.

Right?

Your brother's been arrested.

What for?

Does it really matter what for?

And in the morning...

He's up in front of the Sheriff.

I want you to go down there.

Come back,

tell me what happens.

I don't want the police

phoning next door.

And if any of the neighbours ask,

we had a break-in. Okay?

And your Auntie Beth's coming tomorrow.

Here to find out about my brother.

- Does he have a name?

- Benjamin. Benjamin McGill.

What time did he appear?

Don't know.

The guy at the door wouldn't let me in.

- What guy?

- That police guy.

You mean the police officer?

He appeared in front of the Sheriff

at 10:
00. Bail's been set at 15.

If it's not paid by 4:00 this afternoon,

be taken out the back,

placed in a van and

taken directly to Barlinnie Prison.

- Now do you have 15'?

- No.

Well, you better get it

before 4:
00, eh?

I'm here to pay my fine.

Ma. Benny needs 15 bail money.

- Would you like a cup of tea?

- No, you're okay, thanks.

This is my son John.

He goes to school with your wee lad.

Would it be okay

if he popped in to see him?

- Aye.

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