Needful Things Page #3

- You're not Catholic, are you?

- You might say that I am...

...nondenominational.

- I knew it!

Then you will have little objection

to my placing this in your front window.

I couldn't possibly do that.

You see, I, like you,

am here to serve everyone.

However, by way of compensation...

...perhaps I may offer you something,

which might interest you.

Say, how about an objet d'art?

What is your preference, Reverend?

Asian, Roman?

That is 2nd century, Reverend.

Wasn't it St. Augustine who said,

"Make me chaste, O Lord.

"But not yet, not yet"?

Father.

Reverend.

"Paper packages tied up with strings

"These are a few of my favorite things"

Yes. I'm so thrilled.

Thank you, Mr. Gaunt.

Treasure Island. First edition, actually.

Signed by Robert Louis Stevenson himself.

- It's magnificent.

- Take a gander.

If it's too hot in here, Mr. Jewett,

just say the word.

I'm afraid I have a tendency

to turn up the heat.

Hello, Ms. Chalmers.

- My goodness. What's wrong?

- Where did you...

How long have you been there?

I was just hoping for a cup of coffee.

I didn't realize you were closing.

Coffee? Sure, no problem.

- You're Mr. Gaunt.

- And you're Polly Chalmers.

I'm sorry, I don't shake hands. I have...

Arthritis. Forgive me. I forgot.

You've been having a devil of a time

with it lately, haven't you?

Yes. How did you know?

Nettie told me.

Here.

Just a tiny thank-you note

for that remarkable pie.

My Lord.

I don't think I ever had

a tastier cup of coffee.

You wouldn't, by any chance,

have something in the way of a doughnut?

Something I might dunk, Ms. Chalmers?

Please, we're going to be neighbors.

Why don't you call me Polly?

Go on.

Oh, no! No! No! Sh*t!

- Dan, it's me.

- Jesus! What the hell are you doing?

You scared the hell out of me,

sneaking up on me like that.

- Put the gun down, Dan.

- Yeah.

Another couple of seconds, I would've been

out of here. You would've missed me.

- What can I do for you?

- I had a call from the state auditors.

Yeah?

We have an Appropriations Committee

meeting next week to discuss budgets.

- Guess what. It's on my calendar.

- They wanna be there.

They want me to bring them printouts,

sh*t from city hall.

Yeah, you know those bastards.

They're on some kind of fishing expedition.

What the hell's going on?

I've been having some bad luck

at the track lately.

So I borrowed some money from the town

petty cash fund to cover the shortfall.

Jesus, Dan.

I'm gonna pay it back.

I was gonna pay it back before next week.

- Honest to God.

- How much we talking about here?

- $20,000.

- $20,000? Jesus Christ!

I'm getting a loan on my dealership

to pay it back, from Boston.

When?

Any day now.

Two days, four days, next week.

Four days?

Done.

You stall them for me, all right?

- Yeah. I will. Till Monday.

- Okay, thanks a lot...

- Believe me, I'll make it worth your while.

- Like hell, you will. Just pay it back.

I just meant if you wanted a deal

on a new boat. It's all I meant, I swear.

Whatever you want. And for Polly, too.

- I'll get her a deal on...

- Monday!

How's my boy?

You have something that's mine, Brian,

that you haven't finished paying for.

- But you said I could have it if...

- The dealing isn't done, you see...

...until Mr. Gaunt says the dealing is done.

And away they go!

She's A Hell-Raiser breaks on top

and goes straight to the lead...

...followed by Confucius Sings and Mr. Lee.

Lots Of Luck having a go wide, turning.

She's A Hell-Raiser...

Yeah! Boy, what the hell?

- That was pretty fine.

- Fine as paint.

- Can I...

- Careful. See, this is no ordinary toy.

- What is it?

- You see, the man who sold this to me...

...his father made their fortune from it.

Every morning he'd take

the day's racing form...

...and run its races

before they ever happened...

...one by one, right on this board.

He'd give each tin horse

the real name from the paper...

...do it just by touching and whispering.

- A brand-new name.

- Citation.

Sea Biscuit, Well Away...

- Seattle Slew.

- Man O' War.

Whoever were running that day.

Wind her up, let her go.

Run the whole damn slate that way!

Northern Dancer.

Eight, ten, a dozen races.

Then go right to the track,

and bet on those fillies...

...that won on this astonishing toy

from Japan Incorporated.

He'd rake in the cash, Dan.

Rake in the goddamn cash.

Rake in the cash.

How much?

Good day to you.

- Good morning, Father.

- Father.

- What do you want?

- Coffee and the usual.

Hey, Corn Cobb.

- What's the button on your boob?

- You're crazy.

- You leave me alone!

- Take it easy, Nettie.

Put the knife down.

Put it down.

Okay, Wilma. What'll it be?

Raider on rye, a little glass of puppy pus,

and two nice doggie eyes.

- Why don't you just order up or get out?

- Wilma.

- Sh*t.

- It's okay.

I'll go talk to her.

April Dreaming, Junction Salute.

She's A Hell-Raiser.

Tammy's Wonder, Easy Sweep.

That's My Boy.

Yes, okay, little puppies.

You ready now? Let's run a good race.

- Ready, set, go!

- And away they go!

And it's Tammy's Wonder. April Dreaming.

Junction Salute on the outside.

And Easy Sweep is far back.

- Into the far turn.

- Neck and neck!

- Tammy's Wonder on the inside...

- Tammy's Wonder!

Tammy's Wonder's gonna go on to win.

Tammy's Wonder from April Dreaming.

We've got Love My Martinis, Trentier...

...Doubter's Ridge, Rancadoo...

...By George, and Confucius Sings.

Little Chinese puppy.

Okay, fellas, now, let's go.

Make money for daddy!

And they're off!

- It's the white one, the red one.

- Danforth?

It's the green one. God, they're beautiful.

Look at those beautiful horses!

Run, run, run! Come on!

Come on. Come on, horsies.

Who's gonna win here?

- Danforth?

- Goddamn it! Go away!

I'll be out when I'm out.

- Aren't you going to work?

- I am at work!

Would you like me

to go down to the bakery...

...and maybe get some

honey-dipped doughnuts?

Yeah. Honey-dipped doughnuts.

Yeah, toilet paper, a nose job.

Just leave me alone!

You ready now? Let's run a good race.

Ready, set, go! They're off!

And they're coming around the corner.

It's a runaway victory!

Yeah! Come on, come on!

Yeah!

Good boy. Sit.

Stay. Mommy's got to go scoot

and do something for Mr. Gaunt...

...before it gets dark.

But don't you worry.

Mommy's going to lock all our doors

from now on.

Stay.

Lovely day.

Come on, girls.

The crowd is tense.

Brian Rusk doing the pitching.

And let me tell you, he is really

sensational. He's working on the no-hitter.

We're in the bottom of the ninth inning.

A count of 2 and 2 on the batter.

Two men on base,

but Brian has walked them both.

Right now, he's checking the runners

leading off first and second.

He's gotten the sign from the catcher,

the runners lead away...

...and here's the pitch.

Strike three! How about that?

Will he make that no-hitter, or will he not?

Brian Rusk. Man alive!

Is he really sharp today.

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