Network Page #9

are supposed to be negotiating this...

...so goodbye, good luck,

I'll see you Monday.

Jimmy Caan's agent just called

and says absolutely nix.

Can't win them all.

-Where can I reach you later?

You can't. I'll be gone all weekend.

NBC's offering $3.25 mil...

...per package

of five James Bond movies...

...and I think I'm gonna steal them

for $3.5 million with a third run.

And I'm gonna stick

The Mao Tse-Tung Hour in at 8...

...because we're having a lot of trouble

selling The Mao Tse-Tung Hour.

This way....

That Mao Tse-Tung Hour's

turning into one big pain in the ass.

We're having heavy legal problems

with the federal government right now.

Two FBI guys turned up

in Hackett's office last week...

...and served us with a subpoena.

They heard about our Flagstaff bank

rip-off film and they want it.

Hackett told the FBI to f*** off.

No, but we're getting around the FBI...

...by doing the show in collaboration

with the news division.

We're standing on the First Amendment,

Freedom of the Press...

...and the right to protect our sources.

Walter thinks we can knock out

the misprision of felony charge. Ha, ha.

But he says absolutely nix

on going to series.

They'll hit us with conspiracy

and inducement to commit a crime.

Christ, it's cold in here.

See, we're paying these nuts

from the Ecumenical Liberation Army...

...$10,000 a week in order to turn in

authentic film footage...

...of their revolutionary activities...

...and that can constitute inducement

to commit a crime.

And Walter says we'll all wind up

in federal prison.

I said,

"Walter, let the government sue us.

Let the federal government sue us.

We'll take them to the Supreme Court.

We'll be front page, mm, for months.

The New York Times

and The Washington Post...

...will be writing two editorials a week

about us.

We'll be front page for months.

We'll have more press than Watergate."

All I need is six weeks' federal litigation...

...and The Mao Tse-Tung Hour

can start carrying its own time slot.

What's really bugging me now

is my daytime programming.

NBC's got a lock on daytime...

...with their lousy game shows...

...and I'd like to bust them.

I'm thinking of doing

a homosexual soap opera.

The Dykes.

The heart-rendering saga

about a woman hopelessly in love...

...with her husband's mistress.

What do you think?

How long has it been going on?

A month.

I thought it was a transient thing,

blow over in a week.

And I still pray to God

it's just a menopausal infatuation.

But it is an infatuation, Louise.

There's no sense in my saying

I won't see her again, because I will.

Do you want me to leave?

Check into a hotel?

Do you love her?

I don't know how I feel.

I'm grateful I can feel anything.

I know I'm obsessed with her.

Then say it.

Don't keep telling me that

you're obsessed, that you're infatuated.

Say that you're in love with her.

I'm in love with her.

Then get out!

Go anywhere you want. Go to a hotel,

go live with her, but don't come back.

Because after 25 years...

...of building a home and raising a family

and all the senseless pain...

...that we have inflicted on each other,

I'm damned if I'm gonna stand here...

...and have you tell me

you're in love with somebody else.

Because this isn't a convention weekend

with your secretary, is it?

Or some broad that you picked up

after three belts of booze.

This is your great winter romance,

isn't it?

Your last roar of passion before you settle

into your emeritus years.

Is that what's left for me?

Is that my share? She gets

the winter passion and I get the dotage.

What am I supposed to do?

Am I supposed to sit home knitting

and purling while you slink back...

...like some penitent drunk?

I'm your wife, damn it.

If you can't work up

a winter passion for me...

...the least I require

is respect and allegiance.

I hurt, don't you understand that?

I hurt badly.

Oh, say something, for God's sake.

I've got nothing to say.

I won't give you up easily, Max.

I think perhaps it is better

if you move out.

Does she love you, Max?

I'm not sure she's capable

of any real feelings.

She's television generation.

She learned life from Bugs Bunny.

The only reality she knows

comes to her over the TV set.

She's very carefully devised

a number of scenarios...

...for all of us to play,

like the Movie of the Week.

My God, look at us, Louise.

Here we are going through

the obligatory middle of Act 2...

...scorned-wife-throws

peccant-husband-out scene.

But don't worry,

I'll come back to you in the end.

All of her plot outlines

have me leaving her...

...and coming back to you,

because the audience won't buy...

...a rejection

of the happy American family.

She does have one script

in which I kill myself.

An adapted for television version

of Anna Karenina...

...where she's Count Vronsky

and I'm Anna.

You're in for some dreadful grief, Max.

I know.

The Mao Tse-Tung Hour

went on the air March 14.

It received a 47 share.

The network promptly committed

to 15 shows with an option for 10 more.

There were the usual

contractual difficulties.

"Equal to 20 percent, 20, except that

such percentages shall be 30 percent, 30...

...for 90-minute or longer

television programs."

Have we settled that sublicensing thing?

-No.

-We want a clear definition here.

"Gross proceeds should consist

of all funds the sublicensee receives...

...not merely the net amount remitted after

payment to the sublicensee or distributor."

We're not sitting still for overhead charges

as a cost prior to distribution.

Don't f*** with my distribution costs.

I'm making a lousy 215 per segment.

I'm already deficiting $25,000 a week

with Metro!

I'm paying William Morris

I'm giving this turkey $10,000

and another five to this fruitcake.

Don't start no sh*t

with me about a piece.

I'm paying Metro 20 percent for all foreign

and Canadian distribution after recoupment.

The Communist Party's not gonna see

a nickel until we go into syndication!

Come on, Laureen. The Party's in

for 7500 a week production expenses.

I'm not giving this pseudo-insurrectionary

sectarian a piece of my show.

I'm not giving him script approval. I'm not

cutting him in on my distribution charges.

You f***ing fascist!

Did you see the film we made

of San Marino jail breakout...

...demonstrating the rising up of

the seminal prisoner-class infrastructure?

You can blow the seminal prisoner-class

infrastructure out your ass!

I'm not knocking down

my goddamn distribution charges.

Man, give her the f***ing overhead clause.

How did I get here?

Who's gonna believe this?

I'm sitting here in a goddamn farmhouse

in Encino....

Let's get back to Page 22,

Where are we now?

Page 22, middle of the page.

Subsidiary Rights.

"'Subsidiary rights' means

without limitation any and all rights...."

Over the past two days, you've all had

opportunity to meet Diana Christensen...

...our vice president

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