Never Been Kissed

FADE IN:

CLOSE UP ON A GIRL'S FACE

It's Josie Geller, 25, cute, blonde and scared out of her

wits. We hear the chanting of a crowd.

CROWD:

Josie! Josie! Josie!

JOSIE (V.O.)

You know in some movies how they

have a dream sequence only they

don't tell you it's a dream?

PULL OUT to reveal Josie on pitcher's mound of a--

EXT. A BASEBALL STADIUM -- NIGHT

It's packed. Reporters line the field. All eyes are on

Josie.

JOSIE (V.O.)

This is so not a dream.

The stadium clock sets at 5:00. The crowd goes crazy. Josie

takes a deep, nervous breath and smiles, "Oh God."

INT. ELECTRONICS STORE -- CONTINUOUS

Multiple images of Josie play across rows of TV sets. A

crowd has gathered.

JOSIE (V.O.)

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

I was just trying to do my job.

And then things happened. Well,

life happened. And now I'm here.

EXT. BASEBALL STADIUM -- CONTINUOUS

The clock starts to tick down. The crowd yells again.

JOSIE (V.O.)

Trust me. I am not the kind of

girl who does things like this. I

mean, two months ago you couldn't

have picked me out of a crowd...

INT. CHICAGO SUN TIMES BULLPEN -- DAY

Packed with office workers. Bustling with activity. The

CAMERA searches the CROWD.

JOSIE (V.O.)

Told you. I'm over there.

The CAMERA SWINGS to Josie entering. Rhoda, a young copy

assistant, tails her, pen and paper in hand.

RHODA:

Theater--

JOSIE:

Standard American calls for "er".

Standard British is "re". So go

for "er", unless you're a pompous

American, then go for British.

Josie keeps negotiating the maze, leaving Rhoda in her

wake.

RHODA:

No. Theater. Last night. We were

supposed to go, remember?

Josie stops at a desk where Merkin Burns, officious office

assistant, is talking on the phone. He picks his nose with

abandon as he talks, ignoring Josie.

MERKIN:

(into phone)

No way. No way. No way. Ech, hold

on.

(to Josie)

What.

JOSIE:

Messages?

Merkin removes his finger from his nose and uses it to

pick up a pink message. He holds it out to Josie. Disgusted,

she takes it by one corner.

MERKIN:

(into phone)

Seriously? No way. No way--

Josie's still standing there.

MERKIN:

What?

JOSIE:

Merkin, do you think we could get

some more yellow highlighters? I

checked the box and we're--

Merkin swivels his chair 180 degrees so his back is to

Josie and continues with his phone call.

MERKIN:

(back into phone)

Okay, I'm back, so--

Josie sighs, walks to her door. It's marked with a lopsided

nameplate:
Josie Geller, Copy Editor. She adjusts the plate

so it's perfectly straight.

INT. JOSIE'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS

Josie enters, reads the messsage still gingerly held in

two fingers, and drops it into the trash can. She hangs

her coat squarely on the back of her door, takes five

pencils from her pencil pot, one by one sharpens them in

her pencil sharpener, and then lays them out neatly in a

row. She smiles, satisfied, ready for another day.

Anita Brandt, late 20's, pretty in a semi-unprofessional

way, bursts in, smiling.

ANITA:

Guess who I did it with last

night...

JOSIE:

(duh)

Roger in Op/Ed.

ANITA:

Who told!

JOSIE:

You did. Yesterday you said, and I

quote, "I have a date with Roger

from Op/Ed tonight and I'm going

to do it with him."

ANITA:

Well, that doesn't mean it was

going to happen for sure.

Josie just stares at her.

ANITA:

Once it didn't happen for sure.

Gus Strauss, late 30's, would probably clean up well,

enters. He tosses some copy onto Josie's desk.

GUS:

Computer's down. Septuplets story.

I need it back by five. Hopefully

the copy's not a mess.

JOSIE:

(emphasizing)

It is hoped that it's not a mess.

"Hopefully" is an adverb. It means

"with hope". You have it defining

the copy, and I'm pretty sure the

copy doesn't have feelings.

Gus and Anita just stare at Josie.

JOSIE:

Well, excuse me for caring about

words.

GUS:

(to Anita)

So. You and Roger in Op/Ed.

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