New York Minute

I'm late. I'm late.

Ready for your speech, Ms. Ryan?

Are you sure you're prepared this time?

Are you sure you're not

forgetting anything, Jane?

Sure you're not

forgetting anything, Jane?

Please welcome Jane Ryan.

What?

Just a dream.

Morning, Mom. Miss you.

- Morning.

- Morning, Dad.

I'm up.

I'm up.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my name is Jane Ryan.

My name is Jane Ryan.

My name is Jane Ryan.

Good morning, Justin.

"Simple Plan shoot...

...59th and Ninth, New York City."

- Making sure you're up.

- Yeah, just finishing an essay.

Three weeks into school,

and you haven't cut once. I like it.

Maybe I won't have to send you

to Sister Mary Margaret's after all.

School...

...or Simple Plan video shoot?

I'm here today as a finalist

for the McGill Fellowship.

What excuses shall we

use this time, Ringo?

Ringo? Ringo, where are you?

"Death of a pet, religious holiday...

...female problems." Last week.

"Lllnesses. Chickenpox." Print.

- Perfect.

- Perfect.

Thank you, New York City!

Ringo, there you are.

Did the little mean lady scare you?

Yes, I know she did.

Jane. Why do you insist on playing Mom?

Okay? Dad doesn't have time for breakfast.

Not listening.

- How's it going, guys?

- Hi.

- Your breakfast is on the table.

- Smells great.

Wait.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

You're welcome.

Never, ever touch my day planner.

Okay, you need to chill on the nerd book,

okay? You have issues.

Okay, how frequent are the contractions?

Have them head down to the hospital.

I'll meet them there. Yeah.

- Jane...

- No, Dad, it's fine.

No, it's not fine.

I know this is your big day.

I will do everything I can to get

to Columbia to see your speech.

- I know you will.

- Okay, excuse me.

Jane, sorry, I know this is the biggest day

of your academic career...

...but Dad, will you sign my field-trip

permission form, please?

Shakespeare in the Park?

Great! Which play?

You know, the one with

the girl and the guy...

...love, the tights, hair.

- Romeo and Juliet?

- Yeah! Thank you. I totally blanked.

- I love that play.

- I know. Me too.

- Your mom would have been so proud.

Would you mind giving your sister a lift?

- Not at all.

- It wouldn't kill you to spend time together.

Breakfast was great, but I got to go.

Okay. Well, then, take this, okay?

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Love you.

- Love you too. Good luck.

- I hope you don't get caught.

- I won't.

- Let's get the show on the road.

- Think about a car wash.

You might wanna think

about buying a car.

- I'm saving up for college.

- That makes one of us.

Mind putting on the radio?

- Not at all.

- What is this?

Too cool for school.

Yeah.

Where are we going? We have

...and I can't be late.

We just have to make a pit stop

at my manager's.

Wait, you have a manager?

- Howdy, Rox.

- Hello.

- Come on in.

- Thanks.

Seventy-eight!

- So how's the party?

- It's going great.

We're on a marathon mission.

So I burned you 30. Check it out.

Thanks.

- Why am I on the cover?

- Marketing, baby.

- You're the hottest one in the band.

- Hey, Roxy.

- That's not saying much.

- Here's your all-access pass.

That will get you into the shoot.

Now, remember...

...we've got to hit up the A-and-R guys.

- We gotta get this contract.

- How will I know it's them?

Middle-aged guys, fancy suits...

...bad, old-fashioned dancing.

- Right.

- Got it? All right.

- Yes. Bye.

- Good luck.

- Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, 79!

Who's there?

- Pool guy.

- Pool guy?

You're not the pool guy.

You get to go right to the head

of the class.

Nassau County Department of Truancy.

Pool party's over, Flubber.

Do you want to come over here?

Put your hands behind your head.

On your feet, gentlemen.

Hands up where I can see them.

- Up, up, up!

- What's going on?

You let me do the interrogating, son,

we'll get along fine.

My mom's gonna kill me.

Got six future felons for you, Strauss.

Each one facing five to 10...

Days of detention, Lomax.

- Days of detention.

- Just book them.

"Book them." Would you

give it a rest, Lomax?

You're a truancy officer,

you're not Dirty Harry.

You know, this kind of crud is what

kept you out of the force for 25 years.

I'm on the heels of the number-one truant

in Nassau County...

...and when I find her, and I will find her...

...your boys will be doing back flips

to make sure I'm wearing that badge.

Hey, Einstein, over here.

I feel bad lumping you in there

with those other losers...

...because you strike me as being a...

I don't know, a smart kid.

I see a big future here.

I look at this face,

I see a surgeon general.

I see a Supreme Court judge.

Do you have any idea what a 10-day

suspension will look like on your record?

You'll be lucky to be accepted

to the Acme School of Welding.

Now...

...do yourself a favor.

Where can I find Roxanne Ryan?

You can give me

all the detention you like.

But if there's something I'm not,

that's a rat.

Fine. Suit yourself.

- Car, car! Look out!

- Hold on.

What's the matter with you?!

- Nice park.

- Thanks.

Excuse me, could you just not?

Okay, speech at 3.

Perfect. Okay...

You can't sit here. I need quiet.

Chill. You won't even know I'm here.

I'm close to winning the fellowship.

I've worked my whole life for this.

What is this stupid thing, anyway?

This stupid thing is a four-year

scholarship to Oxford University.

Oxford?

- As in England?

- No, Oxford, as in nowhere near you.

- Maybe you would like to switch seats...

- No!

Yeah.

- Why Oxford?

- Why are you even here?

Because Simple Plan's shooting

their new music video.

So I'll canvass the A-and-R guys,

give them my demo...

...and hopefully be the new opening act.

Great. There'll be lots of concerts

at Sister Mary Margaret's.

How's the school gonna know?

As far as they're concerned,

I'm home with the chicken...

Chickenpox.

Chickenpox, my Aunt Fanny.

Who is it?

It's Savitsky, your landlord.

You're two weeks late on rent.

Mr. Savitsky,

can we deal with this later...

...because I'm working on a very big

case right now. I'm busy.

- You're dizzy? You should lie down.

- I said, I'm busy!

So get busy writing a check,

Lomax! Jeez.

Where have you gone, Miss Ryan?

Where have you gone?

Well, your simple plan's about to get a bit

more complicated, Roxanne Ryan.

All right, open up.

Can you believe this?

- I'm sorry.

- All right, Roxy Ryan!

- Oh, my God!

- It's okay!

- I'm so sorry!

- What are you...? Stop that!

- I'm sorry.

- What are you, a couple of monsters?

Tickets. Tickets, please.

Please have your tickets ready.

Tickets, please. I'm not doing

this for my health. Thank you.

- I suppose you'll need some money?

- No. I can manage on my own.

- Hello?

- Tickets. Very nice.

Tickets, please.

- Oh, my...

- I'm in hell.

- I'm sorry.

- What are you looking at? Stop looking!

I said I was...

Ticket.

Hi.

We are so over! Over!

Shoot.

Oh, very funny.

- Excuse me?

- No ticket, no ride.

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