New York Minute Page #2

- I have a ticket. Give me a minute.

- Let's see it. Come on.

That was my twin sister you just threw off.

Right there.

Oh, yeah. The phantom twin sister.

I'm scared. Hold me.

Do I look that stupid to you?

Do you want me to answer that?

- I have a ticket! It's in my purse!

- Let's go. Come on.

Step away from the train.

- God, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- Sorry.

- It's okay.

Here, just give me a sec, okay? One sec.

Okay. If you can't get it out,

I'll just take my skirt off.

Did I just say that out loud?

Yeah, you did.

- Man, you're really stuck, you know that?

- Yeah.

All right, on the count of three.

One, two, three.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Hey, it looks nice.

Thanks.

All aboard! If you have a ticket.

I gotta go.

- Okay.

- I'll see you.

Hopefully.

- Bye.

- Bye.

The ripped look? It's so two minutes ago.

Stay away from me.

According to this schedule, it says there

should be another train in 43 minutes.

Not today there isn't. Track construction.

- Next train for New York leaves in 3 hours.

- You've got to be kidding me.

- Taxi!

- Hey!

Taxi!

Nice move.

There you are.

Here I am.

All of the taxis are gone.

And you need a ride.

I give you ride.

- No.

- I give you free ride.

No. I don't take rides from strangers.

But I got a limo. Big, long, white one

like Barbie ride in.

I don't believe you. It says it right here.

There's gonna be another train.

How could I forget?

It's the magic-leprechaun train.

It leaves for New York whenever you want.

Powered by your imagination.

- Jane!

- I'm sorry, is someone talking?

Because I don't hear anyone.

I just wanna let you know I have a limo

if you're looking for a ride.

Don't worry,

it's a professional car service.

Your attention please, the 9:45 to...

- Thanks.

- Here, let me get your bag.

- No, it's okay. I got it.

- But I insist.

No, it's okay. I insist.

Wait for me.

My personal assistant.

I'd be lost without her.

My name's Bennie.

You and her going same place?

"You and she." The correct grammar is "she."

See, you're using the wrong possessive...

Smarty pants.

You've reached the Ryan residence.

Leave your message after the beep.

Yeah, Dr. Ryan, this is Max Lomax...

...Nassau County Department of Truancy.

I'm calling in regard to

your daughter Roxanne.

Could you call me at 993-1176...

...and reference case number

Have a pleasant day.

How's it going?

How you doing?

Stop it.

- Roxy, please. I can't concentrate.

- What's up?

Please stop.

Get me Ma.

It's number-one adopted son.

Bennie? You said you be here by 9 a.m.

That was 20 minutes ago.

I need that chip.

Bennie will be there soon, Ma.

Bennie, either you talk in Chinese

or you speak in English.

But enough with the accent.

- I'm sorry, Ma.

- Don't call me Ma.

From 9 to 5, you're my number-one

killing machine.

Yes, I'm your killing machine, Ma.

Bye, Ma.

Kids.

Hey, bud? Are you lost?

Ancient Chinese proverb:

Never accept ride from stranger!

- Help! Help us!

- Help!

- Help! He's gonna kill us!

- Help!

Come on! Hurry!

Okay, let's go! Come on.

Thank you.

- Why is he after us?

- Go!

- I think we lost him.

- There you are.

- You speak Chinese?

- There's a lot you don't know about me.

- Give me that!

- Hey, buster!

Bring it on, tubby.

I didn't know you took jujitsu.

- Tae kwon do.

- Thanks.

Two times a week.

Three years.

- Now I'm mad.

- What are you...?

- That hurt.

- Here we go.

Yeah!

I'm gonna kill you!

That's what we get for

taking a ride from a stranger.

- Please. It was exciting.

- Exciting?

Almost being mugged and getting stuck

in the middle of nowhere is not exciting.

Now what?

These were my best heels.

Give me the other one.

Give me the shoe. Please. Thank you.

Now they're your best flats.

Either of you ladies spare some change?

- Oh, yeah, here.

- You're feeding this poor man's disease.

- Just let him have the dollar.

- Buy him a snack, like a granola bar.

Thanks. I got a dollar!

That is not just a cherry Slurpee.

I smell alcohol. Please don't freak.

Or not.

Yes!

Now we're cooking with gas.

Out of the way, suckers.

Come on, folks. Police emergency.

Come on!

Back up, people. Clear the street.

You call this respect for the law?

I look like a duck waddling

in these shoes.

DVD.

Very cheap. Need Holiday.

Wait!

Great. Just great.

- Can I use your restroom?

- Bathroom is for customer only.

Down the aisle to the left.

She has her whole life ahead of her.

She should not be drinking.

That's what I keep telling her.

You've reached the Ryan residence.

Leave your message...

You have one new message.

Yeah, Dr. Ryan, this is Max Lomax...

...Nassau County Department of Truancy.

- Correction, this was Max Lomax.

- These for now, those for later.

- Very hungry for a small person.

- Thirsty too? Okay.

- Red Bull.

- You'll never pull it off.

- Never?

- Not today. Not tomorrow.

- So no.

I like the yellow one better.

Really?

What did you do, fall in?

Cash or charge?

I need some money.

Total amount is 47.24.

Oh, my God! My day planner!

I must have left it in the limo! My life is in

it! My speech, my credit cards, my money!

So I don't suppose I could start a tab?

Tab is for valid customers only.

Thank you. Don't come again.

This is all your fault.

How's it my fault you left

the book in the limo?

It's your fault I was even in the limo.

I can't even function

without my day planner.

I'm trying to think of a reason

to keep on living.

Still trying. Still trying.

- You need to chill. You just need to relax.

- Relax?

How am I supposed to relax?

My relaxation tapes are in my day planner!

- Snap out of it!

- Don't hit me.

Listen. Okay, your speech doesn't start until

- Four and a half.

- Same thing.

Roxy, spontaneity doesn't just happen.

You have to get there and rehearse.

Besides, where am I gonna

get cleaned up?

I have a plan.

Checking in, ladies?

- We're with the band.

- Yeah.

- Well, then.

- I'm Paris, this is Nicky.

Welcome, Paris.

- How could you let them go?

- Well, they're very smart.

- One of them even spoke Chinese.

- I don't care.

What's so important

about this stupid chip?

That stupid chip contains millions of dollars

in pirated music.

Pirate music? You mean:

Bennie!

Okay. I know what you mean.

I was just kidding.

We send chip to Hong Kong...

...they transfer it from chip

onto compact disk.

They sell pirated copies,

and we make millions.

Okay, I understand.

I'll get the chip back

and restore honor to family.

After all, I am your

number-one adopted son.

Get chip, make compact disk,

sell to teenagers.

What are we doing here?

Watch and learn.

I'd love to.

But I'm presenting an award this afternoon.

You know that.

Carey, come. Hurry, hurry.

Now!

This is your plan?

Yep. And a pretty good one.

Breaking into a hotel room is exactly how

Nixon went down. I'm not going in there.

Not going in there.

I'm not going in there.

Okay, I'm going in there.

Okay, I'm just going to get cleaned up,

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