New York Minute Page #4

where punk-rock group Simple Plan...

...is shooting their latest music video.

- A little louder!

Nice. Get ready. Welcome, Simple Plan!

What's up, New York City?

Old-school dance moves.

Hi. Please give it a listen.

Our contact info's inside.

- Nice packaging. Let's take a look.

- Thanks.

Hello, Miss Ryan.

So nice to finally meet you face to face.

It's been quite a chase

all these years, huh?

One not without a few clever maneuvers

on your part...

...but here we are.

- You know what? I'm tired of running.

- I'll go quietly.

- I don't use handcuffs, Miss Ryan.

- Just brains.

- But before we go, Mr. Lomax...

- Yeah?

- Check your fly.

What's that?

- I have to get by.

- Where do you think you're going?

You may want to check your fly.

Roxy!

Hey, man, what's up?

It's Lomax.

Everybody, jump. Jump!

Roxy!

- Lomax!

- Lomax?

Lomax?

- We're trapped.

- Take my hand.

Roxy?

Roxy!

Has everybody washed their hands?

I'm next!

That's gotta hurt.

Sorry about that. Sorry. Excuse me.

I'm sorry, guys. Excuse me.

I'm looking for two girls and this little dog

that just ran out of here.

- Did you see where they went?

- I did.

- They went to the Simple Plan after-party.

- Great.

You know, I'm going there now.

I drive all the VIPs.

- I could give you a ride.

- Yeah? Thanks, man.

Thanks.

- This Lomax guy is crazy.

- I know.

Okay.

- Let's hide in the tent.

- Okay.

Cover up the manhole. We're done here.

Give me a hand!

The climactic event

of my academic career is in two hours.

And I'm drenched with a dog

in a sewer. Yeah.

No. See, we're in luck.

It's just the water main.

- I'm just trying to look on the bright side.

- Bright side? There is no bright side.

Well, I don't know. I was thinking that...

That what?

We haven't spent

the day together in years.

And today has made me realize

how much I've missed that.

And I don't know, I was having fun.

And you were too, because I saw

the smile on your face...

...when we were crowd surfing.

- I was acting for the cameras.

- Just a little bit.

Okay, so maybe it was a little fun.

- What's with that Lomax guy?

- He's the truant officer.

He's been after me for years,

but I outsmart him every time.

What can I say?

You're insane. You know that?

Yeah. I know.

You okay, buddy?

Yeah, I'm doing just fine,

Sherlock. Yourself?

Wife and kids? Think it'll rain?

How about those Mets?

Are we through chitchatting?

Tell me where this sewer pipe leads?

Well, that one there comes directly

from the main line on 125th.

Only way in or out.

- How's the patient?

- She should've gone for the C-section.

I'm gonna miss my daughter's speech

at Columbia.

She's gonna be so disappointed.

I hope she's okay.

The unpublicized event has drawn

quite a crowd here today.

Come on, move off the road. Please?

Hi, it's Jane. Leave a message.

Jane. Hey, it's Jim.

The guy that ripped your skirt

and pummeled you with his bike.

Sorry about that.

Anyway, I was just calling

to make sure you're okay.

So...

I'll keep looking for you.

I'm gonna make it up to you. All right?

See you.

We need to get out of here.

This thing is never-ending.

Wait a sec. Columbia's

on 116th Street, right?

Right.

I got you nine blocks away.

She can't get a date

because she sounds fat...

What's up with this fool?

White people are crazy.

Roxy, Columbia's on the West Side.

- Here we are. Let's find a subway.

- Let's ask the House of Bling.

Good idea.

- Can I help you?

- We are so not in Kansas anymore.

We're from the gas company.

- No gas here. Okay.

- Hold it.

I can't have anyone seeing you leave

my store looking like that.

- Mickey, show them out the back way.

- Okay, Ma.

Oh, come on.

- What? What is it?

- It's 1:
13.

It's 1:
13. I'm never gonna make it.

What's wrong with that girl?

- She doesn't do well under pressure.

- Oh, my God! I'm having a heart attack!

- Call 991. Call 991.

- Breathe.

Call 991! 991?

Stay calm!

Thank you. I'm not thirsty.

It's okay. Breathe. Breathe. Deep breaths.

Happy thoughts. Sing with me, okay?

- You okay?

- Works every time.

Dang, what's that all about?

In two hours, I'm supposed to make

the most important speech of my life.

It's been a rough day.

Sweetheart, if it was all smooth sailing,

you know where we'd be?

- Bored to tears, that's what.

- Amen.

Take this sister over here.

Come here, baby.

Good. It's the curve balls

that make life interesting.

Shows us what we're made of.

And sometimes, if we're real lucky...

...there's a blessing waiting for us

at the end of that wrong turn.

Well, what if there's been

about 50 wrong turns?

That last wrong turn brought you

in here, didn't it?

So prepare to be blessed.

Mickey. Bring me my toolbox.

We got some major bling to do.

- Who's Major Bling?

- Honey, this is Big Shirl's House of Bling.

This is where the bling is born.

This is where bling lives.

You got nothing to worry about.

Just so we're clear,

I'd like a more corporate bling.

Boy, you is filthy.

What am I gonna do with you?

Boyfriend. Well, you girlfriend now.

New York Knicks, baby! New York Knicks!

- You look so hot.

- I feel hot.

Sisters got some sister in them!

Y'all good to go.

- Thank you so much.

- Oh, you're welcome.

- I promise we'll pay you back.

- Honey, it's on the house.

- Thank you.

- Bye-bye.

- Good luck.

- Thanks.

- All right.

- I think I can pull this off.

Hello? Oh, it's for you.

Hello? Jane Ryan speaking.

I have your boyfriend.

- I don't have a boyfriend.

- Then I have your sister's boyfriend.

My sister doesn't

have a boyfriend, either.

Okay, look. Whatever.

I'm through with being Mr. Softy.

You meet me in Times Square

at corner of 47th and Broadway...

...in 20 minutes,

or else I will burn your book.

He's gonna burn my book.

He's not gonna burn your book.

That's censorship.

- We have to go.

- Well, let's go.

We need a ride, Big Shirl.

- Mickey, get your cab.

- Not now, Ma.

- Around the corner.

- Thank you!

- Be careful. All right. See you.

- Roxanne Ryan. Cease and desist!

Who's that cracker?

I don't know.

He ain't from around here.

Hurry, get in the car!

Okay.

Jane, start the car.

I'm not exactly a strong driver.

Step out of the car, Ryan. It's all over.

- What do I do?

- Brake, left. Gas, right. Go!

Watch out for the guy!

- Slow down!

- Sorry!

- Braking. Red.

- I know.

Stop!

Nassau County Department of Truancy.

I'm taking over your vehicle.

- Okey-dokey.

- What fun.

Tim Brooger. My wife, Steffi.

- Pleased to meet you.

- Buckle up. Could be bumpy.

How you got your driver's license

is beyond me.

You didn't? You failed your driver's test?

That's incredible.

I got 100 percent on the written.

I just didn't quite pass the driving part.

- Are we gonna be in a car chase?

- Don't tell me.

- We've never been in a car chase.

- No, sir. Not one.

- Seen them on TV.

- I think New York has the best car chases.

- Oh, shoot...

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