Next Friday Page #3

INT. HOUSE

Craig waves back, but something ain't right. Uncle Elroy

steps in with SUGA (39), his nymphomaniac girlfriend. She's

wearing a sexy nightie that's a size too small.

UNCLE ELROY:

Craig, I want you to meet my old lady,

Suga. Suga, this is Craig.

SUGA:

Oooh, ba-by!

She gives Craig a big, juicy hug and kiss, grabbing his ass

in the process.

SUGA (cont'd)

(hugging and grabbing)

You even cuter than your baby pictures.

CRAIG:

Thank you.

SUGA:

(whispering in Craig's ear)

You know, I'mma be your new auntie. We

can keep it all in the family if you want

to.

Uncle Elroy un-hugs them.

UNCLE ELROY:

Okay, okay, that's enough. Go put on

some damn clothes.

SUGA:

(pouting)

Elroy.

UNCLE ELROY:

Suga. Go ahead and get us something to

smoke on.

SUGA:

Okay.

(winking)

Bye, Craig.

CRAIG:

Nice to meet you.

Suga walks out.

UNCLE ELROY:

Man, that girl's gonna kill me one day.

Viagra ain't working. My back keep going

out... she don't never get enough. But

check this out. I got to lay some ground

rules.

(gets closer to Craig)

Your my family and I love you. You're

welcome to anything you want in my home.

But I don't wanna catch you in the

refrigerator or in my Suga bowl... you

feel me knocking?

CRAIG:

Yeah.

UNCLE ELROY:

Well, let me in.

CRAIG:

Uncle Elroy, who's that girl by Day-Day's

car?

He looks.

UNCLE ELROY:

Oh, that's D'Wana. His ex.

(yelling upstairs)

Day-Day, the crazy b*tch is back!

Day-Day runs down the stairs to get a look. He's holding a

piece of paper.

DAY-DAY

Aw, naw.

He runs out the door.

EXT. HOUSE

D'Wana continues her job. Day-Day storms over, waving the

paper.

DAY-DAY

Girl, you supposed to be 1000 feet from

my house. What you doing over here?

D'WANA

What it look like I'm doing? You can't

quit me, I'm pregnant!

DAY-DAY

That ain't my baby!

Day-Day spots the damage. He loses it.

DAY-DAY (cont'd)

(in disbelief)

Oh, my God! What you doing?!

Now he's a madman.

DAY-DAY (cont'd)

B*tch! You keyed my car! I'mma kill

you!

Day-Day charges D'Wana. She has her pepper spray ready.

D'WANA

I got your b*tch right here.

D'Wana sprays his face orange. He stops in his tracks; grabs

his eyes and screams like a woman.

DAY-DAY

Awwwww ....

(staggering)

Awwwww ....

D'WANA

I expect you to return all phone calls

and take me to lunch today. I'll be back

out here on my break. Nobody quits me.

D'Wana runs to her car. She speeds off. Uncle Elroy goes

for the water hose. Craig grabs Day-Day.

DAY-DAY

I can't see! I can't see! Daddy!

CRAIG:

Lay down, Day-Day. Stop moving.

Craig puts him on the grass.

DAY-DAY

She pepper-sprayed me, man! She pepper-

sprayed me!

CRAIG:

I know, be still.

Before he can say another word, Uncle Elroy nearly drowns him

with the water hose.

UNCLE ELROY:

Boy, you got you a little fatal

attraction, huh? I had two or three of

them in my day.

Day-Day is drowning.

UNCLE ELROY (cont'd)

Craig, I hope you know how to deal with

women better than this fool.

Craig moves the hose.

CRAIG:

That's too much water.

Now Day-Day is blind and choking.

UNCLE ELROY:

Help him to his feet. Let's get him to

the bathroom.

They get him up and into the house.

INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

They rush Day-Day into the shower.

DAY-DAY

(confused)

Hold on. What you doing?

Uncle Elroy turns on the cold water. Day-Day screams. He

tries to get out. They push him back in.

UNCLE ELROY:

Wet your eyes, boy. Stay in there for

about 20 minutes.

DAY-DAY

20 minutes?

UNCLE ELROY:

Yeah, 20 minutes. Trust me. I've been

pepper sprayed nine times. 20 minutes.

Uncle Elroy slams the door. Day-Day stands in the shower

fully dressed and soaking wet.

UNCLE ELROY (cont'd)

Let me show you my back yard. You know

it's bigger than y'all back yard.

They exit, leaving Day-Day in the shower.

EXT. ELROY'S BACK YARD - CONTINUOUS

Uncle Elroy and Craig start to walk around the back yard. In

the B.G., we NOTICE giant weed plants everywhere.

UNCLE ELROY:

Yeah, you gotta have a little money to

live out here, Craig. I never thought

I'd be the kinda nigga to move to the

suburbs. But as soon as I got my check,

I was gone. Paid 230 thousand dollars

cash on this house.

CRAIG:

You paid cash?

UNCLE ELROY:

Cash money. They wasn't gonna stick me

with no 30-year payment plan. That's for

suckas. They got my daddy like that for

a Cadillac years ago. I got the only

house on the block that's paid for.

That's why I'm the king around here.

They walk over to the pool.

UNCLE ELROY (cont'd)

You like that pool?

It's half-full with dirty water. An upside-down lawn chair

floats in it.

CRAIG:

It's cool, but where's the water?

UNCLE ELROY:

Don't need water. We didn't have no pool

in the projects...so none of us swim.

CRAIG:

Y'all never use it?

UNCLE ELROY:

Never...

(humping the air)

But me and Suga can get real nasty in

that Jacuzzi, though.

The Jacuzzi water has a purple condom floating in it. Uncle

Elroy reaches over and picks it out.

UNCLE ELROY (cont'd)

(shaking the water off the

condom)

You welcome get in it anytime you want

to. Sh*t, you my brother's son.

CRAIG:

That's okay, Unc. I can't swim, either.

UNCLE ELROY:

Good.

EXT. CRACK HOUSE - MORNING

A run-down crack house sits alone in the middle of the block.

It looks deserted with chipped paint, overgrown grass and

security bars everywhere. Inside we can hear a FIGHT in

progress.

CRACK DEALER (O.S.)

Ezal, I'm sick of you coming around here

wit no money.

Suddenly the door flies open and Ezal comes flying out on his

ass.

EZAL:

I be damned.

He gets up and brushes himself off. He heads back into the

crack house.

EZAL (cont'd)

Now look here, man. I'mma preferred

customer and I can take my credit card

somewhere else.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Ezal is roughed up some more and

flies through the picture window. GLASS rains down.

EZAL (cont'd)

Oh, my neck, oh, my back. Man, I quit!

I'm retired! Officially! Life shouldn't

be this hard for a crackhead!

Ezal lays there in pain. Out of nowhere, a bicycle comes

INTO FRAME. Ezal looks up at the rider. It's Debo.

DEBO:

Where did Craig move to?

EZAL:

I don't know, Debo.

Debo rolls on top of him with the front tire. Ezal is

smashed and in more pain.

DEBO:

What you say?

EZAL:

(hurting)

He moved out to Rancho Cucamonga with his

cousin Day-Day.

DEBO:

Rancho Cucamonga?

EZAL:

Yeah.

Debo thinks about it.

EZAL (cont'd)

I can't breathe.

He rolls off of Ezal. Relief.

DEBO:

Get on.

EZAL:

Man, we can't ride to Rancho Cucamonga on

that.

DEBO:

Get on!

Ezal hops on the handlebars quick. They start to ride off.

EZAL:

Just don't go over the curb.

Debo rides over the curb and into the street. The journey

begins.

EZAL (cont'd)

Watch my balls!

INT. DAY-DAY'S ROOM - MORNING

Day-Day's room is junky. Clothes are everywhere. He's

putting on his Pinky's Records and Disc T-shirt. Craig comes

in.

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