Next Friday Page #5

UNCLE ELROY (cont'd)

(still coughing)

It's the Bombay.

Craig takes the blunt and puts it up to his lips. He hits

it, holds it in and looks at Suga. Suddenly, his eyes bulge

out and he starts to toke, and toke, and toke, and toke. He

starts to cough out of control and he falls next to Uncle

Elroy who's still coughing. Craig passes the blunt to Suga,

who looks at it for a moment and then looks directly INTO the

CAMERA. (As if to say, "Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.").

INT. UNCLE ELROY'S HOUSE - 15 MINUTES LATER

All three are passed out on the couch. Uncle Elroy is

snoring with a little slobber hanging. Craig's knocked out

with his mouth open. Suga's head is not secure and she's

starting to bob. She bobs so hard that her head falls in

Craig's lap. He wakes up and looks down.

CRAIG:

Suga.

He looks over at Uncle Elroy who's looking over at him.

UNCLE ELROY:

Negro, what the hell you doing to my

woman?

CRAIG:

(confused and dazed)

I don't know!

UNCLE ELROY:

Suga!

SUGA:

(face in lap)

Huh?

UNCLE ELROY:

What you doing to my nephew?

SUGA:

(lifting her head)

Ah, baby...I thought this was you.

(to Craig)

Craig, what are you doing to me?

CRAIG:

I don't know, I think I passed out or

something. I don't remember.

UNCLE ELROY:

Passed out? Can't hang, huh? Boy, I

knew you was a lightweight. Passed out

on one funky ass blunt. They don't make

'em like they used to, baby.

Uncle Elroy staggers to his feet.

UNCLE ELROY (cont'd)

Come on, woman. I'm faded and feeling X-

rated. It's Mr. Nasty time.

SUGA:

Mr. Nasty time?

UNCLE ELROY:

Mr. Nasty time.

(grabbing his back)

But take it easy on me, girl.

SUGA:

Craig, you ain't the only lightweight

around here.

Suga takes Elroy's hand.

UNCLE ELROY:

Make yourself at home.

They both stumble upstairs leaving Craig all alone. It's too

quiet now. He grabs the remote and TURNS ON the TV. Flicks

a few channels. He picks up the blunt and the lighter.

ON TV:

A public service announcement from King/Drew Rehab Center.

It's SMOKEY!

SMOKEY (V.O.)

Hi, my name is Smokey. And I'm a bud-

head. But here at the King/Drew Rehab

Center, they help you curve your crave

for marijuana but still let you get your

drank on.

He lifts a 22 oz. bottle of Olde English.

SMOKEY (cont'd) (V.O.)

It's too hard to stop everything all at

once. So some days they let you smoke,

but not drank. And other days you can

drank, but not smoke. And if you're

really making progress, the nurses will

get f***ed up wit you. Helping you kick

the habit by smoking up all yo sh*t. So

come down to the King/Drew Rehab Center

and put down the joint, but B.Y.O.B.,

man!

BACK ON COUCH:

Craig is high. He's looking at the TV with a slight smile on

his face. It seems like the walls are shaking. He looks

over at Suga's glass and her wine is vibrating, like Jurassic

Park. Plaster falls from the ceiling. He listens, it's

Uncle Elroy and Suga making love.

UNCLE ELROY (O.S.)

Oh, baby, right there. Right

there...bite the nipple, baby. Bite it!

Bite it! Yeah, mothafucka -- yeah, come

on, baby, get busy...

His eavesdropping is interrupted by a loud KNOCK on the door.

Craig is so comfortable, he doesn't want to move. The

KNOCKING gets LOUDER.

DELIVERY GUY (O.S.)

Delivery!

CRAIG:

Hold on.

Craig gets up slowly and starts to clean the area. The

KNOCKING CONTINUES.

DELIVERY GUY (O.S.)

Delivery!

CRAIG:

I said hold on!

DELIVERY GUY (O.S.)

Could you hurry up, please... it's kinda

hot out here.

Craig stops what he's doing and swings the door open.

ON PORCH:

The DELIVERY GUY, a thirtysomething a**hole with tight shorts

and a buzz cut, is looking into the house.

CRAIG:

Can I help you?

DELIVERY GUY:

Nice house. Didn't expect you to answer.

You must be one of those entertainers.

What team you play for?

CRAIG:

I don't play for no team.

DELIVERY GUY:

Come on, jerky, you can tell me. Got a

white wife, huh? Blonde bombshell type.

Remember what happen to O.J... what team

do you play for? You're not related to

the Jacksons, are you?

CRAIG:

(in his face)

Naw, I play for the Chocamunga Cracker

Killers. You want tickets?

DELIVERY GUY:

Okay, buddy. Don't send your entourage

out here to do a 187 on me. It's just a

certified mail delivery.

He hands Craig a letter.

DELIVERY GUY (cont'd)

Sign here.

Craig signs.

CRAIG:

What is it?

DELIVERY GUY:

Delinquent Property Tax Notice... I hope

the Cracker Killers pay well 'cause if

not, back to the ghetto you go. Wife

stays here, of course.

He laughs and walks off singing the "Good Times" jingle.

DELIVERY GUY (cont'd)

'...temporary layoffs? Good

Times...hustling and surviving... Good

Times...ain't we lucky we got'em...' Oh

sh*t!

Cheeco starts to chase him down the street. Craig looks at

the notice. "DELINQUENT! YOUR HOUSE WILL BE SEIZED AND

AUCTIONED -- TOMORROW AT 9AM PAY TODAY!"

CRAIG:

Oh damn.

He SLAMS the DOOR. We FOLLOW Craig upstairs TO Uncle Elroy's

room. He knocks softly.

CRAIG (cont'd)

Uncle Elroy?

No answer.

CRAIG (cont'd)

Uncle Elroy, you got a tax notice.

Still no answer. He turns the knob. It's open.

INT. UNCLE ELROY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Craig steps into Uncle Elroy's freak palace. Black lights,

candles, velvet posters - the works. There's even a leather

f*** swing hanging from the ceiling. Uncle Elroy and Suga

are asleep in a leopard-skin waterbed. Craig is amazed. He

slowly walks over to the bed. Uncle Elroy is calling the

hogs. Snoring.

CRAIG:

(whispering)

Uncle Elroy...Uncle Elroy?

He's about to shake him when Uncle Elroy lets out a big

grunt. It startles Craig. He looks over at Suga. She's

completely under the covers. Uncle Elroy rolls over on his

stomach, then he rolls on his back again. Craig shakes him.

CRAIG (cont'd)

Uncle Elroy, wake up. You got a letter

today.

No response. Craig tries again.

CRAIG (cont'd)

Unc.

Uncle Elroy jumps up like a hibernating grizzly.

UNCLE ELROY:

(half asleep)

Come on here, Suga...

He goes after Craig, who has to fight him off.

UNCLE ELROY (cont'd)

I like it rough now.

CRAIG:

Naw, naw! Unc, wake up! It's me! Wake

up!

Uncle Elroy grabs him in a bear hug and slams him on the bed.

Craig finds himself caught between Suga and Uncle Elroy, but

now everything is totally still and quiet. Uncle Elroy

starts to snore again. He's asleep. The coast is clear now.

Craig tries to make his escape. He crawls over Suga to get

away. She grabs him and starts to kiss him.

SUGA:

(half asleep)

Ohhh, baby!

Craig breaks away and tries to hurry out the room. On his

exit, he hangs himself on the "f*** swing" and hits the floor

with a thud. He scrambles to his feet, then he's out of

there. Uncle Elroy and Suga lay asleep as if nothing ever

happened.

IN HALLWAY:

Craig tries to gain his composure. He gets an idea.

EXT. BUSY CITY STREET - AFTERNOON

Debo is riding Ezal on the handlebars.

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