Night of the Living Deb Page #8

Are you living your dream?

I want to be a personal life coach.

So, yes.

Well played, sir.

Okay!

You know, I'm going to clean up.

I can't make my broadcast debut

with a scrunchie in my hair.

- Okay. I'll be here. Hurry.

- Okay.

Deb, are you all...

..right?

What do you think?

Is this okay for camera?

It's... er...

You're perfect.

I raided the Weather girl's locker.

Are you ready?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

This is how I always see them do it.

In five, four...

Three...

Good afternoon. I'm Deb Clarington.

It was an Independence Day for the ages,

as a bizarre disease ran ram pant

through this normally peaceful

seaside com m unity yesterday.

Homes were destroyed,

countless family members lost

and thousands left to wander,

in search of the only thing that would

quench their now insatiable appetites -

live human flesh.

Unbelievable? Maybe.

It certainly would be easier to swallow

the cover-up story about a radiation leak.

Indeed, for all we know, there are only two souls

left uninfected in this once-happy hamlet.

Is it worth sending people in to save a fledgling

newscaster and her cameraman life coach?

Two days ago, I might have said no.

But then another story broke.

This one easier to believe for most,

but for this reporter,

it's the headline of the decade -

woman falls in love.

Sure it happens every day,

all over the world, but not to me.

Maybe a crisis like we have here

speeds things up a bit, but...

I don't think it can create

something from nothing.

And even though this person

may not return my affections -

and... I am really not fishing here -

it's okay.

I'll always know, deep down,

that he felt something too.

So I'm Deb Clarington, saying yes,

I think these two are worth saving.

So if you're watching out there, please tell the

authorities to send help to Portland, Maine...

- Aagh! Aaaghl

- No! '

No!

Deb.

Deb, I'm here. Hey!

Listen to me, that's the greatest newscast

anyone's ever seen.

Seriously, you'll probably win

a Peabody or something.

Am I...

better than Brent Masters?

Crazy better.

Wait, crazy,

like I was, like, a crazy person?

Sssh!

Can we get, like, two seconds!

I don't know how long I have left.

Yeah, I guess we've never seen

anyone turn before.

- Listen, Deb.

- Yes.

If you want me to, I could, erm...

I mean, if you Want.

You would shoot me in the head?

Well, I... What?! I thought...

I guess it would be one tap now'?

It was your idea first!

Tonights top story, a bizarre twist regarding

a reported radiation leak in Portland, Maine.

Tonights top story, a bizarre twist regarding

a reported radiation leak in Portland, Maine.

A broadcast, apparently originating

from within the quarantine zone,

went viral on the internet just hours ago,

promoting a lot of people to wonder

what exactly is going on there?

I'm Deb Clarington saying yes,

I think these two are worth saving.

So if you're watching out there, please tell the

authorities to send help to Portland, Maine...

No! No!

911 emergency centre's in several

states report being flooded with calls

in response to the alleged zombie attack,

with some calling to ask

if the video's real,

while many others are concerned

for the safety of these two people.

A background check on Deb Clarington

revealed that she is employed at the station

from which she's broadcasting,

but as a camera-person, not an anchor.

Prior to that, she was employed

at a Lady Footlocker,

until she was let go for staging

an unauthorized sock-puppet production

of Jesus Christ Superstar.

A lot has been said about videos going viral

but, for Deb Clarington, it's like an outbreak.

The hits on her zombie-attack clip

is impressive enough,

but it's the number of her viewers weighing

in and creating their own online videos

that's truly staggering.

As the chairman of the Zombie

Outbreak Authentication Society

I happen to know zombies

and that is not real. H's too tan.

I can tell bad effects work

from a mile away.

This is the real deal, man. It's not bogus.

Oh, that girl is my new hero.

What is going on right now?

Deb, if you're still alive out there,

I want you to know, you are so hot!

They say they're in Maine?

That's not even a real state.

Deb, honey, encouraged by your example, I told

a cc-worker that he is the love of my life.

He's my boss, he's happily married.

So we both agreed it best

that I lack for another job.

Originally, I planned to debunk this vid

using basic physics.

Then I thought about recreating

part of it with some friends.

Those idiots actually

think this thing is real.

Is the video real in your own opinion?

I believe that the woman in the video

believes it's real.

Now, how sure are you?

She exhibits all five signs of a person

who's speaking the truth.

I expound more on this, of course, in my book

The Five Signs Of Truth, which is available...

What the fudge'?!

As night falls on Portland, Maine,

more questions than answers.

Repeated calls to the Governors office from

this station and many others around the country

have gone unanswered, but we will not rest

until we get to the bottom of this situation.

Now how about this hilarious cat video?

Yes, Deb!

You did it! They'll have to investigate

now, they'll just have to.

Well, I'm really happy for you, Ryan.

Let's get real here. We both know in a few

minutes I'll be trying to eat your brains.

Well, the joke's on you then,

cos it will be a small meal.

Really? You are starting to look

so delicious right now.

And you're starting to look like

you've lost a lot of blood.

Does it matter at this point'?

It matters to me. Where's

the first-aid kit'?

I think it's in the break room, but it's

too far unless we go through the studio.

- Then let's go.

- Okay.

No! No, no, no, no.

I have an idea.

Hear me, undead!

This man is a friend to us.

He means us no...

Oh, God! Oh, I regret that.

Ooh!

Oh, that was awesome!

Ladies first.

Oh, wrong Way!

Come on!

Here!

Deb, Deb! Come on, come on,

we've gotta get going.

No! Ryan, it's the end of the line for me.

- Okay, I... I... I'll carry you. Come on.

- Where'?

Listen.

We've had a good run.

But I'm starting to get hungry.

I can really see myself

going to town on your liver.

Your spleen, maybe a couple of pancreas.

Your pancreas is actually singular.

Oh, thank you, Bill Nye.

Ooh! Hey, hey! Stay with me, stay with me!

Ryan, What are you still doing here'?

You could outrun Misty Raines easily.

And now you're bound to end up

like one of us or die a horrible death.

I'd rather take that risk than be

without the people I care about.

The people you...

Oh, you mean me'?! Duh!

I'm the people you care about?

I really wish we'd gotten to watch

the fireworks together on your roof.

That would have been awesome.

But now I'm starving.

Okay, he)'-

Here.

Do What you gotta do.

Thank you.

Got him!

- Hey.

- What's up'?

Deb, right'? We are huge fans.

- Are you good to go'?

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