Night Shift

You're going the wrong way!

Franklin!

What the hell's wrong with you?

You bastard!

You all right?

Who's that?

Your momma!

Franklin, you forgot your coat.

- I'm going to dunk on you.

- You couldn't dunk doughnuts.

A dollar!

You got it.

Step aside, chump.

Pay up, sucker!

Christ!

Do you recognize this man as

Franklin Delano Roosevelt Jones?

What was your...

...relationship with the deceased?

He was my Avon lady.

- Give me a break.

- Give me a break!

You think this is

a thrilling morning for me?

Eat an Egg McMuffin,

look at a dead guy.

Look, honey, I--

I'm not your honey.

It's Belinda.

As a matter of fact,

it's Miss Keaton.

Are you listening to this?

She's a whore.

Hello.

And this guy here was her pimp!

He didn't pay off someone

like he was supposed to...

...so somebody made him

kiss the sidewalk.

Can I close the drawer now?

Sure.

All right. Now can you tell me

who sent him to pimp heaven?

- Sure! Now can you kiss my ass?

- For how much?

Is someone going to pick up Mr. Jones?

We sure could use the space.

You've got it, sport.

Sir, could you sign right here?

Excuse me.

Franklin once told me that

he wanted to be buried in his car.

We don't do that.

You'd probably have to call

the funeral home...

...or the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Don't I know you?

Yeah, I do. I do.

No. I couldn't.

I wouldn't!

I'm engaged.

Here's a picture

of my fiance, Charlotte.

The picture doesn't do her justice.

She's suffering from water buildup.

I thought I knew you.

A lot of guys have my face.

This is my mom.

- You okay, Chuck?

- Thanks for waiting.

I'm taking off.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Good night.

Hi, Mr. Carboni.

Ain't you going home?

Hector's an hour late.

It's seven o'clock.

- Hector's been transferred.

- You got a new night man.

Not exactly. Starting tomorrow,

you're on night shift.

Night shift?

I started on night shift.

I'm here 6 years.

I thought I'd get a raise--

Are you going to make trouble?

Are you going to go over my head?

Night shift?

Hey, Chuckie, baby!

Come on!

Night shift's better!

There's no supervisors.

You practically run the place.

You like to read.

It's quiet at night.

- It's quiet during the day.

- Good. It's settled.

See you tomorrow night.

You'll be breaking in a new partner.

Bill something or other.

Mr. Carboni?

Who has my job?

Right here.

It's right on here.

He seems to have

the same last name you do.

I think he's my nephew.

I'll see you, Chuck.

Well, that's just wonderful.

What am I supposed to be doing

every night while you're working?

- I'll be home days.

- I work days.

All normal people work days.

Should I have quit?

Want me to go--

Why ask me? I don't know why

you work there in the first place.

Your mother says you're

a financial wizard.

Why do you listen to my mother?

This is the same woman...

...who goes to a sance every

Friday night since my father died...

...just so she can still yell at him.

How long will you be on there?

Until the wedding.

That's nine months.

Don't you want me to look good?

I think you look good now.

And I think you're

the sweetest man in the world.

Every day!

You're going the wrong way!

You the night guy?

How you doing?

I'm Leonard Carboni.

What a pleasure to meet you, Leonard.

- How was your first day?

- Shitty!

- A lot of paperwork.

- I see.

Uncle Sal said you'd

straighten it out.

Fine.

Jumpin' Jack Flash

How you doing?

I'm Bill Blazejowski.

Call me Billy Blaze.

You must be Chuck.

Nice shoes.

This is all right.

Guess this is where I'll be working.

I'm your new partner.

Swish! They're going crazy

in the arena!

They can't believe it!

Unbelievable!

Great! What's our job?

Drive around and pick up stiffs?

Is that what we're supposed to do?

Who's this? Wife?

Fiance.

Nice frame.

We can make stuff. We can read.

Coffee. This is great!

I like it.

You want to know why

I carry this tape recorder?

It's to tape things.

See...

...I'm an idea man, Chuck.

All right?

I get ideas all day.

I can't control them.

It's like they come charging in.

I can't even fight them

if I wanted to.

So I say them in here.

That way, I never forget them.

Okay, here's an example.

Watch out. Stand back.

This is Bill.

Idea to eliminate garbage.

Edible paper.

Eat it, it's gone.

Eat it, it's out of there.

No garbage.

I got everything in here.

Business ideas, inventions.

I wrote a couple of musicals.

Would you like to see

the rest of the office?

Want a Snickers? It's not frozen,

my refrigerator broke.

I understand.

Where you from?

I'm from Cleveland.

I'm originally from Seattle.

- And this is our lab.

- Yeah, it's nice.

Get this.

I'm living with this chick.

I come home,

I catch her in bed...

...with another girl.

I went, "No!"

I couldn't believe it!

She went lesbo on me, like that.

Unbelievable!

I just finished my dinner.

I walked right out of there.

- What do you think? Was that wrong?

- That's very personal--

What's in here?

Just stiffs and stuff?

No, we call them corpses.

- Can I take a peek?

- Sure.

I think there's one--

This Carboni guy.

Is he our boss?

He's the supervisor.

He's not here at night.

Get out of town!

Just you, me and the stiffs alone?

That's going to be radical!

That guy's dead.

Charlotte?

You've been in there half an hour.

You okay?

I'm fat.

You're not fat.

I'm fat!

This is my one night off.

I look forward to this all week.

Why don't you come to bed?

I just want to lose six more pounds.

Tonight?

Why don't you run into bed?

Maybe you'll lose pounds along the way.

All right, Chuck.

Just don't look at me.

Are the lights out?

Are the lights out?

Could you close the drapes?

Sure.

Could you just check

the apartment?

Why do I have to check

the apartment every time?

Would you, please? If you check

the apartment, then I can relax.

Nobody here.

Are you excited?

Like the French when Lindbergh landed.

Am I fat?

Am I fat?

You're a willow.

You're a reed.

You're Audrey Hepburn.

You're not fat.

That music.

What music?

That music.

What music?

It's just a little loud music.

Well, it bothers me.

You let too many things bother you.

That way you'll never

have an orgas--

Don't you say that word!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Who the hell is that?

Did you knock on that door?

Well?

Mistake.

It's a very big mistake.

Luke, who is it?

Some dwarf.

Thank you.

What's taking so long?

Will he stop playing that awful music?

- We were just getting to that--

- What's she mean, "awful music"?

Awful good.

She meant awful good.

Why don't you go back inside?

I'll be right in.

Go play with your rope.

Don't be long, now.

Sorry.

We'll keep it down, okay?

I knew I recognized you!

Last week, at the morgue.

I knew I recognized you.

I'd probably seen you

in the building when I moved in.

You live here?

But don't worry.

Luke is leaving town

with the rodeo, and I...

...hardly ever do business up here.

What kind of business are they doing?

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