No Deposit, No Return

- Bye, Tracy! Have fun!

- You too. Where you going?

Washington, D.C.

How about you?

Don't know. Someplace.

- Mom hasn't told us yet.

- I'll send you a card!

Bye.

No sign of mother yet, Tracy?

She'll be here, go

Hadley. -Good. Good.

I wouldn't want Easter to be as

disappointing for you as Christmas.

That wasn't mother's

fault, go Hadley.

She was working in Paris, and

they ran into complications.

So I remember.

When a person's a complete

head of a magazine,

A person just can't

ignore complications.

Of course.

Speaking of complications,

where's your brother?

He's at

half-mast. -I see.

He's where? -There.

Jay...

What are you doing up there?

I'm looking for something.

Jay Osborne, come

down here this instant.

I can't. I lost Duster.

Never mind. I found him.

My petunias! Oh!

Jay, it's mother!

Mom.

Miss Murdoch.

Tracy. -Where's mom?

There's been a slight change

of plans. In you go, children.

Without that.

Oh, he's my friend.

I never go anywhere

without Duster.

All right, put him in

the basket and get in.

And roll down all the windows.

Oh, go Hadley. -Good-bye,

Tracy. Have a happy Easter.

You, too, go Hadley, and I

have an Easter present for you.

- It's a handkerchief.

- Well, thank you, Tracy.

- And I got a present too.

- Oh, and thank you, Jay.

Aren't you dears?

Bye. -Bye.

You didn't give

anything dumb, I hope.

Heck, no. It's one of my

most valuable possessions.

But what happened to mother? I thought

she was supposed to get in last night.

I'm afraid your mother's been detained

in Hong Kong for another two weeks.

Hong Kong?

Two weeks? That's

our whole vacation.

Well, naturally, your mother

was terribly disappointed.

This is the third

vacation in a row.

Jay, mom can't help

it. Work is work.

So we spend Easter vacation

at home. That's not so bad.

Not at home, dear. There

won't be anyone there.

You see, it's my vacation,

too, and I'm off to Bermuda.

Bermuda? You're

taking us to Bermuda?

Oh, boy!

TWA flight 802 now

boarding at gate three

For Chicago and Los Angeles.

I don't understand,

miss Murdoch.

What are we doing

here? Seeing you off?

No, I'm seeing you off.

Flight 801 to Los Angeles.

Los Angeles?

We're being shipped to

grandfather Osbornes again!

Grandfather Osbornes. I'd

rather go to jail first.

It's only for Easter

vacation. -Some vacation. Yuck.

Thank you. Off you go now.

I'll send you a nice

postcard from Bermuda.

Bermuda?

You wouldn't like to

exchange tickets, would you?

Nonsense. I'll bet by the

time you get to Los Angeles...

You'll be as glad to see your

grandfather as he is to see you.

Trapped, Jameson,

like a rat in a cage.

Well, it's only for Easter

vacation, Mr. Osborne.

- And it is an emergency.

- An emergency!

An emergency is an

earthquake or a tornado.

My daughter-in-law's children

are a science fiction nightmare.

Oh, please, please.

Be very, very careful with

that. It's worth a fortune.

Perhaps they've matured a bit

since their last visit, sir.

Jameson, when it comes

to Tracy and Jay...

There, there, sir

Winston. There, there.

I intend to leave no

piece of crystal in sight.

No Dresden china

unprotected. Up you go.

But the chandelier.

If I may, sir...

How could the little fellow

possibly reach the chandelier?

The same way he reached it last

year:
With a rocket ship. Up.

The launch was perfect, till

that chandelier got in the way.

And grandfather didn't have to step

on my rocket ship and crunch it.

He just doesn't

understand kids, Jay.

I mean, it's been so

long since he's had any.

He had us last Summer.

I tried, Tracy. I really did.

I even hid my

skateboard in the closet,

So he wouldn't hurt himself.

How did I know it was the

stairway to the wine cellar?

Airborne, Jameson. That

skateboard was like a b-29.

Straight down the stairs. Decimated

a whole case of muto rostio, 1908.

Yes, a lovely year,

1908. Let me see, sir.

Was that before or after the

errant billiard ball episode?

After, but before the bow and

arrow incident. -Oh, yes, yes.

I believe we still have that large

foam rubber cushion, if needed.

Good. And let's make sure

Dr. Butterworth's number

is handy at all times.

Excuse me, Mr. Osborne. Any

place special for the golf clubs?

Oh, yes. Hide

'em in the attic.

Oh, good heavens. Only three

more hours to countdown.

Three hours till doomsday.

Do you think

she's really upset?

Do I think who's really upset?

Well, mother, about not

spending Easter with us.

Of course. She

just can't pick up

In the middle of

her work and leave.

I'll bet she

wants to be with us

Just as much as we

wanna be with her.

Do you think so?

Sure. I'll bet

you mom wants to...

Jay, suppose we didn't

go to grandfather's.

Huh?

Look out!

Sorry, sir. A near miss.

Bert, Bert, will you

please be careful.

All we need is an accident here,

and we're gonna blow the whole caper.

I missed him, Duke. Ain't that

the main thing, missing him?

Yeah, that's the main

thing, all right, Bert. Yeah.

No harm, no foul! It's

okay. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Better he tests them anyway.

Bert, how long are we gonna

follow that truck so closely?

Uh, just while our

bumpers are stuck together.

I'll handle it.

- I'm sorry, Duke.

- It's all right.

I guess I'm a little

nervous. Would you believe it?

I got the whole thing: Sweaty

palms, butterflies in the stomach.

Maybe it's the airport.

You know me and flying.

Bert, w-w-will

you just relax.

Yeah, right.

After all, we're not

goin' up in any airplane.

We're just knockin'

over a safe.

You just worry about the safe

and leave everything else to me.

Everything's gonna

go just great. -Yeah.

The white zone is for

immediate loading and unloading

Of passengers

only. No parking.

Okay. If we go

direct to Honolulu...

And then to Guam,

In 14 hours, we

can be in Hong Kong.

With mother! -Right.

If she can't bring her vacation

to us, we'll bring ours to her.

Boy, you got it

all figured out.

Except for one

small thing. -What?

Where do we get the $1,200 to

pay for the two plane tickets?

How about credit cards?

Everybody uses credit cards.

Jay, we don't have

any credit cards.

Okay. Well, then, let's just

write a check at the bank.

Like mother always does.

Jay, you have to have money

in the bank to begin with.

Well, if you don't

take any of my

suggestions, we'll

never get to Hong Kong.

Two pieces, eight

inches long. -Okay.

Last time out, you cracked one of

these in less than seven minutes.

Remember, Duke?

Guy gets a little

Rusty after five years.

Oh, no. Not you, Duke.

You were the best.

Also the unluckiest.

One thing though:

We never got caught.

We also never got anything.

Every safe we opened up either

contained nonnegotiable bonds,

Last year's lottery

tickets or the mouse trap.

Remember the mouse trap?

It was either a case of

going straight or going broke.

Don't think about it now, Duke.

Just concentrate on why

we're going crooked again.

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