North West Frontier Page #5

- Why not?

- Those nurses, they are not human.

Ooh, you'd be surprised.

She is going too quick, sahib.

The compression is losing.

Good. Victoria talks to me.

I understand her language.

It's just as well because

I can't understand a word she says!

This is ridiculous. It'd be quicker to walk.

There's nothing to stop you walking,

Mr Peters.

I don't know why the British

buy these.

Our models are twice as good.

Twice as good? Oh, you mean

it can kill twice as many people?

Exactly. And twice as fast.

It's an ingenious piece of mechanism.

But this thing...

Won't fire again?

No. Not a hope.

Now this you might call

an ingenious piece of mechanism.

It's a life saver too. Not a life destroyer.

I'm surprised you're a sentimentalist.

Most ruthless men are sentimental.

Me, ruthless? What makes you say that?

The things you write.

Crude sensationalism.

I'm very flattered that you're such

an attentive reader of my work.

Reading newspapers

is like everything else -

one must take the good with the bad,

the informed and the shoddy.

Thank you.

You do an awful lot of harm.

You know that, don't you?

Sometimes I think

you're even inciting violence.

The cure for some diseases

is often violent and painful.

War is like that.

But it's sometimes the only cure.

I'm sorry. I was just quoting

from one of my shoddy articles.

- Is the engine driver still out in the sun?

- Yes.

That wound will dry up superficially,

then heaven knows what will happen.

- When can I drive the engine?

- Later. Tomorrow perhaps.

- Will you ask Captain Scott?

- You ask him yourself.

No, you. He likes you.

Does he now?

You'd better take this out to him.

It might keep the sun off a little.

I'll take it.

(Mrs Wyatt) Captain Scott?

Lady Windham says the driver

must keep out of the sun.

I told you she has everything.

Here you are, Gupta. I hope none

of your fellow engine drivers see this.

No, sahib.

They will be calling me Lady Gupta!

- All set for Henley Regatta.

- Who is Henry Regatta, sahib?

He says, "Who is Henry Regatta?"

It's not a who, Gupta. It's an occasion.

When all the most sahib sahibs

in England get together,

dress up in a lot of silly hats,

and row up and down a river.

That is very funny. Why do they do that?

Why? Why, indeed?

You may well ask. I don't know.

It's one of the things

I joined the army to get away from.

- Pressure's up.

- Oh.

There's an attractive song

that goes with it.

(Hums "Eton Boating Song")

# And a hay harvest breeze

# Blade on the feather

# Shade off the trees

# Swing, swing together

# With your bodies between your knees

# Swing, swing together

# With your bodies between your knees

# Swing, swing together

# With your bodies between your knees #

All together now!

(Both hum)

# Blade on the feather

# Shade off the trees

- # And we'll swing, swing... #

- Mind your business, sahib!

# Harrow may be clever

# Rugby may make more row

# But we'll row, row forever

# Steady from stroke to bow

# And nothing in life shall sever

# The chain that is round us now

# And nothing in life shall sever

# The chain that is round us now #

(Bell tinkles)

- I'll have to stop her.

- No, sahib.

If you stop her now,

she will never start again.

Then we'll give them a short burst

with the maxim as we go through.

If there's anyone there, they'll

know we mean business. Dakhtar Sahd!

Keep down, everybody in the coach!

Kumar! (Speaks Urdu)

(Speaks Urdu)

They made a shambles of this place.

Sahib to please see if they

have not spoilt the well of water

and also if the pump is working.

If it isn't, it's a long walk to Kalapur.

(Speaks Urdu)

It's all right, everybody.

It's quite safe to come down.

Mr Peters, Van Leyden, find some wood

and take it to the pump house.

I'm going to try and light that boiler.

Careful, sahib. Careful.

If I can get the pump to work,

we'll get some water.

But we've got to get it over to the engine,

so if you can all look around for

something to carry it in, it would help.

Oh, Mr Van Leyden.

Unfortunately,

your survival depends on ours,

so, if you don't mind, some wood.

- How are you, Gupta?

- I am not very well, memsahib.

But I will be very well

in a very soon moment now.

You really should be in the coach.

Gupta must stay with his engine till

Scott sahib becomes engine driver.

That will be in a very soon moment.

(Mrs Wyatt) Don't go far, Kishan.

Memsahib, you have first time

come to Gupta's engine.

You must not go back empty-handed.

Gupta must give you something.

Indian custom.

Bucket for water, memsahib.

Thank you. Put it down there.

If this works, we'll get some water.

- And if it doesn't?

- Then we'll stay here until they kill us.

It would be preferable,

then, that it works.

It's all right, I think.

Stand clear of that wheel.

It'll make mincemeat of you.

Come on, old girl.

Good. Outside.

Keep that fire going, Van Leyden.

There it is. Fill your buckets. Kumar!

Dakhtar Sahd! (Speaks Urdu)

Where does the old girl

like to take her drink?

- She drinks up on the roof, sahib.

- Right.

Over here!

Kishan, you're all wet.

Go over there and play.

Thank you, Mr Bridie.

Two more like that and we're away.

- You look surprised.

- I am. To see you working so hard.

Everybody can if they have to.

Is the armament business hard work?

Heavens, no.

People are always fighting each other.

We are the only salesmen who are

actually pursued by our customers.

- I have worked hard at other jobs.

- What other jobs, Mr Peters?

For many years I devoted myself

to marrying a rich woman.

Truly, it's very difficult.

- Did you succeed?

- With my charm? Of course I did.

But it's a funny thing.

A man can keep a woman

but a woman can't keep a man.

Poor Vera, I ended up despising her.

Myself too, come to that.

It wasn't a good job anyway.

Too much hard work.

Kishan!

Stand away from that. What the devil

do you think you're doing?

- You ought to have more sense.

- Don't fuss. I was looking after him.

Come on, back on the train. You too.

All aboard, please! Dakhtar, peechi jao.

- Right, Gupta. Kalapur.

- Kalapur, sahib.

Would you like a drink of water, Gupta?

No water, memsahib. No water.

Try to sleep.

I understand

I will like hospitals after now.

- How's Gupta?

- Not too good.

A bit of a fever. We shouldn't

have let him stay out so long.

- Who's driving the train?

- The gunner.

- Is that safe?

- I think so.

Victoria is most intelligent.

- Whisky?

- Oh, why not?

- Thirst comes when the sun sets.

- How true.

- Whisky?

- No, thank you.

- Oh, come on. Do you good.

- I don't drink.

- What? And you a journalist?

- It's not essential to the job.

No? You surprise me.

Oh, come on. To show we're all friends.

I said no, didn't I?

Mr Van Leyden, are you a Moslem,

by any chance?

Why should you say that?

Because you won't touch alcohol

and this morning you were unwilling

to give Lady Windham her case.

Her pigskin case.

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