Not for Human Consumption

JAY:

No, don't point at me.

UNKNOWN:

Look at this guy

Jay Trotta, ladies and

gentlemen

Yeah!

Hey, you got a chaser?

(coughing)

JAY:

Hey dude, does that smell

familiar to you by any chance?

JAY:

Doesn't that smell a little

bit like your mom?

laughing

MARTY:

Hey, Scooter's got those

purple gel tabs.

JAY:

Yeah?

UNKNOWN:

Purple nurple!

JAY:

Yo man, give us some

Scarface.

JAY:

Gimme a Scarface Cuban

JAY:

Yeah, right there.

coughing

JAY:

Those cock-a-roaches!

MARTY:

You gotta do something

with your time Jimmy!

MARTY:

Work with blind kids,

lepurs

JAY:

Hey man, take that sh*t.

UNKNOWN:

Y'all right with this sh*t?

JAY:

Yo give me the blunt. (coughing)

MARTY:

Here take this.

Ohhh it hurts so good!

UNKOWN:

That's what your mom said.

MARTY:

That is what my mom said.

My mom's got all day to answer

your questions

MARTY:

Jay Trotta ladies and

gentlemen...

rooftop status!

JAY:

Rooftop status.

MARTY:

Yeeaah! And the Jim-inator!

JAY:

You gonna do it Marty?

You gonna do it or be a b*tch?

I'm getting you in that pool man

MARTY:

I ain't getting in that f***ing

thing! Get away from me!

Why you always trying to touch

me?

JAY:

Who's going first? It's f***ing

five feet!

MARTY:

Touch Jimmy!

JIMMY:

I'm not going first!

I'm not going!

Marty:

Come on, you do that sh*t

to me all the time!

JAY:

Yo hold up, let me just put this

down real quick.

laughing

MARTY:

Dude, you're such a dick!

JAY:

Dude, I'll f***ing do it. I

don't give a sh*t! Move!

shouting

UNKNOWN:

Oh my God!

MARTY:

Oh my God!

MARTY:

Oh sh*t yea!

laughing

JAY:

Jump motherf***er, jump!

MARTY:

Do it again!

JAY:

You f***ing do it, go!

MARTY:

No!

JAY:

Come on bro, jump. Do it!

MARTY:

There's no f***ing way man.

MARTY:

Spark the Rastafari!

JAY:

It's not even lit.

MARTY:

You can do it!

MARTY:

Yo, so when we get back to the

house everybody get naked.

GIRL IN BACKSEAT:

Dude, you think you can handle

it?

MARTY:

There's not anything we can't

handle.

JAY:

...except for more of that

shitty-ass weed!

laughing

laughing

laughing

laughing

POLITICIAN (ON TV):

I've been privileged to serve

people of this great state

we call Florida. She is the

state with the prettiest name

and I love her.

And it is with a servant's heart

that I take this oath today

to protect and defend her

and help her people achieve

their great potential

and their boundless dreams.

President Ronald Reagan

described America

as a shining city on a hill. If

that is true...

JAY:

From one bullshit

politician to the next,

man you're all the f***ing same

MARTY:

I can't believe you

woke me up to buy weed.

JAY:

Dude, think about it.

If I had gone out on my

own and had this crazy adventure

all by myself, you'd be pissed!

You hate missing

out on sh*t, you know you do.

MARTY:

Oh yeah, I wouldn't

miss this for the world.

JAY:

You know that fake hundo

you got in your dresser?

MARTY:

Yeah, it's my

fake hundo in my dresser.

Oh sh*t.

No...

JAY:

Oh sh*t, yes.

MARTY:

Dude, this so not right.

JAY:

No, what's not right is that

dirt weed that motherf***er

sold us last time. This is just

karma man.

MARTY:

I don't think that's

the definition of karma.

JAY:

All right, slow down

here for a second.

MARTY:

Dude what the f***?

You brought my gun?

JAY:

Just in case. You never know.

It never hurts to be safe.

All right, that's it. That's it

right there. Pull over.

That's him.

DRUG DEALER:

How much you need white boy?

JAY:

None of that dirt weed. I want

the good green.

also you throw in a couple of

lays.

All right, let's roll.

JAY:

Wait, what are you doing?

Don't stop here!

MARTY:

First you take my gun,

and then you buy crack?

JAY:

Would you show some f***ing

appreciation? We're broke,

and now thanks to my creativity,

we got party favors.

Are you f***ing insane? Get the

f*** out of here!

MARTY:

Don't try and spin this

around on me!

This was all for you. You know

I don't smoke that sh*t!

This whole f***ing

night is WHACK!

MARTY:

Jesus!

MARTY:

What did you just do man?

What the f*** did you just do?

JAY:

He just pulled you out of the

f***ing car! Get in! Let's go!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

JAY:

At least now I'll get the ankle

bracelet off, right pop?

The lawyer said they'll be

moving me from county to a

permanent camp soon.

I'm not gonna be be able to use

the phone for six weeks until

the numbers are cleared, but

I'll write.

Pop, I know you're not proud of

me.

I know you're probably the

furthest thing from proud of me.

Pop?

JAY'S FATHER:

I have maybe two or

three memories of my father

none of them

really worth remembering.

One of them I was about five

years old, maybe six

He decided to take me

along with him on a job.

He had this old

red Ford truck,

thing was like a tank.

It had those long

bench seats in it.

We were going down some kind

of dirt road and all I can

remember is bouncing

all over the cab.

Just bouncing. I was laughing,

you know, giggling.

JAY:

Uh-huh.

JAY'S FATHER:

I kept looking over at him

hoping he would smile at me,

maybe a laugh.

Nothing.

I would've sold my

soul to the devil

Just to have my

father smile at me.

just once.

He died shortly after and the

only other memories I have

of my father is him grunting or

cursing at me in Italian.

And I told myself I would

never be that kind of father,

I would always be there

for you and your sister.

Whatever was needed to be given,

I would give.

I would be at every little

league game, every school play.

any time you ever needed

me, I was there.

I don't know what it is

I didn't give you Jay,

where I went wrong.

JAY:

Dad, I...

JAY'S FATHER:

It doesn't matter now.

My son is going to prison for

three years for attempted murder

and there's nothing I can do

about it.

I need to take care of myself

now, you understand?

JAY:

Dad...

JAY'S FATHER:

Jay, please, get out of my car.

JAY (V.O.):

Dear Marty, One hundred eighty

days down,

only seven hundred

twenty more to go buddy.

Word is that old chain-gang

Charlie Crist is trying to do

away with time off

for good behavior,

JAY (V.O.):

Lord I hope not.

I mean you can not believe how

f***in' slow time passes in here

I'll just briefly try and

explain the sh*t hole I'm in.

JAY (V.O.):

You got rows and rows of

razor-wire surrounding

multiple blocks.

We're kept in open bay

dorms like army barracks.

Communal showers, bathrooms,

everything is shared.

JAY (V.O.):

It sucks.

I was in a five by seven for

a while but my custody level

was dropped due to good

behavior so now this where

they've stuck me.

Anyway I'm surviving.

Let me know if you want me to

add you to the visitation list.

Hope you're doing well brother,

write back.

JAY (V.O.):

Dear Marty, I hope

you are doing well sir,

being that I still haven't

received a letter from you.

I'm on day five sixty three

not like anybody is counting

or anything.

JAY (V.O.):

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