Not Suitable for Children

Synopsis: A young playboy who learns he has one month until he becomes infertile sets out to procreate as much as possible.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Peter Templeman
Production: Well Go USA
  4 wins & 7 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.9
Rotten Tomatoes:
88%
R
Year:
2012
97 min
83 Views


# Hear her calling

# Come to me

# Thoughts of her

# Call my name

# Hey now, darling

# Heavy soul darling

# Heavy soul

# Just my colour

# Just my kind

# Got a heavy soul

# Next to mine

# Heart's on fire

# Get no sleep

# Drive all night... #

Two minutes!

Two minutes, everyone!

No, I'm pretty sure it's like an online,

direct debit kind of thing.

Or wait... Hang on.

Is that the gas?

You have lived here your entire life.

I think it's just the gas.

Uh, disconnection notice.

"This is your third and final notice.

"Due to outstanding amounts totalling..."

Jonah!

Hey, maybe I could sing?

No, I'm serious.

Gussie, hey, it's cool.

Everyone's here. They're having

a good time. Everyone's happy.

Hey, Cantzi! You happy?

Nah, I've cut myself

and I can't tell where.

He's happy, see?

No, Jonah, I can't see, because it's dark.

OK, come here, guys.

We're just three friends,

huddled together.

Someone needs to make

the announcement the party's over.

OK.

Um, Silvio.

He hates us.

He loves me.

Whatever you do, Jonah,

just don't hug him.

It's just really inappropriate.

Oh!

Grab a drink, everyone!

There's plenty in the kegs!

Take some chill time.

Forget to pay the bill, mate?

We're on! We're on! We're on!

Is that my computer power board?

Have you been in my room?

Hi. Sir, thank you so much.

I really hope Jonah conveyed

how much we appreciate this.

Sorry?

Jonah said 500 cash

and a bottle of vodka.

Hey!

Can you hear me?

OK, so... Hey, Gus!

$500?

Yeah!

No.

We got that!

No.

Mate, there's like

a million people out there.

There's, like, 150.

Half of them haven't paid yet.

Everyone! Need a favour!

We gotta get the juice back on.

So if you've got any money,

just hold it up. We need cash.

You still owe me

We're gonna get this party started.

Gonna get it started, Gussie.

Gussie!

Gussie!

Whoo!

Alright, on behalf of

Stevie, Gus, and myself,

big massive thanks

to Silvio, our neighbour.

Silvio!

Alright, let's take it through till lunchtime!

And then let's do it again next week!

Yes! Yes!

That's right, right here, here again,

this time, this place,

next friday!

What?!

# In the deserts of Sudan

# And the gardens of Japan

# From Milan

# To Yucatan

# Every woman

# And every man

# Hit me with your rhythm stick

# Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me

# Je t'adore, ich liebe dich

# Hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me

# Hit me, hit me

# Hit me! #

Come on! Come on.

Oh, sorry!

Let's put some music on.

Let's...come here.

Hey.

Mmm.

Uh...

You alright?

You've got something here.

It's kinda hard.

Like a...like a lump sort of thing.

Feels a bit like a frozen pea.

But not as cold.

A lump?

Just a little pressure now.

Just the left aspect there.

I'm afraid it's a bit of

bad news today, Jonah.

You have testicular cancer.

I know it sounds a bit nasty.

Testicular cancer is, in a manner of

thinking, the best kind of cancer to get.

The treatment is incredibly effective.

I'd have every expectation that

you would make a complete recovery.

Do you understand?

It's a relatively simple procedure

to remove the testicle.

Remove the testicle?

Aye.

Permanently?

Aye. We have to permanently

remove the left testicle.

I was hoping to book the theatre

for Wednesday week.

Then you'll undergo further treatment

to ensure there's absolutely no spread...

Um, will it...

Will I lose my hair?

Not in this case, no.

The side effects are relatively mild.

Will I still be able to have sex?

Aye. It might take a couple of weeks,

but you will regain full sexual function.

With one exception.

The treatment will, unfortunately,

render you infertile.

As in...

As in unable to father children

in the natural way.

Thankfully, modern science

offers us a fantastic alternative.

Please take care to contain

the first spurt of the ejaculate.

And... Oh, please don't use any of

the hand soap until afterwards.

Some men try it for lubrication.

Any questions?

We lost the deposit on the speakers.

I tried to tell them that

they just went fuzzy after a while.

But then he tipped them on their side

and lukewarm beer spilled out.

Why haven't you taken back the lights?

What?

Jonah's got cancer.

Gus. It's nothing.

Cancer?

No! I mean...not bad cancer.

It's...it's gonna be fine.

What kind of cancer'?

Testicular.

Oh, f***ing hell, Gus.

It's actually... It's easy to fix.

They just gotta take out the ball.

One day in hospital.

And then there's this other treatment.

Chemo?

But it's not like where you go green

and get sick and stuff.

The doc said people go right back to

work, so I'll still be able to do things.

What do they do with the ball?

Do you get to see it afterwards?

I dunno, Gus.

OK.

Um, have you spoken to your sister?

F***. No. Uh...I will.

Guess I should...

I should probably tell Ava too, huh?

Oh, are you guys speaking again?

Yeah. I mean...

Well, we did say six months of...

No contact.

Yeah.

But...she would wanna know this.

Well, we better cancel next Friday.

Do you wanna send out

a group email or...

What? No. We're not gonna cancel,

it's a couple of days away.

I don't wanna have to explain.

We can't stop now.

We've got some real momentum.

You know, we don't want to lose it.

We'd draw attention if we cancelled.

Right.

Hi, this is Ava.

I'm not around, so please leave

a mess...message after the beep.

Thank you.

Also I promised Azzi

his cousin could do some drumming.

If he's sh*t, I can totally

take him off, though.

OK, well, apart from anything else,

I don't think this house is physically

gonna handle another party.

House is fine.

Yeah, it's Jonah's house anyway.

Ah... OK, this is stuck.

Well, maybe try pulling it.

I am pulling it.

Hello?

Hi, it's Natalie Gibbs here

from andrology.

Sorry?

The sperm bank.

It was, in many respects,

quite a strong sample.

Your sperm count was optimal,

which was impressive,

given the testicle situation.

Sperm velocity, also strong...

Sorry.

Hello?

Yep, I'm at the...bottle shop.

Mm-hm. Yeah, I'm looking at it.

Yes, I'm writing it down.

OK. OK!

OK, the problem we encountered

was with the freezing process.

The freezing?

We conduct a thaw test

on every sample,

just to see if the sperm has coped

with the freeze procedure.

We do this because in some cases,

the sperm reacts badly

with the cryo-preservatives

and...well, it doesn't survive.

So, what? Mine...

Well, your sample fell into that category.

It died?

It happens, with a small

percentage of men.

What, just some of it? Or...?

Uh...can I take a second shot?

Regretfully, on the basis

of these results,

it would appear

that sperm cryopreservation

will not be an effective option

for you.

What other options are there?

Do you have a girlfriend?

Hey! Are you alright?

Yep.

If you're not feeling up to this, it's totally

fine. I can take you to your sister's.

No, it's cool.

Well, tell Gus it's his turn

to come out the front.

Everyone got a stamp?

There you go. In you go, in you go!

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Michael Lucas

Michael Lucas is the name of: Michael Lucas (director) (born 1972), performer in and director of gay pornographic films Michael Lucas (political activist) (born 1926), artist, designer, and political activist Michael Lucas, 2nd Baron Lucas of Chilworth (1926–2001), British peer and Conservative politician Mike Lucas (born 1959), football coach more…

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    "Not Suitable for Children" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/not_suitable_for_children_14971>.

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