Notes from Underground

I am a sick man.

I think it is my liver, but I refuse to see a doctor.

From spite.

I am a spiteful man.

I have been living like this for a very long time.

I used to worked in the Department of Urbanism, but no longer.

i was a bad civil servant.

i was

discourteous.

i was

spiteful.

No, no, no. It is not certain.

That is lie.

I am not it. I am not nothing.

I am sick.

a crippled person. Too much introspection.

Yes, too awareness is a disease.

a cripplating disease, absolutely.

say me a thing:

so that I have made things horrible?

Things that that knew perfectly they were abominable?

and when promised same me to change,

to carry to me better, knew right away that it was lying.

Because because I cannot change.

I think too much.

That is my disease.

Is better not to do anything.

I am lying!

Even now, I lie.

Notes from underground

I can be totally sincere with me same?

Can be it somebody?

Some memories is so terrible,

that one could not count nor to its friends.

Some is so horrible that I fear

counts to same me.

and whichever better is the man,

more of those secrets hides.

Now I want to remember.

and I have this camera because I hope

that if it story, if I see it,

if I see myself same me counting it, then

perhaps can release to me

of this secret.

If I am sincere

Today is raining.

rained Yesterday also.

rain has evoked east memory that does not let to me sleep.

it happened twelve years ago.

I was much more young.

Not exactly carefree, never I was it.

But, in a certain sense, was happy,

because it had authority.

This toilet is in center.

Is thus in all the baths.

- This for it is disabled. - In effect.

Would have to be displaced 45 cm to put a handle.

Sure by all means.

Is thing of the draftsman. It is easy to solve.

Then change and returns to bring it.

Is not going to give the license to me?

the planes does not adjust to the norm.

is only necessary to move it half meter.

I will have to lose another day in the tail

so that they approve an insignificant correction to me?

Is the law.

Is a service of the third floor! I will begin by the foundations.

Is only 45 cm!

One distances enormous according to the norms.

I can speak with its head?

By all means. It will be enchanted to speak with you.

This is ridiculous!

clerk!

With the attractive women, retired the Vista first.

Even made experiments.

Would be able to hold its glance?

APPROVED:

Thanks.

Most of the time preferred to be single.

attempt not to justify to me.

No! I am lying.

That is exactly what attempt: to justify to me.

But I do not want to lie.

I have given my word.

Every few months felt the necessity

to relate to me to the humanity.

To a certain extent, at least.

Only had a well-known. In fact it had several,

but only one still deigned to speak with me.

Simon.

knew Him the university. It only had free Sundays.

So it tried that my necessity of company

fell in Sunday.

I suspect that I disliked to him, who was an error to go to see him.

But, as usual, my own doubts pushed to me.

Little imagined I them fatal consequences of my visit.

Simon?

Play golf before having supper.

prefer the best site.

Simon?

Hello.

it happened this way.

Enter

Simon was with two companions of the university.

I thought that you would be single.

Then is not thus.

As soon as they saluted to me, although we had been years without seeing us.

he knew that they watched to me over the shoulder after my lack of success.

Good. You do not cut yourselves by me.

I will go with Mr. Z. The Porsche we did not enter all.

wait a little while. This time I do not want to do of driver.

Planning a supper of goodbye for Philip Zerkov.

Era another companion of studies,

somebody to that it detested specially.

it hated the good looking, stupid face, of Zerkov,

the way in which it dressed and it wasted money.

I always was without white.

No longer saluted to me in the street.

we leave to 1 00 turkeys each one, including Zerkov,

but the supper will be fantastic and to him it likes the site.

Imagines to Zerkov leaving to pay us?

Already you know, will accept the detail, but it will be offed-hook

with a bottle of Sunday or Crystal, or something similar.

Who we are for rejecting its generosity? Thus it is Zerkov.

Everything will be more boring this way when it has gone away.

Very certain.

So it will leave us by 300, including his.

a dining room deprived in the Coffee of Paris, tomorrow to 8.

Because 300? Telling me they will be 400.

I thought that to invite to me suddenly,

so unexpectedly, would be a great gesture,

that would win its affection to me and would improve its opinion of me.

you want to come to have supper with us?

So that no? Zerkov also was companion mine.

Frankly, bothers to me that you leave me outside.

Hope that we invited to you?

- you hated to Him. It remembers when - You do not have right to say that.

for that reason desire to be perhaps invited,

because I am not in good terms with him.

This is of crazy people. He is our friend and our celebration.

- I also studied with him. - Bond, is well.

If you want to come, Coffee of Paris tomorrow to 8.

- What has of the money? - It is already enough, Jerry.

If as much it wishes leave it that it comes.

You can pay your part now?

Then I remembered that it had to him to Simon 50$ two years ago.

is not that it had forgotten it, not exactly.

had simply not given back it.

you will see, I do not take it above.

But I have not forgotten the 50 that you rendered to me.

You can pay to me tomorrow.

But this time you do not forget.

you will see

we had formulated plans for this already behind schedule.

So

I feel It. I am hindering to You?

- Yes. In fact - So that me you have not said it?

Brave cocoon.

What seized of me?

What forced to me to impose my presence?

he/she knew that it did not have to go, but felt to me furious, indeed

because it knew that it would do it.

would pawn to Me on attending.

By spite.

and embarrassing and at the most inopportune was my presence

more insurance was I of which I would go.

When returning to house was saturated

of contact with the humanity.

But to the following morning felt to me excited.

he/she went to attend a celebration.

My enthusiasm me consternaba, but could not avoid it.

he/she had the hope of which my life changed finally.

REJECTED:

he/she had doubts, by all means, but was not the moment for thinking.

Was on the verge of really experiencing the life.

Revolve the closet, obsessed by my appearance.

Any idiot can dress well if it has money.

he/she feared that my modest clothes reduced my personal dignity.

had anticipated any contingency.

had even practiced my manners .

Thanks.

Thanks.

he/she knew that it was exaggerating.

conscious Era of my tendency to remove the things from frame

most intelligent would have been not to attend,

but dreamed about dominating to them,

with seducing to them with my talent.

In addition was Zerkov!

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