Nothing Is Private

---

MAN:
You're beautiful

just the way you are, Jasira.

Those other girls are just jealous...

...because you're growing up faster

than they are...

...and you're prettier than they are.

Listen, don't let it get you down,

those stupid names they're calling you.

This year....

Just give me a second.

This year, we'll shut them up.

Oh, and we probably

shouldn't tell your mom about this.

Cool?

Don't be nervous.

[PEOPLE HOOTlNG ON TV]

Are you alive?

BUNDY:

No, I've died and gone to Switzerland.

WOMAN:
I was wondering

if you could do me a favor.

BUNDY:
No need to ask.

-What is this?

Huh?

Look at this, do you believe it?

Did I say that you could shave?

GAlL:
Oh, my God.

You did what? You shaved her?

BARRY:
I just helped her shave, okay?

GAlL:
No, Barry, it is not okay.

BARRY:
Gail, I would never do anything

to hurt her. I love her.

GAlL:
I can't believe this is happening to me.

BARRY:
Nothing is happening.

Stop crying, okay?

Shh. I know. I know, honey.

Listen to me, okay?

This whole thing is your fault.

All right? The way you walk around

with your b*obs stuck out...

...it's impossible for him not to notice.

And you're always talking

about your pubic hair.

Once. And only because the girls at the pool

called me Chewbacca.

I don't know what that is.

Barry does.

Bottom line is, Jasira...

...there are right ways to act around men

and wrong ways...

...and for you to learn which is which,

you should go live with one.

[CRYlNG]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

This is for your own good.

I'm telling you,

you're gonna thank me for this later.

Shh. People are looking at us, honey.

WOMAN 1 :
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome

to the Houston lntercontinental Airport.

If you'd like to set your watch,

the local time is 4:38 p.m.

WOMAN 2:
Attention, Passenger Assistance.

Two wheelchairs are needed at Gate B2.

Repeat, two wheelchairs for two passengers

needed at Gate B2.

Hi, Daddy.

Your plane

was an hour and 22 minutes late.

I'm sorry.

Why are you sorry? Did you fly it?

Let's go get your luggage.

I don't want to hit traffic.

Let's go.

[LEBANESE MUSlC PLAYS

ON STEREO]

JASlRA:

What is this music?

RlFAT:
You're half-Lebanese

and you don't know what this music is?

[RlFAT SlGHS]

Your mother is an idiot.

JASlRA:
You live in a house now?

RlFAT:
Of course.

What, you think I cannot afford a house

for my daughter?

I make a very good salary at NASA.

Besides, I don't want you...

-...going to a city school.

-Why not?

Because the schools in the suburbs

are better. Everybody knows that.

Watch the lawn.

Thank you for making dinner.

I had to learn how to cook

when I married your mother.

Yeah, she never cooks. Barry does.

-Good morning.

-Morning.

Go and put some proper clothes on.

You're not in Syracuse anymore.

Go!

[CRYlNG]

[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]

Okay, I forgive you.

MAN:

And smile.

Next.

"Jasira Maroun"?

Okay, Jasira.

It's Jasira.

Next.

MAN:

President Bush made gains in his efforts...

...to isolate

Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.

F***ing Saddam.

Mikhail Gorbachev warned Baghdad

he would back additional UN measures.

[DOORBELL RlNGS]

Now what?

Move.

Hi, we're the Vuosos,

from two doors down.

-I'm Evelyn, this is my husband, Travis.

-Travis.

And this little boy is Zack.

I am Rifat Maroun,

and this is my daughter, Jasira.

Well, we're glad we finally caught y'all

at home. We tried several times.

I brought a pie.

Keep things pretty chilly in here,

don't you?

RlFAT:

Well, I keep the thermostat at 68.

And everybody thinks I'm crazy,

but I don't care.

I love walking into my home

and saying, ah.

[EVELYN LAUGHS]

-What tiny coffee cups.

RlFAT:
Madame.

Monsieur.

And no handles.

How unusual.

Unusual? No.

Not in my part of the world.

Where exactly are you from, Maroun?

East Beirut, Lebanon, Vuoso.

You must have some interesting opinions

on the situation over there.

I certainly do.

I'd like to hear about them sometime.

Not today.

TRAVlS:
I'm just asking--

EVELYN:
No politics today.

Hey, Dad.

Is it okay if I go play badminton with her?

Yeah, yeah. Go on. Get out of here.

Hey, wanna play badminton?

[ZACK LAUGHS]

What? I can't help where it lands.

That was stupid.

-We'll just go knock on their door.

-They're on their honeymoon, moron.

Then I guess the game's over.

RlFAT:

Thank you so much for the pie.

Next time,

I will make kenefe bejeben for you.

Oh, Rifat, that's not necessary.

We were just being good neighbors.

And being a working parent myself...

...I know just how little time there is

in the day.

All right.

-Zack, we're gonna get.

-Jasira.

TRAVlS:
Who won?

-I did. She quit.

We don't say "she"

when the person's right in front of us.

I can't remember her name.

It's too weird.

TRAVlS:

Hey, her name is Jasira.

-Jasira.

ZACK:
Whatever.

TRAVlS:

It's a very pretty name.

For a very pretty girl.

Bye.

RlFAT:

Goodbye, now.

This guy is something.

He's an Army Reservist...

...and he thinks I love Saddam.

It's an insult.

I'm an American citizen.

Did you tell him you don't love Saddam?

I told him nothing. Who is he to me?

By the way, I found you a job.

I don't need a babysitter.

I'm just keeping you company.

You're only three years older

than I am, towelhead.

Zack?

Zack, come on.

Zack?

Zack?

What are you doing?

MAN:

And smile.

[WOMAN LAUGHlNG]

You can't look at these anymore.

I can do whatever I want, towelhead.

I'm not a towelhead!

Your dad is, so you are too.

Stupid, my daddy doesn't wear a towel

on his head.

He's a Christian,

just like everybody else in Texas.

Would you describe your situation

as light, medium or heavy?

Can't I pick them out?

You're not wearing tampons,

if that's what you're thinking.

Tampons are for married ladies.

-Do y'all need any help?

-No, thanks. We're fine.

These for you?

Well, this is the kind my daughter likes.

-Why? What's wrong with these?

-Well, they're thicker, not as comfortable.

Right, but those are twice as expensive.

Well, that's probably the comfort issue

I was referring to earlier.

Thank you.

BOY 1 :

Hey, Jizz-ira.

You ignoring me?

Are you ignoring me, girl?

JASlRA:
Hey, give it back!

BOY 2:
What do we got here?

What do we got here? Oh, jackpot. Yeah.

-All right.

-What--? All right. What are you doing?

[CRYlNG]

WOMAN:

Are you okay?

[SPEAKlNG lN SPANlSH]

[SPEAKS lN SPANlSH]

Your parents don't speak Spanish

at home?

RlFAT:
Why did you use so much toilet

paper? No wonder the toilet overflowed.

Finally.

What's this?

GAlL:
What the hell is going on?

Your father called and said you ran away.

He locked me out.

I came to the payphone to call you.

You should be calling him.

He's worried sick.

He locked me out.

Jasira, you and I both know

your father overreacts.

That means you have to adjust

your behavior. If your father tells you...

...you shouldn't be wearing a tampon,

you shouldn't be.

What's so wrong with wearing tampons?

That's not really the question, is it?

The question is,

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