Novitiate Page #3

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Well, as for me, I have two cousins,

an aunt and one older sister

who joined the sisterhood.

So, I guess, in a way,

it's kind of in my blood.

And who knows, maybe one day

I'll die young and become a Saint.

Thank you, sister Emily.

Sister cathleen, did you always know

that you wanted to be a nun?

No, actually,

i wasn't raised in the church, so...

What do you mean,

you weren't raised in the church?

Aren't you catholic?

I guess I'm not catholic

in the same way that you guys are.

Well, what are you

even doing here, then?

I mean, is this even allowed?

Sister Candace, please. Ladies.

I went to catholic school.

That's where I learned

about the sisters.

I just thought it seemed like

the most beautiful idea,

to be able to spend

my entire life devoted to love.

Tell me about the new postulants.

I'm so impressed with them as a group.

They're full of energy and enthusiasm,

really passionate about finding

their own relationships with Christ.

What is this you're reading?

This is something to do

with this Vatican ll.

Vatican what?

From what I can make out,

our pope has suddenly

got it into his head

to turn himself

into some sort of reformer.

Meaning what, exactly?

Meaning he's organized

some ridiculous new council in Rome

to speak about changes to the church.

Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?

The church hasn't reviewed its practices

in over 100 years.

Perhaps change is...

You think the church is

in need of change?

Are you questioning me?

I happen to think the church

is perfect the way it is.

Well, what reforms

are they talking about?

- Can I see?

-Lt's not important.

This will all blow over very soon.

It's nothing to concern yourself with.

Pay attention.

I'm going to show you how we walk.

It's called "custody of the eyes."

You put your hands in your sleeve

like this.

Always go slowly, gracefully,

never in a hurry.

And most important

is you keep your eyes down.

Always make sure you're looking

straight ahead at the floor

in front of you.

Why?

Excuse me?

Why do we have to walk like that?

I mean, what if we can't see

where we're going?

Not that it's your place

to question anything,

but it's a part of our discipline.

We keep our eyes down

so we don't allow in

any extra stimulation

that might distract us from our lord.

Something funny, sisters?

You two, come here.

Come on.

Stand face-to-face.

Now, both of you look at each other

in the eyes.

- Whatjust happened?

- I started thinking about her.

Yeah, I started thinking about her, too.

Exactly. We're not supposed

to think about each other.

Because we're not here for each other,

we are here only for god.

Move on, sisters.

I love you, god.

Thank you for letting me be here.

Thank you for letting me

love you like this.

Thank you for letting me feel you

so close to me.

Thank you.

I love you, god.

I love you so much.

Wow.

This is the first time

I've seen you in your outfit.

Yeah.

Do you like it?

- You look like a real nun.

- Thanks.

I'm not a real nun yet. Not yet, but...

What is with this thing?

This is terrible. It's like prison.

Yeah, it's just the way they do it.

It's like a symbol of our enclosure.

What the...

What does that mean?

It's nothing.

So, how are you?

Are you... you like it here?

Are you happy?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I don't know how to describe it,

but it feels like I belong here.

I guess that means you plan on staying,

and you plan on taking those vows.

What do they call it, the "novanate"?

- Novitiate.

-"Novitiate." Nova-something?

Yeah, it's just a temporary vow

that we take for a year and a half.

And we find out

if we're ready to marry god forever.

I'm pretty sure

I'm going to be here my whole life.

Jesus Christ, cathleen,

what the hell did I do wrong?

How...

How have you been?

Well, I'm just fine.

I picked up a few more shifts at work,

keeping myself busy.

I don't really know

what to do with myself.

'Cause I most... I...

I mostlyjust miss you so much.

How about dad? How's dad?

- Have you heard anything from dad?

- Your father? No.

Your grandma did call

and said he'd been sick or something.

That's probably why

you haven't heard from him.

But do you want me to track him down?

I'm sure he'd love to come see you.

That's okay, don't bother.

I'll pray for him.

It's fine.

But it's like a...

It's a really busy day here.

I should get going.

What? No. We have ten more minutes.

- I know, but I just have a lot of work.

- What are you doing?

Maybe we can spend more time together

next time, though.

Okay. Well, can you just wait?

Wait, wait, wait. Wait one second?

Um...

Maybe I could just

touch your hand for a second.

Um...

- Just for a second.

- Yeah...

We're really not supposed

to touch like that, mom, so...

- Oh. Okay.

- I gotta go.

Okay. Cathleen, I love you.

Thank you for coming.

Oh, god.

I guess I just didn't really know

it was going to be like this.

Like what?

That we'll be spending our whole

entire lives here and never leaving.

We won't even be able to go

to our own parents' funerals.

Who cares? They'll be dead, anyway.

It's not like they'll notice.

Besides, don't you think knowing god

knows we're here for him,

knowing we are so much more special

to him than anybody else...

Don't you think that

makes it all worth it?

Yeah, I guess.

Well, why did you come here, then?

Audrey hepburn.

What are you talking about?

Audrey hepburn.

I wanted to be a nun

because I saw a nun's story,

and she's sister Gabrielle.

And I just thought

she was so holy and beautiful

and perfect.

I wanted to be like her.

Don't laugh at me.

That's not very holy.

I won't tell anybody.

This was a mistake.

I was too young for it.

I didn't ever mean to disappoint you.

I just don't know if I feel it,

you know?

Feel what?

My relationship with him.

Whatever we're supposed to feel.

I can't tell if I'm

communicating with him,

and it's really him

or if it's just all in my head.

Reverend mother says we can't fake

our relationship with him.

Because if...

Even if nobody else knows,

he'll know and he'll shun us for it.

But I'm just worried,

what if I'm faking it,

and I don't even realize?

No, I have them right here

in front of me. I...

It's not that

i wasn't going to respond. I...

Of course I understand the historic...

And also with you.

Good morning, reverend mother.

- Praise the lord.

- Now and forever.

Did you just speak?

Did I just hear you speak?

What's your name?

I'm sister sissy.

Sister sissy?

Well, sister sissy...

Why don't you tell me

what you've been doing lately,

besides getting fat,

being late for mass,

and talking during grand silence.

I... I didn't realize

it was still grand silence.

Well, because they told us

to count the bells before noon.

And I counted...

Do you not understand

what "silence" means? Hmm?

Was it not explained to you properly?

During grand silence,

you are silent. Mmm?

And silence means you don't talk.

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