Nutty Professor II: The Klumps

Well, look what rolled in.

You know, at first, I thought you was

old-ass Raisinet riding on a skateboard.

I'd like to come over there and choke the

life out of you right in front of Jesus.

Sweet Lord, give me strength. Don't make

me have to whup nobody's head in church.

Ignore him, Lord.

Ignore all his prayers.

He ain't nothing, never did nothing.

Give him a stroke or something.

Do you, Sherman Klump?

Yes, I do.

Indeed, I do.

Happy day, happy day.

Happy day, my ass.

Oh, he look handsome.

Oh, my baby's finally getting married. Never

thought I'd live to see the day. Finally.

Oh, here she comes.

Here she comes.

I'm gonna cry. I promised myself I'm

wasn't gonna cry. Now I'm gonna cry.

Yeah, all right.

Dynamite.

You may be seated.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank God.

I always knew he'd find

the right girl. Always knew.

You see the Indian in her cheekbones?

Ooh! Sherman, Sherman. Sherman.

Sherman, Sherman, Sherman.

Sherman! Oh, Lord.

Shh, my baby's so stupid.

Dearly beloved,

we have gathered here today...

...to join these two people

in holy matrimony.

- Praise the Lord.

- The eminent scientist, Professor Sherman Klump...

- Mm-hmm.

- And his longtime sweetheart...

Denise Gaines.

Oh, Sherman.

If anyone has any reason why these two

should not be wed, let him speak now...

...or forever hold his penis.

Oh, Sherman.

That's it, son. Show 'em

what the Klumps are made of!

- Sherman, put that away.

- Sherman, calm down, baby. Save it for the honeymoon.

Surprise!

- Hey, Sherman, calm down, boy.

What's wrong with you?

Now that boy could use

some ass freshener!

- This is some scary sh*t.

- Yeah, like The Outer Limits.

No, don't hurt yourself, baby.

You are coming with Buddy.

- No! No!

- See you later, chunky butt!

No!

And then I wake up

in a cold sweat.

And then I wake up

in a cold sweat.

How often do you have this

dream? More and more lately.

You seem to be very fond

of this girl, Denise.

My God, she is so special to me.

But how's she gonna love me when I got Buddy

Love inside me? I wanna be perfect for her.

Perfect?

No one is perfect, Sherman.

You need to understand that

Buddy Love is a representation...

...of the uninhibited,

hedonistic id.

- He is not a real person.

- Buddy Love is real!

Well, he was real, and he does

take control of me sometimes.

You will never learn to control him... Sherman!

...until you accept the fact

that he is a part of you.

Yeah, and the best part too! And

I'll tell you something else, punk!

All these diplomas on this wall

don't make up for the fact...

...that you got a little Vienna

sausage in your drawers.

- Is that why they call you

a shrink? - Shut up, fat a-

Sorry.

Yeah, yes. Session got a little outta

- Outta control.

You see, we all have

a little Buddy Love inside us.

Yeah. But we can't let him rule our lives.

You're in charge, Sherman.

Can you say that for me?

I'm in charge.

Can't hear you.

- I'm in charge.

- Can't hear you!

I'm in charge!

Sorry about that.

Yeah. Klump in charge! I'm in charge!

He's right. I am in charge.

Klump in charge. Yes, indeed.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Yeah.

Hey, Professor Klump. How's it

going? Fantastic. How about yourself?

Yeah.

Klump in charge.

Afternoon. Good day. Hi.

How you doing?

Wonderful day.

- Beautiful day, isn't it, Professor?

- Bite me, old hag. Oh!

- What?

- Uh, uh, I said, he likes me. Look at him wag.

Hey, little fella.

See that little tail wagging?

Have a good day. I'm in charge. My goodness.

Kinda hot today, huh, Professor?

You have no idea how hot it is.

- Hot! Nice and hot!

- Oh, Professor! I loved your lecture the other day.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

It's all in my head. It's all

in my head... I'm in control.

Yeah, keep tellin'

yourself that, bubble butt!

It is theoretically possible

to isolate the elements...

...of an individual's genetic

makeup and separate them.

Now someday, we may be able to locate an

unhealthy risk factor in our DNA and remove it.

Excuse me. Beg your pardon.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Whether this is advisable

is another question entirely.

Oh, my eye!

Oh, Professor Klump.

Oh! Professor Gaines,

how are you?

I was hoping I might be able

to sit in on your lecture.

I'm sure we can accommodate you

since you were so quiet coming in.

Well, it's very hard

to be quiet...

...when you're lecturing

on genomic extractions.

I think it's very exciting.

Oh, I agree completely.

Something about the way the nucleotides

cohere with the target sequence.

Yeah. I always say, if you can't be

with the nucleotide that you love...

...cohere with

the one you're with.

- Yeah.

- Uh, anyway as I was-

Uh, I want those

lab reports on my desk.

No excuses.

I'll see you next time.

Professor Gaines.

Oh, Professor Klump.

Yeah.

Um, yes, I was, um-

I was wondering if you had a-

- Dean Richmond, we were-

- Just having... A little chat.

Don't be bashful,

Professor Gaines.

Pound for pound, this big lug's the

greatest scientist on the planet.

And let's be honest, pound for pound,

he is a planet. That's said with love.

- Did you get those goo-goo clusters

I sent you? - Yes, I did, thank you...

...but I'm on a diet right now,

so I can't eat 'em.

And it's working beautifully.

No, I'm telling you.

When I came in, with this light and in that

outfit, you could really think for a second that-

Anyway, you said you had

something to show me.

I am so excited about this, Dean. You will be too.

You got that? Come on. Jason, where's our patient?

Right here, Professor.

Come on, boy.

Now this is Buster. Buster suffers from

acute arthritis and diminished vision...

...which are both signs

of advanced aging.

We're gonna see if we can fix all of Buster's

problems right now, aren't we, Buster?

Yes, we are.

This little experiment...

...makes use of Professor Gaines's

brilliant research on gene targeting.

Now, if I've composed

this formula properly...

...this should be most impressive.

All right, Buster.

...jiminy freaking Cricket!

Sherman, this is amazing.

You've just discovered

- The fountain of youth. This is huge.

Do you have any idea what you've

done? This is unbelievable. We're rich.

We're gonna have every

pharmaceutical company in the world...

...lining up

to throw money at us.

Of course, it all has to be

properly tested first.

Exactly, yes. He makes an interesting

point. Here's another. Shut up!

Besides, look at the little fella.

He can lick his own winky again.

There's not a guy in the world

who wouldn't wanna do that.

Klump!

Dean Richmond!

The effect is only temporary.

I'm sorry, sir. You're sorry?

Oh, my goodness. I'm just trying not

to think where that tongue has been!

You all right?

Klump, party of six, please.

Yes, and we're hungry.

Mama, you know, you really look

good. Have you been losing weight?

Oh, thank you, baby, no, but I'm

getting ready to start a new diet.

Have some of this ambrosia.

I don't even like ambrosia.

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