Nutty Professor II: The Klumps Page #2

Don't tell me you don't like ambrosia.

You had some before, and you liked it.

Have some adventure! Oh, now I'm a child

- I don't know what I like.

...for the all-girls

soccer team.

Let me get that for you.

Oh, my baby's so gallant.

Sherman, come here. And it's called

"All the pork you can eat" diet.

You can have all the pork you want.

You can have ham, bacon, sausage.

I got the wrong thing. Take that. Thank you.

Now I got a full portion.

Whatever you wanna eat...

...just as long as you have three glasses

of grapefruit juice afterwards...

...because the grapefruit juice

breaks down all the unwanted-

Get away from there!

Stop that! Baby!

Honey, get the baby. He's a boy, and

boys don't be doing stuff like that.

- Hey! Get your ass-

- What?

Please teach that boy manners. He ain't

gonna be acting like no hooligan with me.

That was a spoon or fork? That was a

spoon. All right. Boys will be boys.

Boys will be boys.

Oh, this looks fabulous.

Yeah, it looks really good.

How about getting another bottle of

red over here? Get some more wine.

Hey, Ernie, maybe you wanna pace

yourself and take it easy, huh?

Pace myself? Hey, this is a

celebration for Daddy retiring.

We owe it to Daddy to get sh*t-faced,

and I'm gonna get sh*t-faced.

By the way,

congratulations, Mr. Klump.

She's so polite. Look here, Denise, you

have to stop that "Mr. Klump" stuff...

'cause I've been hearing that for the last

year or so, and I'm starting to feel old.

- I ain't an old man.

- You is an old man.

Ah, sh*t, Grandma,

what's wrong with you?

If it isn't the Alzheimer's

Express right on schedule!

- Stop that! Hi, Mama.

- She drove right on my bunion.

Y'all have to excuse me

for being late.

If you weren't my grandmother, boy

- If you weren't my grandmother!

Me and Isaac started getting

kinda frisky in the car.

- Ooh!

- Had to give him a little appetizer.

Ooh, Mama.

- I just lost my damn appetite.

- Mama, your dress is undone. Let me zip you up.

Hurry. Zip her up in the back

before she starts looking...

...like one of them Zulu hags on

the cover of National Geographic.

- Cletus, what's wrong with you? That's my mother.

- Like that movie, Shaka Zulu.

You know something, Cletus?

Come on. Come on right now!

I'm gonna tell you something.

I got a razor in this bag.

Oh, yeah, I'll tell you what. That ain't

even no bag in your hand. That's your titty.

Cletus!

Oh, jesus!

She's an old bag with old bag

titties. Cletus, you out of your mind?

He called your grandma's titty

a bag.

- Death!

- Cletus Marcellus Klump.

If it isn't the world's

oldest living Negro?

Hey, how are things going on

the Underground Railroad, Isaac?

Oh, Cletus, please, be nice to

Mr. Isaac. Good evening, Mr. Isaac.

Come on and have a seat.

Good evening, Mr. Isaac.

How you doing tonight?

Isaac know I'm playing. I play with Isaac

all the time. You know I'm messing with you.

Oh, yeah, you say

what you wanna say...

...but Isaac's still like a Brahma bull

when it comes to relations, right, baby?

You know what they say?

You're as young as you feel.

- Well, I must be 197.

- Klump, funny you should say that.

Denise and I have been doing some research

on aging, which has proven to be promising.

Ooh, Baby,

don't belch in public.

Grandma don't wanna hear all that

nastiness. He bringing the bass, huh?

You plan to eat, you gonna

be belching, cover your mouth.

Hey, look, your grandpa ate

a whole plate of beans...

...you don't see me doing

the ol' butt trumpet, do you?

Thank the Lord. We don't have

to hear all that nasty imagery.

- Butts and trumpets.

- I'm gonna tell my grandson what I wanna say.

Hey, can we get some toothpick?

Some toothpick!

If I wanna put a trumpet in my ass and

run around this restaurant and blow...

"Hallelujah, Yankee Doodle,"

that's my business!

All I'm hearing is trumpets and

asses. I don't wanna hear that.

Hey!

You watch it now.

You reach over here again,

you gonna pull back a nub.

- Oh, Cletus, she's fiery.

I like that.

Tell me, don't touch the chicken.

Don't be hitting on people.

I don't be getting hit on,

Sherman, you know that.

Better eat up, Isaac, 'cause

you gonna need your strength.

Yeah, later on, me and Isaac gonna

watch Mating Season on the Serengeti.

- Oooh!

- Don't take a lot to get Isaac going.

- Time out! Let me call a time out on that.

- Lord, my, my.

- I don't wanna hear about you

old-ass geriatrics. - Oh, yeah, Cletus?

Me and Isaac might be

dried-up geriatrics...

...but ain't nothing wrong

with Isaac's love tackle.

- Ooh, Mama.

- Oh, snap now.

Hmm? What's the matter, Cletus, cat got

your tongue? Step on a nerve, Cletus?

I get you. Got you, got you. Got ya!

These potatoes sure are

scrumptious, aren't they?

- Ain't that a kick in the head.

- Yes, they're scrumptious, aren't they?

Potato, my ass.

Ain't that a kick in the head?

- What that piece of spaghetti remind you of?

- Oh!

- Oh, Grandma, now, come on. That's enough now.

- Sure enough.

Maybe Mr. Johnson, perhaps?

Oh, Lord have mercy.

- Let me tell you, old woman.

What I do in my bedroom is

my business. You understand?

Only thing you do in your bedroom

is pull the lint off your scrotum.

Now it's getting thick.

- See? That's the last straw.

- I think I'm gonna propose a toast.

- Let's make a toast.

- To Daddy.

- Hear! Hear!

After 35 years of hard work in the

construction business, Thirty-five years!

Daddy's gonna finally get a

chance to relax. Gonna get to relax...

- This is true. - Damn

right. - I'd just like to say-

When you gonna stop jiving and

tell everybody you got laid off?

Oh, my God.

He's choking.

Hey, somebody put the "Hemlock"

on him? Put your arm up!

The "Hemlock move. " Give me a knife and

straw. I'm gonna give him a tracheotomy.

I seen them do it on E.R.

It's all right, folks.

Everything's under control.

Cletus. No, Cletus. Where

you going? Sherman! Cletus!

- Dad, where you

going? - Daddy! - Oh!

Now you see what you did, joe College?

You done messed up the whole party.

...jason, I just know I'm not the

one saying all those awful things.

It was him. You may be right,

Professor. Take a look at this reading.

Right there. Recombining with the gene

that governs testosterone production.

Buddy Love.

I told you.

That's Buddy Love.

Don't panic. All right.

We should be able to get rid of

him. According to Denise's theories...

...we should be able to isolate that

gene and extract it. No, no way.

Professor, what you're talking

about is extremely dangerous.

Those traces of Buddy must've been

in your system this whole time.

You've been able to keep them under

control. Not anymore. He's back now.

He's coming back 'cause he knows I'm

happy and he wanna ruin everything.

Yeah, but he is not a he.

He is a gene.

He's just part of you.

Oh, no, he's not.

Am I interrupting?

Oh, uh, not at all. We were just

doing some last-minute tests on Buster.

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