Nymphomaniac: Vol. I Page #2

with anyone again.

But of course that only

lasted a short while.

And now to get back

to your fishing.

A couple of years later,

I was at my friend B's,

and as always,

she had a new idea,

financed by her younger

brother's piggy banks

which she regularly emptied.

We put on clothes later known as

the "f*** me now" clothes.

The idea was a competition.

We were to go on a train trip.

B said there was

no need for tickets.

The one who would f***

the most men

when we reached the destination

would win the chocolate sweets.

May I interrupt here?

What you were doing when you

walked down that corridor.

You were reading the river.

Most of the large

fish stay sheltered from the current

to save energy,

and to hide from the prey.

Where the fish hides in the stream

entails a very

complicated hierarchy.

The topography decides where

the most attractive places are,

and the biggest fish

choose the best positions.

What do I do?

Smile and make eye contact.

But what if it doesn't work?

If you have to talk, remember

to ask lots of "wh" questions

if you want more than

a yes or no answer.

Then it'll just happen on its own.

You just take them to the lavatory

and you have sex with them.

Oh. What if it's nasty?

Then you just think of the bag

of chocolate sweeties.

What... What time is it?

Ten.

Where do you come from?

From home.

Who knows where

the lavatory is?

Well, if you take a right,

you will arrive at a lavatory

at the end of the car.

At the same time it is

so cleverly arranged

that if you take a left turn you

will also arrive at a lavatory

since at the end of the next car

there is also one.

Let me show you

where the lavatory is.

It turned out to be

shockingly easy.

In no time,

B was ahead five to three.

And it was exactly right.

Look them in the eye and smile.

But then suddenly, it stopped.

That's a very clear parallel

to fishing in the stream.

As it happens, either none

of the fish are feeding,

or they all feed

at the same time.

They go into feeding frenzy.

All bite.

And then just as suddenly

as it started, it stops.

It's observable, but it's

highly unpredictable.

And it has to do with,

I don't know,

weather, barometric pressure,

maybe some fish psychology.

If that's possible.

Anyway, the fish most readily bite

at the beginning of a light rain,

and I think that's because

they feel safe

when they swim in the stream.

Because they can't be seen

from above.

The water's surface is disturbed.

But then it started again.

Although, a bit more slowly.

Yeah. I think I know how.

Because fly fishing can be

done in several phases.

And if the fish stop biting,

you move on to phase two.

And in phase two, you not

only imitate an insect,

but an insect in trouble.

You pull... You pull the line.

You tug it irregularly,

so the fish gets the impression

that it's dealing with

an injured and easy prey.

And then helplessly, let the fly

float down the river again.

Then half-heartedly,

make a few jumps forward again.

It can be done... It can

be done very elegantly.

Hey.

Sorry.

Nothing to feel sorry about.

I'm just not feeling

very well today.

What could be so bad?

Oh, thank you.

I can't talk about it right now.

Can I just sit here

for awhile?

Yeah. Sure.

Is it better now?

No.

- Are you all right?

- It's Betty.

I was just told

that she's very ill.

Is Betty a close family member?

You could say that.

She's my dwarf hamster.

Dwarf hamster?

You can't be serious.

Well, what was I to do?

And then, I did have a dwarf

hamster when I was young.

That you were very close to?

Not at all.

A bloody nuisance.

Dwarf hamster?

That's not so bad.

Would have been worse

if it were a person.

Don't say that.

I'm extremely fond of my hamster.

Yes, I think that's a rather

cynical thing to say about Betty.

Yes, I made the cage nice

and cozy for her when...

- When I got her.

- I bet she liked that.

Betty was excited.

One of nature's

most meaningless creatures.

You're aware that

the choice of a dwarf hamster

possibly suggests certain

sexual connotations.

I can see that now

but it was really not

a conscious choice.

How long does a dwarf hamster

actually live?

Months, years?

Its life is much too short.

Would you show me

where the lavatory is?

I... have to blow my nose.

Just the same,

we were running out of subjects,

and B was ahead on points,

which led us to S's

first-class compartment.

Tickets, please.

Thank you. Ladies?

Tickets.

Well...

I think I might have lost it.

Perhaps.

Drop yours as well, did you?

I haven't bought a ticket

for your shitty train.

It's so bloody slow,

we should have been

at the end of the track

half an hour ago.

Regardless of delays, you still

need a ticket, sweetheart.

Eight pounds each, please.

Ooh!

I accidentally tore it up.

Can't expect me to pay

for scraps of paper.

- Have another one.

- Oh, great idea.

Oh, that one's disappeared too.

I can always just get the police

to collect your payment

at the next station...

Let's just take it easy here,

shall we?

Apparently, the young ladies

have left without any money.

If it's okay with you, I'd like

to pay for their tickets.

No, sir, it's not.

Leave your money where it is.

We'll let the police

deal with these two.

We did have sort of an agreement

that I was to pay.

I just forgot about it.

I see. Two first-class tickets...

for two first-class ladies.

Enjoy the rest of your journey.

Tickets, please.

Now that you've been

so nice to us...

we'd like to be nice to you, too.

Oh, that's very kind of you,

but there's no need.

I mean that.

You have to split them up

into whether they have

a goal and a mission or not.

That one doesn't.

Well, I've already lost anyway.

I'm willing to give you

five extra points...

if you can get that one in there.

I decided,

perhaps a bit desperately,

that the only thing

standing between me

and the bag of chocolate sweets,

was an unequivocal provocation

of this man.

Excellent. An induced take.

When all other attempts fail,

a dramatic provocation

can get an otherwise completely

passive fish to bite.

A salmon or a trout,

for example,

eats itself fat

while in salt water,

and then basically

has no need to eat

as it makes its way upstream

to the spawning grounds.

They're not hungry but they

will react instinctively

to the right provocation.

Which would not be a fly,

but for instance,

a brightly colored wobbler,

preferably red,

served immediately

in front of the fish.

The very best is one we call

the Finnish Weapon.

The so-called "Rappala."

I don't know if it's comparable,

but I decided in any case

to find out

why he hadn't taken the bait,

and to use my

psychological abilities,

which B, in my opinion,

didn't possess to the same degree.

You've bought a gift.

Yes.

It's for my wife.

- No gifts for the children?

- No.

We don't have any, actually.

Well, you seem rather well-to-do.

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