O Brother, Where Art Thou? Page #8

PETE:

Howdy do, ladies. Name of Pete!

Strangely, the three laundresses do not answer, though they

do smile at him as they continue to sing.

Pete tries again as he reaches into their laundry basket:

PETE:

Maybe I could help you with the, uh-

He realizes he is holding ladies' undergarments.

PETE:

Ahem. I, uh...

He drops them back in the basket.

PETE:

I don't believe I've, uh, heard that

song before...

Everett and Delmar have arrived; Everett is loud and jovial:

EVERETT:

Aintcha gonna innerduce us, Pete?

Pete's eyes stay glued on the women as he hisses out of the

corner of his mouth:

PETE:

Don't know their names. I seen 'em

first!

Everett laughs lightly.

EVERETT:

Ladies, you'll have to pardon my

friend here; Pete is dirt-ignorant

and unschooled in the social arts.

My name on the other hand is Ulysses

Everett McGill and you ladies are

about the three prettiest water lilies

it's ever been my privilege to admire.

None of the women respond but, as all continue to sing, one

brings a jug marked with three Xes to Everett.

EVERETT:

Why, thank you dear, that's very,

uh...

He takes a swig.

EVERETTE:

Mm. Corn licker, I guess, uh, the

preferred local uh...

He passes the jug to Pete as the woman runs her fingers

through his hair.

The other two women are approaching to likewise tousle Pete

and Delmar.

Delmar's woman caresses his face and, by squeezing his cheeks,

smushes his mouth into a pucker.

DELMAR:

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

The singing continues. The stream gurgles. Somewhere, in the

distance, flies lazily buzz.

PETE:

Damn!

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

CLOSE ON DELMAR:

We are very tight. Delmar's eyes are closed. We hear loud

snoring. At length his eyelids flutter open, but the snoring

continues.

Delmar groggily props himself on one elbow.

It is late afternoon. He is still on the riverbank. Everett

snores nearby.

The ladies are gone. The hamper of laundry is gone. Pete is

gone.

After looking blearily about for a moment, Delmar starts and

staggers to his feet.

DELMAR:

Holy Saint Christopher!

He toes Everett urgently in the ribs.

EVERETT:

Whuhh...

DELMAR:

Oh sweet Lord, Everett, looka this!

Pete's clothes are laid out on the ground, not in a heap,

but mimicking the human shape, as if he had been simply

vaporized fron within them.

Everett rouses himself and looks at the clothes: He scans

the opposite river bank.

EVERETT:

PETE! Where the heck are ya! We ain't

got time for your shenanigans!

Delmar stares horrified at the pile of clothes: a spot in

the middle of the shirt is rising and falling, rising and

falling.

DELMAR:

Sweet Jesus, Everett! They left his

heart!

Everett joins Delmar to look. The rhythmic rising and falling

now travels up the shirt. A large yellow toad sticks its

head out from under the collar.

Delmar keens. Everett is bewildered.

EVERETT:

What on earth is goin' on here! What's

got into you, Delmar!

DELMAR:

Caintcha see it Everett! Them sigh-

reens did this to Pete! They loved

him up an' turned him into a horney-

toad!

The toad hops down the river bank.

DELMAR:

Pete! Come back!

He slides down the bank after the toad, Everett watching in

perturbation.

The toad plops into the river and Delmar dives in after him.

He emerges a moment later with the toad wriggling in his

hand.

DELMAR:

Don't worry, Pete! It's me, Delmar!

Oh Everett! What're we gonna do?!

DRIVING:

We hear soft whimpering as Everett drives, sneaking worried

glances over at the passenger seat.

Delmar has the toad in his lap. He whimpers as he pets it.

Everett hesitantly offers:

EVERETT:

...I'm not sure that's Pete.

DELMAR:

Course it's Pete! Look at 'im!

The frog croaks.

DELMAR:

We gotta find some kinda wizard can

change 'im back!

A beat. Delmar continues to whimper.

Everett squints and shakes his head.

EVERETT:

...I'm just not sure that's Pete.

FINE RESTAURANT:

The tables are formally laid with linen. Delmar and Everett

sit at a table, a shoebox between them, deep in conversation.

EVERETT:

You can't display a toad in a fine

restaurant like this! Why, the good

folks here'd go right off their feed!

DELMAR:

I just don't think it's right, keepin'

him under wraps like we's ashamed of

him.

EVERETT:

Well if that is Pete I am ashamed of

him. The way I see it he got what

he deserved - fornicating with some

whore a Babylon. These things-

He points a knife at the shoebox.

EVERETT:

-don't happen for no reason, Delmar.

Obviously it's some kind of judgment

on Pete's character.

ANOTHER PATRON:

We are looking over the shoulder of a broad-shouldered man

in a cream-colored suit and a shirt with powder-blue collar.

He is digging into a huge plateful of steak and eggs. Sensing

something, he looks up, c*cks his head, and then slowly turns

to look back.

He thus reveals a cream-colored eyepatch with powder-blue

trim; his good eye is looking intently off - at Everett and

Delmar, who continue arguing, out of earshot.

BACK TO EVERETT AND DELMAR

Still heatedly discussing.

DELMAR:

The two of us was fixing to fornicate!

The waitress has just arrived for their order. Everett gives

her an ingratiating laugh:

EVERETT:

Heh-heh. You'll have to excuse my

rusticated friend here, unaccustomed

as he is to city manners.

He ostentatiously fans some of his money.

EVERETT:

Well mamzel I guess we'll have a

couple a steaks and some gratinated

potatoes and wash it down with your

finest bubbly wine-

BIG MAN:

Watching Everett fan his money. The big man stops chewing

and slowly raises his napkin to his lips to give them a dainty

pat.

BACK TO EVERETT AND DELMAR

As Everett closes his menu.

EVERETT:

...And I don't suppose the chef'd

have any nits or grubs in the pantry,

or - naw, never mind, just bring me

a couple leafs a raw cabbage.

WAITRESS:

Yes sir.

The big man appears as she leaves.

BIG MAN:

Don't believe I've seen you boys

around here before! Allow me

t'innerduce myself: name of Daniel

Teague, known in these precincts as

Big Dan Teague or, to those who're

pressed for time, Big Dan toot court.

EVERETT:

How d'you do, Big Dan. I'm Ulysses

Everett McGill; this is my associate

Delmar O'Donnell. I sense that,

like me, you are endowed with the

gift of gab.

Big Dan chuckles as he draws up a chair.

BIG DAN:

I flatter myself that such is the

case; in my line of work it's plumb

necessary. The one thing you don't

want is air in the conversation.

EVERETT:

Once again we find ourselves in

agreement. What kind of work do you

do, Big Dan?

BIG DAN:

Sales, Mr. McGill, sales! And what

do I sell? The Truth! Ever' blessed

word of it, from Genesee on down to

Revelations! That's right, the word

of God, which let me add there is

damn good money in during these days

of woe and want! Folks're lookin'

for answers and Big Dan Teague sells

the only book that's got 'em! What

do you do - you and your tongue-tied

friend?

DELMAR:

Uh, we uh-

EVERETT:

We're adventurers, sir, currently

pursuin' a certain opportunity but

open to others as well.

BIG DAN:

I like your style, young man, so I'm

gonna propose you a proposition. You

cover my check so I don't have to

run back up to my room, have your

waitress wrap your dinner picnic-

style, and we'll retire to more

private environs where I will explain

to you how vast amounts of money can

be made in the service of God Amighty.

Rate this script:4.5 / 6 votes