Odd Girl Out Page #2

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- Dito!

- 'Dito'?

Double dito!

Double double dito times a

thousand trillions!

'... and forever more shall find

her destiny to live alone no more. '

Good night, Mr. Fluffy.

Oh God, my head...

I must be dreaming. Time to wake up.

What was that?

Tits!

I have tits. Two tits!

This is the regular number of tits

but for a guy? What's going on here?

Oh my god, it's gone!

This looks bad. If it's

gone and I have tits -

that means this must be a dream.

A very very bad 'Now I have tits' dream.

What is this?

This isn't my room!

We need to talk!

Talk? She want's to talk?

Let's talk about why I'm

going through a drawer...

full of underwear with the

days of the week on them.!

Oh God!

OK, now my pubes knows it Wednesday!

It's tough enough getting

these damn things off!

How the hell does anyone

get these things on?

Ladies, looks like you and

me is going au naturelle.

Go away!

Alright, coast is clear.

Get off.

Good morning!

- Nell, is everything OK?

- I didn't see you there!

- Your oatmeal is on the table.

- I'm in a hurry, gotta go.

Nonsense, now you sit down, it's

the most important meal of the day.

And oatmel is wonderful for promoting

healthy and regular bowel movements.

That's cool if I want to take

a dump the size of my head.

Excuse me?

Oatmeal's good, mummy.

musicDeep Purple: Hush/music

Is this meat?

- You have oatmeal?

- Are you shitting me?

- Porkmeat's good.

- Eat up, son

Jesus, I'm gonna puke.

Golly, you must have been hungry.

You need a second helping.

You wait there, young lady!

How's it going, pretty boy?

Let's go!

It will turn you into

a big strong girl!

Excuse me.

See you later.

Nell, aren't you forgetting something?

Holy crap, look at the

size of that thing!

What thing?

Gotta go mom, see you later.

Hop in man, we got places to go,

people to see, women to impregnate.

You OK?

Yeah, I'm fine!

Really?

The b*tch stole my ride!

- We're going a little fast?

- You bet your sweet ass we are!

I am going to die!

Oh god, I'm getting on

the bus. I haven't...

been on the bus since 8th grade!

Come on!

Screw you a**holes!

That's no way for

a young lady to talk!

Sorry, I'm a b*tch when I'm on

the rag, you know what I'm saying?

- Sorry!

- Yeah, you too.

And this dress is just amazing

You!

What the hell have you

done to me, witch lady?

Get your hands off me, you bully!

God, you think I'm responsible for this?

I certainly am not. And you're

the one who knows everything.

That does not include this!

This is impossible.

This can not happen!

You better figure out how

to get my damn body back.

Trust me, there's nothing

I would like more.

You think I relish waking up

another day with the Simpsons?

Leave my parents out of this.

And what is up with your mother?

She never heard of volume control?

Yak farmers in Tibet are praying

for her to keep the volume down.

And her language, my goodness!

My mother does not have a mole

on her face the size of the White House.

So she's got a problem

with moles. Besides,

it's not a mole, it's a beauty spot!

I can spot that beauty from Wisconsin!

Insensitive pig!

I don't want to be a boy, OK?

Especially I don't want to be you!

No, no, no, don't cry, not here.

Maybe it's just one of those 24

hour things. Like a head cold.

Tomorrow we could be back to normal.

Just try not to attract

any unnecessary attention.

Gross, I have to touch it? Ewww!

I will never eat finger food from a

buffet again for as long as I live.

Your homework was to prepare a

speech on the greatest living American.

I'm sorry I missed it

but I was excused...

from homework due to

cheerleading practice.

I see. And Nell?

What?

Your speech please. On the

greatest living American?

I think the greatest

living American is...

...J-Lo.

- J-Lo?

- You know, Jennifer Lopez?

Singer, movie star. She had a thing

with that dude from 'Pearl Harbor'.

I know who J-Lo is now.

I am just very interested

to hear what you...

perceive qualifies her for

such a unique accolade.

The thing about J-Lo is that...

...she's from the streets..

And now she's like this big movie

star and... she's still really cool.

She used to have a little,

now she's got a lot.

But she's still J-Lo from the block.

And I think that's pretty damn great.

And she's American.

And she's a wife.

I see.

J- Lo?

Pretty good, huh? It just

flew right into my head.

At least there's plenty

of space for it to land.

What is your problem? I happen to

like J-Lo! She's a hot booty!

You do not bestow an

honor such as 'Greatest

Living American' solely on

the fact of a hot booty!

I didn't! She also happen to

have a terrific set of funbags!

Woody Deanne, you're

an idiot and a Philistine.

Know what, I don't appreciate

you calling me an idiot.

And I don't know what

that other thing is...

but as sure as hell

ain't one of them either.

Hey Woody!

What a lovely sight.

Swill time at Getty Central.

Dear God, now I have to eat

with these creatures?

My parents are going

out tonight, maybe you...

wanna come over to discuss

what you wanna wear

for the homecoming dance?

I have things to do.

What I meant was: we'd be alone.

So maybe I might do

that thing when I...

- You filthy little slut!

- You do that?

Last week he begged me to do that!

- So what is it, what do you do?

- Get lost, you little spastic.

I can not believe Woody turned down

the chance to have sex with me tonight!

Am I in like bizarro world?

If I had Richard Wainwright

sniffing around me,

I wouldn't waste my time on Woody.

It's not that simple Tiffany.

Today football captain,

tomorrow GQ Man of the Year.

You need to plan these things!

Personally I'd be relived if Horse and

I didn't have sex.

Sometimes I think it's

the only reason he's with me.

That is so not true Chanel.

You have many fine qualities.

Really? Like what?

You have excellent taste in earrings.

And your hair looks really good.

And you're friends

with me. Case closed.

- Woodster! Come on in, my man.

- How are you?

Cool as frozen sh*t, homie.

Yo, we have extra practice tonight,

alright, don't forget!

I'm in the mood to

kick some serious ass!

Oh yeah, me too!

...only I have a prior

engagement that...

conflicts with the

whole ass kicking thing.

Wait, we're a week away

from the game against Lamont.

Do you know what the coach will do to

your nuts if you don't show up tonight?

No, I'll tell you. He will

grind them into dust.

Nut dust.

And the only kids you'd be able to have

is the itsy-bitsy patter ones.

Alright, here we go!

Wood?

Cut the ball, man!

- Woody?

- Sorry, coach.

Alright, let's get this.

Go!

- Wood man, come on!

- Wake up, boy!

Sorry, coach.

I got it!

What the hell were you doing out

there? You play like a damn woman!

I'm a little pique.

- It means off colour.

- I know what 'picque' means!

You listen to me, and you listen good!

This homecoming game is gonna be

the biggest game in those boys' lives.

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