Odd Thomas Page #3

great respect for your balance, sir.

Son that sounds perilously close

to being bullshit.

There's a little bit of

bullshit in it. A little.

But it's mostly sincere.

Odd this is one of

our newer officers...

- Bern Eckles.

- Oh, hi. We met yesterday.

Good collar, that Harlo character.

I can't believe

I once dated that perv.

And of course you know Lysette.

Bern, I want you

to do a little DMV check on..

this guy Odd was telling me about.

I think Officer Eckles

is a little worried

I might try to hook up with you.

Karla and the chief

are trying to set us up...

him being new to the force and all.

It's like cleaning fluid

with sugar in it.

Which reminds me, how's your dad?

He's selling pieces of the moon

online, vacation home sites.

Is that legal?

He certainly doesn't guarantee

the quality of the air.

And how's it going with Bronwen?

She prefers "Stormy. "

Who wouldn't?

Did you used to play piano?

I did, yeah, for years.

How'd you know that?

'Cause you have really

beautifuI hands.

I bet you play like a dream.

You know Odd, you're a strange one.

Yeah, I can't disagree with that.

Bit of an oddball.

That was my nickname

all through high school.

But you do have your charms.

That's what Stormy says.

Personally,

I find it rather dubious.

You know, if you ever decide

to give cooking lessons...

you should give me a call.

I bet you really know

how to whisk.

Sure, yeah,

with scrambled eggs and stuff.

But, pancakes, you really,

you got to fold em.

But, mostly,

I just fry, fry, fry, you know?

Hey, Odd. We got to talk.

Robertson moved here

five months ago.

Before that,

he was living with his mother.

Inherited a shitload

when she died last year.

Clean record, though.

Not even a speeding ticket.

How'd his mother die?

Officer Eckles is checking on

that right now.

But otherwise,

I got squat on your Fungus Bob.

I can't hold him.

All right, well, you do agree that

he's strange and suspicious, right?

If strange and suspicious were

enough to put someone in jail...

you'd already be there.

You're gonna watch him right?

Only because you're never wrong,

I'll put on a tail on him

and watch his house.

You go and have

your dinner with Stormy.

She's the one.

You are one smooth operator, Odd.

She must love to hear you say that.

I love to hear me say it.

You better not be hauling

any dead guys on my scooter.

- Dead don't ride scooters.

- Just saying.

I'd have to scrub

the seat for hours.

Destroying the pleather.

I see you left your hormone

spigot running, griddle boy.

Crank it shut.

This is a church.

I know it's a church.

I have a brain, you know.

You know why I call you Pooh Bear?

Because I'm so cuddly.

Because his head is full of stuffin'

Now listen to me, odd one.

I don't want you going back

to that creepy room again.

It doesn't exist anymore.

Well, don't go looking for

it hoping it'll come back.

- Never crossed my mind.

- Yes, it did.

- Yes, it did.

- It is a gate to the underworld...

and you are forbidden by me

to ever play in it again.

It's hard enough living with a guy who

helps dead people without having to

trek all the way down to hell

to pull his ass out of the fire.

Since when are we living together?

We will be.

Oh, I guess I didn't think

"Let's put a pin in it" meant "Yes. "

You have to learn to listen

with more than just your ears.

Stormy, what body part am

I supposed to listen with?

Right. My heart.

I'm supposed to listen with my heart.

Listen with my heart.

I will do something big

to improve our financial situation.

- Your idea about selling car tires?

- Bigger.

And what, from your perspective,

is bigger than tires?

- Shoes.

- Shoes?

Yeah, think about it.

A family of 5 might have 2 cars

but they have 10 feet.

Not only that, but they need

different kinds of shoes.

Dress shoes, winkle pickers,

high-tops, low-tops, running shoes-

But not you. You have

5 pairs of the same sneakers.

- Like I said

- You're not like most people.

Not in the least.

Do you want crackers

with your cheese?

We have a problem.

Crackers aren't a problem,

just a choice.

- Come on.

- What?

- Come on! It's Fungus Bob!

- What!

He followed me. I don't know how.

Sh*t! Come on! Come on!

- It's him? You're sure?

- Sure, I'm sure!

You don't think the two of us

could kick his ass?

Not this guy.

- Come on!

- The sacristy!

The back door.

Come on. Come on.

Wait! Wait. Come here.

We're heading towards danger,

not away from it. I can feeI it.

It's like he's everywhere.

He's in front of us. He's behind us.

Come on.

Let's go back the way we came.

- Let's call the cops.

- No time.

I have a better plan.

You stay here.

I'm gonna run over there

and open the door.

If he doesn't lunge through,

you run that way.

If, however, he does lunge through,

you run this way and

I'll try to follow you.

Some plan, odd one.

It's the best I've got.

Full of stuffin'.

Does that mean "Get on with it"

or "Up yours"?

Unbelievable.

Right.

Come on! Come on!

Chief, it's Stormy.

I'm sorry to drop in on date night,

but here's Odd.

Sir, if you send a car real

quick to St. Bart's...

you may be able to catch

Robertson trashing the sacristy...

or even the whole church.

What was he doing

vandalizing St. Bart's?

He was trying to catch me

and Stormy in the belfry.

What were you and Stormy

doing in the belfry?

Well, we were having a picnic, sir.

I'm sure that makes sense to you.

My guy at Robertsons house said

he still hasn't been home yet.

Yeah, because apparently

Bob's been too busy following me.

Oh, one second.

- Where are you going?

- To get some food.

How can you think

of dinner right now?

Because I'm hungry.

Look, Odd.

Vandalism, big deaI.

I thought you said this guy

was gonna bring on the apocalypse.

Yes, sir, on August 15th,

which is less than 3 hours away.

Trust me, that is the day that

Pico Mundo will never forget.

Lyle!

Oh. Hi, Odd. Hi Stormy.

- Hi, Ozzie.

- Hey, Oz.

Odd.

- I'll be right back.

- Lyle, you know that

I know guys who know guys, right?

Right. - Right.

So if you guys don't stop

messing up my takeout orders..

you're the one that's gonna

get taken out. Get it?

- Got it.

- Good.

Oz, Oz, watch your blood pressure.

My blood- Hey, Odd...

my blood has got

cholesterol molecules

the size of marshmallows in it...

and if it wasn't for a little

righteous outrage every now and again

my arteries would

completely collapse.

I finished that

trinket you asked for.

Perfect.

Wow, Oz, what exactly is this?

It's a steel heart 6 inches

in diameter, like you said.

No, I said...

"A piece of steel 6 inches

in diameter to go over a heart. "

Well, man,

I embellished, you know?

I get in the moment.

I mean, why would Stormy

wanna wear that?

It's not for Stormy.

I keep having this image of a...

a bullet going through a heart.

It's perfect. Thank you.

Hey, Chief.

- This place is trashed.

- Yeah, it was Bob Robertson, sir.

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