Office Space

Starring

Ron Livingston (Peter), Jennifer Aniston (Joanna), Ajay Naidu (Samir),

David Herman (Michael), and Gary Cole (Bill

Written by:

Transcribed by

Jean Liew

[Scene:
A highway. There's a huge traffic jam. Peter drives forward a

bit at a time and he sees an old man with a walker on the sidewalk. The

lane next to his is moving, so he switches lanes, only to have it stop

and the lane he was on move. He switches back and then it happens

again. The old man is now ahead of him.]

Cut to Michael, who's rapping along with the radio. A black guy selling

papers walks by and he shuts the windows and turns down the volume. He

passes and he turns it back up again.

Cut to Samir. He grabs the steering wheel and shakes it in frustration.

SAMIR:

Motherf - sh*t - sonofa - ass!! I just -

He hits the steering wheel.

Cut to Milton at a bus stop. TN

He mumbles his coming lines, as he does with all his lines.

MILTON:

It's late again. If I'm there late again, I will be dismissed.

[Scene:
Initech parking lot. Bill drives into his special spot.

(Reserved for Bill Lumbergh) He turns on the alarm for his Porsche

(license plate:
MY PRSHE) and walks in. Peter walks in too.]

Cut to inside. Peter pauses at the door and slowly reaches out to touch

the metal handle. It gives him a shock and he enters.

Cut to the cubicles. Peter goes into his. He picks up papers, turns on

the computer and sits down.

NINA:

Corporate Counsels Payroll, Nina speaking. Just a moment.

(repeats that over and over)

Bill comes up to Peter.

BILL:

Hello, Peter. What's happening? Uh… we have sort of a problem here.

Yeah. You apparently didn't put one of the new coversheets on your TPS

reports.

PETER:

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I, I forgot.

BILL:

MMMM..YEAH. YOU SEE, WE'RE PUTTING THE COVERSHEETS ON ALL TPS REPORTS

NOW BEFORE THEY GO OUT. DID YOU SEE THE MEMO ABOUT THIS?

PETER:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've got the memo right here, but, uh, uh, I just

forgot. But, uh, it's not shipping out until tomorrow, so there's no

problem.

BILL:

Yeah. If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on,

that will be great. And Uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another

copy of that memo Mmmm, Ok?

He walks away.

PETER:

Yeah, yeah, I've got the memo, I've got -

He picks it up but Bill's at another cubicle.

BILL:

Hello, Phil. What's happening?

Peter tries to read his papers, but a loud radio (news) is bothering

him. He stands up and sees it's Milton.

PETER:

Milton? Uh, could you turn that down just a little bit?

MILTON:

Uh, they said I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from

nine to eleven while I'm collating….

PETER:

But, no, no, no. I know you're allowed to, I was just thinking, like a

personal favor, y'know?

MILTON:

I, I told Bill that if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones while

she' working, I can listen to the radio while I'm collating -

PETER:

Ok.

MILTON:

So I don't see why -

PETER:

Ok.

MILTON:

The radio, I can't -

PETER:

Yeah! All right!

He sits down.

MILTON:

I enjoy listening to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to

eleven.

Dom walks up.

DOM:

Hello, Peter. What's happening? (Big smile)We need to talk about your

TPS reports.

PETER:

Yeah. The coversheet. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it.

DOM:

Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?

PETER:

Yeah. (holds it up) I got the memo. And I understand the policy. The

problem is, I just forgot this time. And I've already taken care of it

so it's not a problem anymore.

Dom nods.

DOM:

Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS

reports before now before they go out now. So I'd really appreciate it

if you could just remember to do that. from now on. That'd be great.

He walks away. Peter's phone rings and he answers it.

PETER:

Peter Gibbons. (listens) Yes. (listens) I have the memo.

[Scene Another part of the room. Paper jams in the printer.]

SAMIR:

Oh no! Not again! Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper

jam?!! I, I swear to God, one of these days, I, I, I just kick this

piece of sh*t out the window!!!

MICHAEL:

you and me both, man. The thing is lucky I'm not armed.

Samir grabs the paper out, tearing off the bottom part of it.

SAMIR:

Piece of sh*t!!

Nina comes with papers.

NINA:

Sam...ire...Na...Na...Naga...

Samir gets it.

NINA:

Uh-huh!

SAMIR:

Please.

He sits in his and Michael's cubicle.

NINA:

Michael… - (Michael reaches for it) Bolton?

MICHAEL:

That's me.

NINA:

Wow! Is that your real name?

MICHAEL:

Yeah.

NINA:

So are you related to the singer guy?

MICHAEL:

No, it's just a coincidence.

SAMIR:

How come no one in this country can pronounce my name right? It's Na-

gee-een-ah-jah. Nagaenajar

MICHAEL:

At least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

SAMIR:

Michael, there's nothing wrong with that name.

MICHAEL:

There was nothing wrong with it. Until I was about nine years old and

that no-talent assclown became famous and started winning Grammys.

SAMIR:

Well, why don't just go by Mike, instead of Michael?

MICHAEL:

WHY SHOULD I CHANGE IT? HE'S THE ONE WHO SUCKS.

Peter comes up to their cubicle.

PETER:

HEY GUYS.

MICHAEL:

What's up G?

PETER:

Wanna go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee?

SAMIR:

It's a little early...

PETER:

I gotta get out of here. I think I'm gonna lose it.

NINA:

Uh oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

[Scene Chotchkie's. They're sitting at a booth thing.]

PETER:

Boy. I tell ya, one of these days... One of these days it's gonna be

like

He mimics a machine gun. Brian, a waiter, does it too, in Peter's face.

BRIAN:

(LAUGHS)

SO CAN I GET YOU GENTLEMEN SOMETHING MORE TO DRINK? OR MAYBE SOMETHING

TO NIBBLE ON? SOME PIZZA SHOOTERS, SHRIMP POPPERS, OR EXTREME FAJITAS.

PETER:

Just coffee.

BRIAN:

Oh. Sounds like a case of the Mondays.

He goes to take some more orders.

PETER:

What if we're still doing this when we're 50?

SAMIR:

It could be nice to have that kind of job security.

PETER:

Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday, I, I can tell already. I'm

doing it because, because, uh, I'm a big p*ssy. Which is why I work at

Initech to begin with.

MICHAEL:

Uh, I work at Initech and I don't consider myself a p*ssy, ok?

SAMIR:

Yes, I am also not a p*ssy.

MICHAEL:

I'm gonna find out the hard way that I'm not a p*ssy if they don't

start treating us software people better.

SAMIR:

That's right.

MICHAEL:

They don't understand. I could come up with a program that could rip

that place off big time…big time.

PETER:

Yeah.

Cut to Joanna, a pretty waitress.

Cut back to the guys.

PETER:

Oh, there she is.

SAMIR:

Peter, you, you always talk about this girl. If you're so obsessed with

her, why don't you just ask her out?

PETER:

Because I'm just another a**hole customer. You can't just walk up to a

waitress and ask her out.

(cut to Joanna, and back to them)

Plus, I'm still trying to work it out with Anne. Oh, that reminds me.

I'm not going to be able to play poker with you guys on Friday.

MICHAEL:

Why not?

PETER:

Uh, I have to see this occupational hypnotherapist with Anne.

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