Old School

[speaker drones, indistinct]

Real Estate Query Engine

is a virtual rubicon of information,

putting the lawyer himself

at the controls.

Listen, I'm going to take off, okay?

I'm gonna try and catch the 2:00 back.

You're leaving the seminar now?

It's not even intermission.

- I don't think you can do that.

- No, it's fine. Just cover for me, okay?

- Get it all.

- I guess.

- Listen, could we have your badge?

- Yeah.

It's worth two free drinks

at the Meet and Greet.

Hello.

I'm going to the airport.

I'm kind of in a hurry, too.

Sir, your seat belt

seems to be broken.

What do you recommend I do?

I recommend you stop being such a f*ggot.

You're in the back seat.

Jesus.

See?

[metal detector beeps]

[electronic beeping]

[detector beeps]

Hello?

Hey, boy.

Good boy, Orson.

Where's Mommy?

Honey?

Heidi?

[woman moaning]

Heidi?

[moaning]

[moaning continues]

Mitch!

What are you doing home?

You totally scared me!

I scared you?

Because for a second, I thought...

I don't even want to say it.

[moaning]

Wow.

That's, like, pretty hard-core.

Yeah, I know.

No, I'm not judging.

Don't be embarrassed.

This is a major turn-on.

Let's go with this.

- Is this what you do when I'm gone?

- Mitch, wait.

No, I mean, I do it myself every once

in a while, but to magazines.

Okay, Mitch, we need to talk.

- Hello!

- Aah!

[couple screaming]

[barking]

Be honest.

Please tell me this is the first time

this has happened.

Well, do you want me to be honest, or you

want me to tell you this is the first time?

- Jesus, what is wrong with you?

- Nothing is wrong with me!

I've tried to tell you about this.

What? When?

- All the time!

- Like when?

- Like, when we're in bed and stuff.

- In bed?

I thought you were just talking dirty.

I was, but I was being serious.

You've said some really sick stuff.

You have to admit it,

we haven't exactly been living the most

exciting lives in the world.

This is a totally different kind

of satisfaction for me.

It's purely sexual.

Ooh!

[crying]

I'm really sorry.

[doorbell rings]

Hello.

Yeah?

I'm here for the gang bang.

[sighs]

[church bell rings]

[pipe organ playing]

You look a little pale, Mitch.

You need to breathe.

Let a little blood up in your face there,

will ya?

- I don't want to breathe.

- You should be proud of yourself.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to land

a girl as sexually enlightened as Heidi is?

A girl like that comes around, what,

once every hundred years?

I wasn't looking for a girl like that.

Columbus wasn't looking for America,

but that seemed to work out for everybody.

You're here.

You know what I mean?

Hey, I just want to thank you

one last time for being here.

It's the best day ever.

Don't even start with me, Franklin, okay?

You need to walk away from this ASAP.

- What?

- You need to get out, Frankie.

[wedding march plays]

This is it. It's now or never. You need

to get out of here while you're still single.

- I'm not single.

- She's 30 yards away, you're single now.

Come on, Marissa's the best thing

that's ever happened to me.

Why don't you give that six months.

You don't think that'll change?

I got a wife, kids.

Do I seem like a happy guy to you,

Frankie?

There's my wife. See that?

Always smiling? Hi, honey.

Judging, watching, "Look at the baby."

She's coming down the aisle, Beanie.

Let it go.

Let me be the first to say

congratulations to you then.

You get one vagina for the rest of your life.

Real smart. Way to work it through.

- [Mitch:
] Don't listen to him.

- [Frank:
] I need my inhaler.

It takes a man to give away an angel.

You're a sweetheart.

You look beautiful.

Great.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here together

to join Franklin and Marissa...

Don't do it!

[coughs loudly]

My throat is dry.

I'm sorry.

I'm a smoker.

Okay.

# Turn around

# Every now and then

I get a little bit lonely

# And you're never coming round

Turn around

# Every now and then

I get a little bit tired

# Of listening to the sound of my tears

Turn around

# Every now and then

I get a little bit nervous

# That the best of

All the years have gone by

# Turn around

# Every now and then

I get a little bit terrified

# I see the f***in' look in your eyes

Turn around, bright eyes

# Every now and then I fall apart

# Turn around, bright eyes

# F***in' every now and then

I fall apart

# And I need you now tonight

# I f***in' need you more than ever

[singing off key]

# Look in your eye

# And then I fall apart

I need you more than ever

Mitch Martin?

Yeah.

Nicole!

My God!

This is crazy!

I can't believe it's you!

God.

- What are you doing here?

- I was invited.

The last time that I had heard,

you had moved to...

- What do you call it?

- Denver.

The Sunshine State.

Denver!

Gorgeous!

Gorgeous!

Oh, boy.

Are you okay?

No, I'm...

Yeah, I just feel a little...

f***ed up.

Yeah, Marissa told me about your

girlfriend. I'm very sorry.

The thing about that one is,

is it's not just that.

It's a combination of things.

We had a dog,

we had a great place,

but all just...

[deflating noise]

You know what?

I think you should have some of this.

- What's in this one?

- Coffee.

[slurping]

[laughing, then screams]

Ow! Oww! Jesus!

- I am so sorry! Please, just...

- No, don't touch!

- I can fix it. Just...

- Mitch, really.

- No, Mitch!

- What are you doing to this poor girl?

Mitch, stop it!

I got it.

No. Inappropriate.

Stop it right now.

- Sweetie, there's a bathroom over here.

- Thank you.

Mitch, honey? Hon?

Why don't you go get some air, okay?

Walk it off.

No, wait a second.

Yeah?

- Put in a good word for me.

- Yeah, okay.

[yodeling]

# Lay, oh-de-lay, oh-de-lay hee hoo!

# Sparkling, clear and lovely

# You're my

# Lady

Hey, Marissa!

You're the lady.

[applause, clinking glasses]

Can't hear you!

Excuse me.

I'd like to say I'm really glad

and proud to be here tonight.

I'm glad to see Frank's dad made it out.

I haven't seen him in eight years.

That's great.

Congratulations.

I love you, Dad!

True love is hard to find.

Sometimes you think you have true love,

and then you catch the early flight

home from San Diego,

and a couple of nude people

jump out of your bathroom blindfolded

Iike a goddamn magic show,

ready to double-team your girlfriend...

It stops right there

and it continues right here,

because I think what Mitch is trying to say

is that true love is blind.

Let's raise our glasses,

whatever we got in front of us.

Salute. Health and happiness.

Cheers, everybody.

I love you so much, Frankie.

I love you.

I'm not a talker.

I love you.

Congratulations.

I thought you said near campus.

This is practically on-campus. It's sick.

- This is great.

- How did you land this place?

I don't know, it was pretty easy, actually.

A professor lived here for, like,

That's awesome!

That's awesome.

A little housewarming.

To new beginnings.

Thanks.

Actually, I gave this to you

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