On Approval Page #5

Thank you Helen, and some butter.

Oh yes.

George.

Maria.

In the cellar there's some

champagne, moselle, hock...

please let me fetch some for you.

Maria, you know I

never drink at lunch.

I want you too. I want you

to let me fetch to it for you.

If you'll allow me to say so, I

find your jokes singularly unfunny.

Would you like some rice pudding?

To say I would like some rice pudding

would be both inaccurate and insincere...

to say that I'm hungry and will eat

some is an entirely different matter.

Where's the cream?

There is no cream.

What, no cream?

George.

Maria.

Look at me. Does my face

express anything to you?

No.

Do you know what would give me more

pleasure than anything in the world?

I can't imagine.

To rub your nose in the rice pudding.

You should try to avoiud crudity Maria.

I'm afraid I haven't

put enough milk in it.

I agree, but what it lacks in

milk it make up for in rice.

Throw it at him,

throw it at him.

I can quite see why you don't

keep your servants Maria.

George, please.

Are you suggesting that it's

my fault my servants left me?

I'll put it another way, I suggest

that one has to like you very much...

to remain in the same

house with you Maria dear.

Just one second.

Well Richard you must be quite exhausted.

Oh thank you Helen, I'm alright.

Where's Maria?

In the kitchen.

She alright?

Well of course she's alright.

That is not true. Richard my dear fellow

I have some very bad news for you.

Do you mean that she's annoyed

at me for being so long.

Worse than that, far worse.

What?

What do you think?

She pulled my nose.

Why isn't the damn thing bleeding?

Why did she pull your nose?

I've no idea.

It doesn't seem to have improved it.

So this is the return I get for

coming up here to help you win her.

Let me tell you something, I haven't got

a chance in the world of winning her...

and even if I had, it'd be in

spite of you. At least 50 times...

I don't want to fight anymore,

I shall go outside and read.

Give me my newspaper.

I didn't have time to get it.

You mean to say you

haven't bought me my Times?

I have not.

Well of all the selfish devils.

Oh i've forgotten to

send Maria's telegram.

Good.

Come on Manchu.

Oh there you are at last Richard. I

hope you remebered to send my telegram.

Oh I'm terribly sorry,

I'm afraid I didn't.

Really, it's too bad of you.

Do you realise I shall have

nothing to read for 2 or 3 days?

Oh I know, I can't tell

you how sorry I am.

If i'd known you weren't going to

send it, i'd've gone myself.

I notice you've bought

all the things you want.

Tell her to go to hell.

What did you say?

Tell her to go to hell.

What?

I said you look tired

and not at all well.

Nonsense.

I'm alright really I am.

He's quite alright, aren't you?

Yes of course.

Oh tell me something

I can do to make up.

Why not give Manchu his little

bath. Think you could?

Yes of course. I have a way

with animals. They take to me.

How you can hope to

impress Maria favourably

by ill-treating her

little dog, I don't know.

I bent down in a friendly

way, nothing more...

and the little beast bit me.

Oh what's the use?

Give me that Richard.

It's lucky for you that I feel

particularly good tempered tonight.

And what caused that?

Drink, food or money?

None of those. I have decided

to make Helen a faithful husband.

Jolly decent of you.

Well it's a most unusual thing...

in our family.

I agree.

I have been watching Helen carefully,

and I have come to the conclusion

that she's a fit and proper

person to be the Duchess of Bristol.

Does she think you're a fit and

proper person to be the duke?

Tonight, after a simple meal,

a glass of wine, I hope...

and a cigar.

Where do you hide your cigars?

I only brought 50 and very considerately

only smoke them when you're no there.

You mean devil.

As I was saying...

tonight, after a simple meal etcetera

I shall ask her to become my wife.

It's my experience that after

a meal, simple or otherwise...

you invariably go to sleep.

Sleep? On this, my night of romance.

Sleep?

Dammit, is there no

peace in this house?

I agree.

That's very very interesting.

Oh Maria, I'm terribly sorry.

You frightened me, I was asleep.

Really? -You know how one says

things when one's half unconcious.

The last man I married was

frequently in that condition.

I found that was the only

time he spoke the truth.

But you know I didn't mean it.

Then why say it?

Well good heavens woman I...

Don't call me woman

and don't shout at me.

I'm not deaf.

I'm sorry Maria.

And if you must smoke cigars,

which i've told you I hate,

kindly don't drop

your ash on the floor.

Now get something and clean it up.

Yes darling.

There's another bit there.

Why Richard what are you doing?

Sweeping up George's cigar ash.

I'm sorry to have interrupted

your after dinner nap Richard,

but since you're awake now, perhaps

you've no objection to

my going on practising?

Of course not Maria.

Thank you.

I cannot understand it.

Before I came here she always gave

me the impression that she liked me.

It's too bad.

What do you suggets I do?

Tell her to go to hell.

What?

Tell her to go to H E double L.

Why I couldn't do that!

Richard, when I'm married

you can live with us.

I'll even insist in Helen

making you a small allowance.

Certainly not! How much?

Well Helen's a very well-to-do

girl. 5 shillings a week.

Why Helen, what a charming

answer to my thoughts.

You were thinking of me George?

Indeed I was.

Do you remember this music?

Yes I know it very well.

Do you remember where

you heard it last?

I've heard it so often you know.

You don't mind cigars?

No I like them.

That's why you're so

delightful, so sympathetic...

you always seem to understand.

I hope you will always think so George.

I shall, believe me.

Helen...

I am anxious to tell you something

that's long been in my mind.

Please do. -I beg you not to

consider it the impulse of youth.

I won't George dear.

Very well.

There is only one woman in the world I

would ask to be the duchess of Bristol.

That's very interesting.

And if you ask me who she is...

I will tell you.

Who is she George?

You Helen.

I'm very touched, very flattered.

And I am very happy.

Thank you George.

I suppose there's only

one woman in this world...

who'd refuse to be the

duchess of Bristol.

And if you ask me who

she is, I will tell you.

Who is she then?

Me, George dear.

Do I hear correctly?

You're hearing is perfect.

You refuse to be the duchess of Bristol?

I do.

May I ask why?

Only because you happen to be the duke.

Are you insulting me Helen?

Not nearly as much

as you've insulted me.

What do you mean? -You should

have only asked me for my money.

You should not have

included me with it.

I emphatically deny that I asked

you to be my wife merely on...

account of your money. -No?

No, and i'd have you know,

there'd be plenty of women

who'd be delighted to marry me.

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